Tired of being unhappy,
Is everything energy sapping?
Would you like to move forward
But you keep looking back
With regret and pain,
And revisiting
Unhappy memories
Again and again?
I want you to see that this is contradictory.
Why would you revisit bad memories
Instead of happy ones?
Why not live them once and move on?
I know the answer but I want you to see
That your mental replays are contradictory.
Living life in the past tense
Doesn't make any sense.
You have a good memory for the bad.
The birds are singing but you are tearful
Because the past makes you sad.
People around you are cheerful
But unfinished business makes you mad.
I want you to see
It's very contradictory.
You want to forget the past,
But remember it compulsively.
There are restorative processes
That can come into play,
Like how a good night's rest sweeps
Trivial memories away.
You wake up fresh and bright
And forget what happened yesterday.
Why are these refreshing processes
Not working on what you would like to forget?
It is because these memories have not been healed
So they can't be swept out.
They house the pain.
And are still crying out
For the right kind of attention.
You look at them with resentment
But until they are looked at with love
They won't give you contentment.
It's unanimous:
Your negative emotions want to be resolved,
And you want the bad memories dissolved.
Let's now look at why your dilemma is not being solved.
Though your body wants to leave the past behind
And so does your mind,
Something is blocking the resolution's unfoldment
And it is something called resentment.
Each memory is not of just of a past scene.
It houses a story and a meaning.
It tells of a story of betrayal or cruelty,
violence, injustice, neglect, being treated unlovingly,
Or something about yourself you're not yet ready to see.
The meaning it may have for you
Is what it seems to say:
I never get any breaks,
I'm cursed or I'm a fool.
All I do is give and everyone takes.
No one cares, I'm all alone. Everyone is cruel.
God has abandoned me
Or does not exist.
I'm a sap for playing by the rules.
I'm unlovable and I let everyone down.
The only direction for me is down.
Whether it has a grain of truth or is an outright lie,
Resentment resistance reinforces it
Making it stronger the harder you try.
Whether it was an atrocity or a slight
When you react, it is successful in its tease.
The secret is learn to watch from your minds' grandstand,
without giving in to the suggestions on the one hand
or struggling with them on the other hand.
Just watch them parade by one after another.
They are powerless to hurt you anymore,
Once you leave resentment at the door.
It's only your resentment that gives them power.
So stop resenting them this very hour.
The pain is a cry for resolution:
So you can let it all go,
Close the door,
Turn the page
and move on.
Your emotions want to let it go
And your mind does too,
And so do you.
What blocks the repair?
Listen closely if you dare,
Here is my conclusion:
Resentment blocks the resolution.
You resent the situation, the pain, the person
You resent others for failing you
And you probably resent yourself too.
The problems and pressures get larger and larger
And resentment makes your coping skills grow smaller.
Resentment renders you inferior
To every pressure you ever encounter -
Exterior or interior.
What you need is someone with understanding
To restore you to good standing.
Someone with wisdom to explain the situation
And acknowledge your hurt and pain.
Not palliative prayer or condescending treatments,
Or words, affirmations and platitudes.
You need someone firm, strong, wise,
And with a caring attitude.
Someone with love to look you in the eyes
And see through your ego's pitiful cries.
Who doesn't feel sorry for you
Who sees your error too
But doesn't condemn and judge you.
You've looked for this agape love from others,
You sensed deep down that it was the solution.
But their light did not have enough understanding
Or the power to effect a resolution.
You need the inner Light,
Call it intuition,
It is from God
And it has the power to make things right.
But before you laugh or smirk or go away
You've probably never seen it in another,
not even once until today.
The light that exists in a person like myself
Is the same light that is within yourself.
You've resented others for not having love
But they were traumatized just like you,
They were full of doubts and insecurities too.
They did the best they could for you.
But you resented them like you resented your dad too.
Now we can explain the mystery
Your eyes will be opened, you will see.
It is resentment that has blocked you from the Light.
Your ego struggled and tried with all its might.
You grew tired and resigned yourself to pain and sorrow,
Then sat back and judged others and threw in the towel.
Each time you have revisited the scene
It is resentment you feel.
Your futile ego pleas
Combined with anger and hostility.
It is resentment that blocks the Light
from dealing with the memory decisively,
And bring catharsis, understanding,
and its resolving power to make things right.
Now perhaps you can understand
the expression "Let go and let God."
It means letting go of resentful resistance,
Standing back and letting God do the job.
He shines His Light
On the scripts, replays and panic,
Just like sun shines on a dirty old towel
and makes it clean and bright,
Without effort on your part. It's sheer magic.
Now the only thing that remains to be seen
Is will you drop resentment and be free?
Copyright 2012 by Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD and Michael Carlos Simon
___________________
Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD, author of 12 books is a board certified counselor and has hosted a popular radio program for 22 years.
Michael Carlos Simon is the author of Mike's Story: How I Overcame Depression, OCD, Bipolar and Anxiety without Drugs. He has been in successful recovery for over 20 years.
Information about the mindfulness meditation mentioned in this poem is available at The Center for Common Sense Counseling at www.commonsensecounseling.org
It helps to be able to look at things objectively.
Meditation may be the key.
Learn the art of sitting still
And observing what arises
with mental distance.
Our meditation is complementary
Just keep doing what you're doing
And give it a try - it's free.
New! Mike's Story is now a book. Preview the eBook. Read the whole inspiring story Here is an letter written by someone who gets it. He overcame anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder. In this letter, he comments on the verse from the Psalms and then tells of his recovery journey. He gave me permission to share his letter but asked that I only use his first name, Michael. I hope someone will be inspired to give our free spiritual meditation a try. All I can say is "Thanks, Mike." Roland
Hello, my name is Michael.
I love this verse from the Psalms.
He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.
Psalm 112:7 (English Standard Version).
It sounds good, doesn't it? But the question is: how do you get to where you have such a firm heart and settled spirit?
It took me a long time to get to where I could understand and say something about having a firm heart and settled spirit. I was Mr. Jellyfish.
But here’s the good news: if I can do it, anyone can do it. It took me 40 years, but that was because it took 40 years for me to get to the point where I was ready. Once you’re ready, recovery can begin in a heartbeat.
And it doesn’t have to take 40 years to be ready. You can be ready in this instant regardless of your age, if your heart is pure and you are sincere.
Here's my story. Let's begin with a few thoughts about anxiety and some observations about life and how I started to recover.
When you are in a tight golf match and it's the 18th hole and you have to make a knee knocking three foot putt, what do you do? You suck it up, get a bucket full of guts, and even though your knees are knocking, you attempt the putt. . . . . .
Let's say you're a plumber and a client has a major break in a pipe under their house that has to be dealt with now. Do you become upset or angry and call a time out and make the client go to his room because you can't cope? No, you deal with the situation, even though you don't feel like it. . . . .
In plain and simple terms, some of us just haven't had a chance to build up some courage or chutzpa. We have been robbed of the kind of experiences where we could develop it.
But we can start to build some now, by using the overlook principle I alluded to. We can be just like John Wayne said--scared to death but we ride anyway.
Once you realize that you have been denied character building experiences (through being kept from them or from not being taught how to not over react), you can stop beating yourself up. Instead you can simply admit you don't have certain virtues built yet, but you can start to do some things anyway. By overlooking the fear or anxiety.
You will also discover that kindness, fortitude, endurance, graciousness, and patience are ready to unfold when you let go of resentment.
We tend to resent the type of circumstances where we looked bad or failed in the past. If you can learn to approach the new circumstance without resentment, then experience the anxiety (without resenting it), you will be then free to meet the moment with some aplomb. Now having met the moment properly, you will be able to meet the next one ever more easily and without resentment. Anxiety will diminish.
You will discover that there is joy and a sense of triumph in meeting a moment properly. Even if you don't "win" or handle it perfectly, there is joy in meeting it without resentment and with a certain amount of dignity. . . .
But as time went by (as years went by) I learned to fail less. And I also learned to react badly less to my failings. In other words, I began to grow up, and I'm still growing up.
When I was 10, 15, 20, 30 years old, did I have anxiety? Of course. Did I get depressed? Of course.
When my parents got divorced, it bothered me. When my dad died, it made me sad. When my parakeet died, I felt bad. What was I supposed to do, be happy about these things? I grieved and felt hurt and then I got over it.
When I was a little kid, did I go through a spell where I had to do a ritual of counting numbers or arrange my shoes perfectly at night or else "something really bad would happen?" Of course. Then I grew out of it.
When I was in college, was I high and hyper when something good happened and stayed up till dawn talking to my friends? Then did I crash when a bunch of things went wrong? Naturally.
When I was in my 20's did I wonder who I was and if there was a future for me? Did I mess up, and make mistakes? Sure.
And then did something try to tell me I was "worthless" and that "the world would be better off without me?" Of course.
When I was 30 and sitting in a lonely apartment in the outskirts of Chicago, with the snow coming down and nowhere to go and wishing I were back in California, did I feel depressed? Of course.
But here I am. I got through.
My recovery was two part. First it was just growing out of issues. It seems like each stage of our life--little kid, big kid, teenager, college age, 20's, 30's--there are some typical issues to deal with. The old expression "time heals all wounds" definitely applies. Somehow I just grew out of things.
This brings me to part two of my recovery program. I told you about part one, where I got through the various typical issues I faced at different stages. But then came the life changing, game changing discovery. I took me four decades to get to the point where I was ready. But when I was finally ready, it happened in a heartbeat and within a few days I was a new person.
I'll tell you about it in Part Two
Michael
___________________
.
Mike's Story “How I overcame depression,
bipolar, OCD, anxiety and other
issues without drugs”
is now available in eBook to download to your computer, read online, or download to your mobile device right now!
Mike’s Story “How I overcame depression,
bipolar, OCD, anxiety and other
issues without drugs.” is the powerful personal testimony of someone
who overcame mental health and other issues and went on to
enjoy a successful, productive life.
Mike tells you about his childhood:
the traumas,
the obsessions
and compulsions,
his shyness and bipolar.
Mike tells you about his twenties: the
depression, the doubts and the fears.
You will hear him talk about how Zorro and Colombo helped him get through.
You’ll find out what the Zen Master said.
You’ll read about Mike’s close call with Dr. Rough Handling.
Mike loves to philosophize about life, love,
and he likes Frank Sinatra too.
For each stage of his life he reveals how he moved on and left the issues behind.
Mike saves the best for last:
How he found his
spiritual roots with the help of meditation,
a change of heart,
and a hug and a kick in the pants from God.
Preview at Amazon.com now
Roland Trujillo, pastor, mentor and spiritual
director, is the author of 12 books. His popular self
help radio program has aired on both secular and
Christian radio stations around the country for 22
years.
“I love helping people improve their
relationships, overcome personal issues and find
their
spiritual roots. People get stuck, and they needsomeone who thinks outside the box to help
them look at life with fresh eyes.
People are resilient and can make progress in a very short amount of time.
Sometimes all it takes is an insight or two,
a little meditation to get centered, and knowing that there is someone
who has love, and who both understands
and can help. That’s all.
Preview eBook at Scribd.com
Preview at Amazon.com
