You Can Learn To Stop Over-Reacting

Someone Who Recovered from PTSD Writes a Poem About How He Did It

2012-01-03T16:30:00.000-08:00

Tired of being unhappy,
Is everything energy sapping?
Would you like to move forward
But you keep looking back
With regret and pain,
And revisiting
Unhappy memories
Again and again?

I want you to see that this is contradictory.
Why would you revisit bad memories
Instead of happy ones?
Why not live them once and move on?

I know the answer but I want you to see
That your mental replays are contradictory.
Living life in the past tense
Doesn't make any sense.

You have a good memory for the bad.
The birds are singing but you are tearful
Because the past makes you sad.
People around you are cheerful
But unfinished business makes you mad.

I want you to see
It's very contradictory.
You want to forget the past,
But remember it compulsively.

There are restorative processes
That can come into play,
Like how a good night's rest sweeps
Trivial memories away.
You wake up fresh and bright
And forget what happened yesterday.

Why are these refreshing processes
Not working on what you would like to forget?

It is because these memories have not been healed
So they can't be swept out.
They house the pain.
And are still crying out
For the right kind of attention.

You look at them with resentment
But until they are looked at with love
They won't give you contentment.

It's unanimous:
Your negative emotions want to be resolved,
And you want the bad memories dissolved.
Let's now look at why your dilemma is not being solved.

Though your body wants to leave the past behind
And so does your mind,
Something is blocking the resolution's unfoldment
And it is something called resentment.

Each memory is not of just of a past scene.
It houses a story and a meaning.
It tells of a story of betrayal or cruelty,
violence, injustice, neglect, being treated unlovingly,
Or something about yourself you're not yet ready to see.

The meaning it may have for you
Is what it seems to say:
I never get any breaks,
I'm cursed or I'm a fool.
All I do is give and everyone takes.
No one cares, I'm all alone. Everyone is cruel.
God has abandoned me
Or does not exist.
I'm a sap for playing by the rules.
I'm unlovable and I let everyone down.
The only direction for me is down.

Whether it has a grain of truth or is an outright lie,
Resentment resistance reinforces it
Making it stronger the harder you try.
Whether it was an atrocity or a slight
When you react, it is successful in its tease.

The secret is learn to watch from your minds' grandstand,
without giving in to the suggestions on the one hand
or struggling with them on the other hand.
Just watch them parade by one after another.

They are powerless to hurt you anymore,
Once you leave resentment at the door.
It's only your resentment that gives them power.
So stop resenting them this very hour.

The pain is a cry for resolution:
So you can let it all go,
Close the door,
Turn the page
and move on.

Your emotions want to let it go
And your mind does too,
And so do you.

What blocks the repair?
Listen closely if you dare,
Here is my conclusion:
Resentment blocks the resolution.

You resent the situation, the pain, the person
You resent others for failing you
And you probably resent yourself too.

The problems and pressures get larger and larger
And resentment makes your coping skills grow smaller.
Resentment renders you inferior
To every pressure you ever encounter -
Exterior or interior.

What you need is someone with understanding
To restore you to good standing.
Someone with wisdom to explain the situation
And acknowledge your hurt and pain.

Not palliative prayer or condescending treatments,
Or words, affirmations and platitudes.
You need someone firm, strong, wise,
And with a caring attitude.

Someone with love to look you in the eyes
And see through your ego's pitiful cries.
Who doesn't feel sorry for you
Who sees your error too
But doesn't condemn and judge you.

You've looked for this agape love from others,
You sensed deep down that it was the solution.
But their light did not have enough understanding
Or the power to effect a resolution.

You need the inner Light,
Call it intuition,
It is from God
And it has the power to make things right.

But before you laugh or smirk or go away
You've probably never seen it in another,
not even once until today.
The light that exists in a person like myself
Is the same light that is within yourself.

You've resented others for not having love
But they were traumatized just like you,
They were full of doubts and insecurities too.
They did the best they could for you.
But you resented them like you resented your dad too.

Now we can explain the mystery
Your eyes will be opened, you will see.

It is resentment that has blocked you from the Light.
Your ego struggled and tried with all its might.
You grew tired and resigned yourself to pain and sorrow,
Then sat back and judged others and threw in the towel.

Each time you have revisited the scene
It is resentment you feel.
Your futile ego pleas
Combined with anger and hostility.

It is resentment that blocks the Light
from dealing with the memory decisively,
And bring catharsis, understanding,
and its resolving power to make things right.

Now perhaps you can understand
the expression "Let go and let God."
It means letting go of resentful resistance,
Standing back and letting God do the job.

He shines His Light
On the scripts, replays and panic,
Just like sun shines on a dirty old towel
and makes it clean and bright,
Without effort on your part. It's sheer magic.

Now the only thing that remains to be seen
Is will you drop resentment and be free?

Copyright 2012 by Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD and Michael Carlos Simon
___________________

Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD, author of 12 books is a board certified counselor and has hosted a popular radio program for 22 years.

Michael Carlos Simon is the author of Mike's Story: How I Overcame Depression, OCD, Bipolar and Anxiety without Drugs. He has been in successful recovery for over 20 years.

Information about the mindfulness meditation mentioned in this poem is available at The Center for Common Sense Counseling at www.commonsensecounseling.org

It helps to be able to look at things objectively.
Meditation may be the key.
Learn the art of sitting still
And observing what arises
with mental distance.

Our meditation is complementary
Just keep doing what you're doing
And give it a try - it's free.

I Worry All the Time - the Poet Pastor Has an Answer

2011-12-28T18:04:00.000-08:00

Pastor, I'm in a hurry
But I need your advice.
All I do is worry
And rethink everything twice.

I worry about this and I worry about that.
Whether I'm too thin or maybe too fat.

Did I remember to feed the cat?

Did I turn off the television?
Did I wait until the dryer stopped spinning?
Did I turn the answering machine on?
Did I send a card to Cousin Ron?

Will I ever meet someone?
With me, does anyone ever have fun?
Did I commit the unpardonable sin?
When I arrive will they let me in?

I dread giving a speech tomorrow.
Why am I always behind a hard act to follow?
I'm worry about today
I'm still worrying about yesterday.

Pastor, I need your help and suggestion.
But I'm worried you won't answer my question.
_____________

Don't worry or fear,
Pastor Roland is here.
He's the Poet Pastor
And he's got an answer.

Relax and get a good night's rest.
Pastor Roland's answers are the best.
He'll have an answer for you;
It will be ready tomorrow by noon.

Someone Who Overcame OCD, Bipolar and Anxiety

2011-12-22T18:51:00.001-08:00

Mike's Story “How I overcame depression,
bipolar, OCD, anxiety and other
issues without drugs”

is now available in eBook to download to your computer, read online, or download to your mobile device right now.

Preview now!

Mike’s Story “How I overcame depression,
bipolar, OCD, anxiety and other
issues without drugs.” is the powerful personal testimony of someone
who overcame mental health and other issues and went on to
enjoy a successful, productive life.

Mike tells you about his childhood:

the traumas,
the obsessions
and compulsions,
his shyness and bipolar.
Mike tells you about his twenties: the
depression, the doubts and the fears.

You will hear him talk about how Zorro and Colombo helped him get through.

You’ll find out what the Zen Master said.

You’ll read about Mike’s close call with Dr. Rough Handling.

Mike loves to philosophize about life, love,

and he likes Frank Sinatra too.

For each stage of his life he reveals how he moved on and left the issues behind.

Mike saves the best for last:

How he found his
spiritual roots with the help of meditation,
a change of heart,
and a hug and a kick in the pants from God.

Preview now

Roland Trujillo, pastor, mentor and spiritual
director, is the author of 12 books. His popular self
help radio program has aired on both secular and
Christian radio stations around the country for 22
years.

“I love helping people improve their
relationships, overcome personal issues and find
their spiritual roots. People get stuck, and they need
someone who thinks outside the box to help
them look at life with fresh eyes.

People are resilient and can make progress in a very short amount of time.
Sometimes all it takes is an insight or two,
a little meditation to get centered, and knowing that there is someone
who has love, and who both understands
and can help. That’s all.

Read excerpts from Chapter One

Here is an letter written by someone who gets it. He overcame anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder. In this letter, he comments on the verse from the Psalms and then tells of his recovery journey. He gave me permission to share his letter but asked that I only use his first name, Michael. I hope someone will be inspired to give our free spiritual meditation a try. All I can say is "Thanks, Mike." Roland

Hello, my name is Michael.

I love this verse from the Psalms.

He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.
Psalm 112:7 (English Standard Version).

It sounds good, doesn't it? But the question is: how do you get to where you have such a firm heart and settled spirit?

It took me a long time to get to where I could understand and say something about having a firm heart and settled spirit. I was Mr. Jellyfish.

But here’s the good news: if I can do it, anyone can do it. It took me 40 years, but that was because it took 40 years for me to get to the point where I was ready. Once you’re ready, recovery can begin in a heartbeat.

And it doesn’t have to take 40 years to be ready. You can be ready in this instant regardless of your age, if your heart is pure and you are sincere.

Here's my story. Let's begin with a few thoughts about anxiety and some observations about life and how I started to recover. . . . .

When you are in a tight golf match and it's the 18th hole and you have to make a knee knocking three foot putt, what do you do? You suck it up, get a bucket full of guts, and even though your knees are knocking, you attempt the putt.

Let's say you're a plumber and a client has a major break in a pipe under their house that has to be dealt with now. Do you become upset or angry and call a time out and make the client go to his room because you can't cope? No, you deal with the situation, even though you don't feel like it. . . . . .

I have discovered that the secret to life is in overlooking.

You have anxiety, but overlook it. In other words, instead of struggling with, suppressing or trying to get rid of the anxiety, you overlook it.

Someone makes a mistake, but you overlook it (instead of judging or resenting them). You have doubts, but you overlook them (instead of dwelling on them).

You feel anger (at your child, for example), but you overlook it (and remain calm).

There are many good things I could say about overlooking. How it helps us overcome anxiety, doubts, fears, negative emotion; and how it helps us be more patient with others. But for now, I will mention it in passing. Later I will talk about the meditation (that Roland offers) and how it helps you learn to overlook. . . . . .

Instead of living and teaching the value of doing what is right and overlooking anxiety or negative emotion, they first seek to get rid of the anxiety or negative emotion. This is putting the cart before the horse.

We triumph as humans when we overcome anxiety or negative emotions through doing what is right and being virtuous.

In other words, a true human gives the food to their child even though they themselves are hungry. A true human does the right thing despite fear. He tells the truth, though he is made to feel uncomfortable. She acts calmly for the sake of others, despite anxiety. He says no to temptation despite having feelings of lust or greed. . . .

Remember it took 80 years for Moses to be made ready to lead his people out of Egypt.

So you might as well be prepared for a long period of just being a regular person. But you can start to get ready for the touch of God which may come someday by living with some dignity, some honor, some self control, some discipline where you are right now.

And by exercising virtue, it will grow, and you will increase in composure and self control. No, you won't walk on water--but by exercising virtue, you'll begin to face things with at least a modicum of natural poise, and it will grow.

Therefore do not mind it if you encounter some difficulty. Do not become resentful if you have some ups and downs, some rain on your parade, a boyfriend or girlfriend who quits you, a job you don't get, a day when you don't feel particularly good or some anxiety if you have to give a speech. . . .

And while you are at it, expect betrayal, people saying mean things about you for no reason, and so on. That way you won't be shocked and upset when it happens.

So you'll have to start now where you are at. And it doesn't matter where that is.

So start to face some things today. And like I said, don't expect to get it just right from the start. Take it easy. Rome wasn't built in a day. Don't look for perfection. Look for progress. And here's a word of caution: start with the small stuff. . . .

Remember how I said that we have been made self conscious in many ways? Okay. So don't hate yourself if you meet a moment badly. In my life, I've messed up, made a fool of myself, cut and run, let my team down, copped out, and many other small but shameful failings. I failed and then reacted badly to what I was forced to see about myself.

But as time went by (as years went by) I learned to fail less. And I also learned to react badly less to my failings. In other words, I began to grow up, and I'm still growing up.

When I was 10, 15, 20, 30 years old, did I have anxiety? Of course. Did I get depressed? Of course.

When my parents got divorced, it bothered me. When my dad died, it made me sad. When my parakeet died, I felt bad. What was I supposed to do, be happy about these things? I grieved and felt hurt and then I got over it.

When I was a little kid, did I go through a spell where I had to do a ritual of counting numbers or arrange my shoes perfectly at night or else "something really bad would happen?" Of course. Then I grew out of it.

When I was in college, was I high and hyper when something good happened and stayed up till dawn talking to my friends? Then did I crash when a bunch of things went wrong? Naturally.

When I was in my 20's did I wonder who I was and if there was a future for me? Did I mess up, and make mistakes? Sure.

And then did something try to tell me I was "worthless" and that "the world would be better off without me?" Of course.

When I was 30 and sitting in a lonely apartment in the outskirts of Chicago, with the snow coming down and nowhere to go and wishing I were back in California, did I feel depressed? Of course.

But here I am. I got through.

My recovery was two part. First it was just growing out of issues. It seems like each stage of our life--little kid, big kid, teenager, college age, 20's, 30's--there are some typical issues to deal with. The old expression "time heals all wounds" definitely applies. Somehow I just grew out of things.

Like when I was a kid, teen, and in my 20's I was painfully shy. But then when I was in my 30's I was teaching college classes, and now I feel comfortable around everyone and talk about anything. And it's fun.

Okay, so it took a few years to get over it. But I did get over it.

So we grow, we mature, we leave behind the things of childhood--including issues. We move on. It's a long process and it's life.

t's a relief to find out that lots of people have the same issues, and lots of people get better.

I'm extending my hand in friendship to talk about some of the things I have been blessed to learn along the way in my spiritual walk.

Your friend, Mike

Pastor Roland's comments

Thanks, Mike
Your letter is inspirational.

That is why I enjoy helping people calm down first. After finding the secret to self control, they will then be able to express love, reason and patience..

Now if you will, check out the simple meditation (it is free) that helps you become aware instead of lost in your thinking and emotions.

Read about how Mike had all the symptoms of ADHD and what, thank God, his parents did and did not do.

Mike tells about his depression around age 30, and how listening to the radio helped him overcome it.

Mike talks about meditation and how it has helped him.

Find out how Mike is doing now.

And much more.

____________________________
.

Special Offer:

For a donation of $10, we will send you a pdf of Mike's Story by email.

Your gift helps Roland help others. And you will benefit from this ground breaking new self help book.

Just click on the Donate Button, and we'll respond by email, so you can have your eBook to start reading.

A Poem by Someone Who Overcame Issues Now Available in eBook!

2011-12-17T21:14:00.000-08:00

Lines from a Poem written by Michael Carlos Simon who overcame mental health and substance use issues.

I used weed, alcohol and pills to get high
Then soon I needed them just to get by.
My friends and family I told nothing but lies.
I misused medication, religion, friendship and music
To numb the pain of my chief critic,
The conscience I was trying to flee

What I needed was honesty,
And a dose of tough love
From someone with integrity
Who wouldn't buy my lies
Or my pitiful ego cries
And who could see through my pretense.

Someone to give me a hug
And a kick in the pants,
Someone with love
And not anger or arrogance

I was looking for the Father I had never known
Who would love me and not leave me alone.

Mike's Story “How I overcame depression,
bipolar, OCD, anxiety and other
issues without drugs”

is now available in eBook to download to your computer, read online, or download to your mobile device right now!

Mike’s Story “How I overcame depression,
bipolar, OCD, anxiety and other
issues without drugs.” is the powerful personal testimony of someone
who overcame mental health and other issues and went on to
enjoy a successful, productive life.

Mike tells you about his childhood:

the traumas,
the obsessions
and compulsions,
his shyness and bipolar.
Mike tells you about his twenties: the
depression, the doubts and the fears.

You will hear him talk about how Zorro and Colombo helped him get through.

You’ll find out what the Zen Master said.

You’ll read about Mike’s close call with Dr. Rough Handling.

Mike loves to philosophize about life, love,

and he likes Frank Sinatra too.

For each stage of his life he reveals how he moved on and left the issues behind.

Mike saves the best for last:

How he found his
spiritual roots with the help of meditation,
a change of heart,
and a hug and a kick in the pants from God.

Preview now

Roland Trujillo, pastor, mentor and spiritual
director, is the author of 12 books. His popular self
help radio program has aired on both secular and
Christian radio stations around the country for 22
years.

“I love helping people improve their
relationships, overcome personal issues and find
their spiritual roots. People get stuck, and they need
someone who thinks outside the box to help
them look at life with fresh eyes.

People are resilient and can make progress in a very short amount of time.
Sometimes all it takes is an insight or two,
a little meditation to get centered, and knowing that there is someone
who has love, and who both understands
and can help. That’s all.

I have discovered that the secret to life is in overlooking.

You have anxiety, but overlook it. In other words, instead of struggling with, suppressing or trying to get rid of the anxiety, you overlook it.

Someone makes a mistake, but you overlook it (instead of judging or resenting them). You have doubts, but you overlook them (instead of dwelling on them).

Okay, so it took a few years to get over it. But I did get over it.

That is why I enjoy helping people calm down first. After finding the secret to self control, they will then be able to express love, reason and patience..

Why Do I Feel Drained Around Some People?

2011-12-13T08:27:00.000-08:00

A Poem of Forgiveness, Recovery and Triumph - a True Story

2011-11-26T16:06:00.001-08:00

“I fled Him down the nights and down the days
I fled Him down the arches of the years
I fled Him down the labyrinthine ways
Of my own mind, and in the midst of tears
I hid from him, and under running laughter.”
― Francis G. Thompson, The Hound of Heaven

I had a little work related stress,
And my apartment was a mess.
My partner left town,
And my Internet was down.

I had a little anxiety
But no one could really help me, as you will see.

I'll spare you the details of what I went through,
I just hope it never happens to you.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure they all meant well,
But my life became a living hell.

Despite all my troubles, I want you to know
There is a very happy ending though.
But first I had to humble my pride
And give up all the anger that was inside.

Let's begin at the start,
When I used to think I was really smart.
So here goes --

"Sir, I've got a little work related stress,
And my apartment is a mess.
My partner left town,
and I'm feeling a little down"

"Let's try this and see if it works for you.
Just to take the edge off and relax you too."

I'm not trying to complain.
At least he gave what I had a name.
But why was I still in pain?

I wondered: Am I just a chemical imbalance?
Don't I have a soul and heart and talents?
Am I just a body to process, prod and measure,
For profit or to be used for other's pleasure?

I read where Freud and Adler would ponder and analyze,
And ask about people's family ties.
But I guess things have changed over the years.
When I told him of my hopes and dreams,
and unused talents.
He talked of genes
and brain chemical imbalance.

"Let's try this and see if it works for you,
To take off the edge and relax you too."

I went to the chaplain and she was nice.
She prayed with me, stayed with me and called me twice.

But why did everyone just want to comfort me?
Why couldn't they help me overcome, move on and and just be free?
Everyone had appeared so helpful and kind,
But no one could help me leave my issues behind.

I heard talk that religion could set me free,
So I decided to see if it would work for me.
I joined a church and went twice a week.
Hoping to find the answers I seek.
I studied, sang and prayed,
But I became more uneasy the longer I stayed.

After the initial excitement wore off,
When I was home all by myself,
I had to admit what I could tell no one else:

Something was missing. It is hard to describe.
I still felt somehow empty inside.

Don't get me wrong.
It's nice to sing a song,
And memorize a Scripture or two.
But if its effects wear off when it's no longer new,
It's something I would rather not do.

I found another group that was into friendship and hugs.
They had drums and a guitar (but of course no drugs).
There was clapping and singing, and everyone swaying,
Positive thinking and lots of praying.

I don't want to be rude
But I had to conclude:
They were trying their best,
But like my dad, they failed the test.
Decent and friendly and very nice guys,
But I saw the emptiness under their disguise.

And no matter how hard people tried,
They couldn't fill the emptiness inside.
I wanted the answer that sets me free
To move forward and be a new me.

I began to grow weary of palliative prayer.
There just wasn't anything of substance there.
So I threw in the towel,
It was all beginning to sour.
I tried going back to my weed and speed.
But now I could see that it just wasn't for me.

I went back to the university.
It was a relief to talk about sustainibilty and diversity,
Instead of sin and eternity.
The rebellion and free lifestyle were inviting.
The football and parties were exciting.

But soon I saw the parties at the frat and sorority
Were a juvenile rebellion against authority.
The endless studying and exams kept me occupied,
And instructors kept me so busy I could continue to hide
from the pain and emptiness I felt inside.

I found an Eastern philosophy
Which I heard about on TV.
It talked about enlightenment and tranquility.
Something about it just didn't feel right.
It was close to what I wanted, but not quite.

I began to resent them all for not being there for me --
First my dad then every other authority.

I resented them for their shallow concern for me,
For advice given condescendingly,
And their endless attempts to motivate me.

I could not let go of judgment and resentment
Toward those who robbed me of my contentment.
I was full of contempt for their weakness,
And anger over their pretense.

And I resented myself too.
I was so full of resentment, I had to judge myself too.

I resented everyone for not having love for me.
I was filled with anger and blame, it was plain to see.
But at least I was on the verge of seeing what was wrong with me.

Each day at the park I watched the little kids play.
Full of happiness and joy and never a bad day.
I pondered the difference between them and me.
And slowly I began to see.

What I was like when I was small I had forgot.
I had to admit as I looked on quietly:

"There's one big difference between them and me,
I am resentful and they are not."

Thinking back to earlier years,
I began to see what started my fall into unhappiness and tears.

I resented my mom and my dad, you see.
I especially resented my dad for not being there for me.
I hated my life too and everything about myself,
And then it spread over the years to everyone else.

I resented my peers, my partner, my kids and my luck too.
My job, my boss, and My God! Even You.

Resentment became a way of saving face,
Of not living life with grace.
The loser's way of avoiding strife.
Resentful and angry at everything, it seemed harmless at the time.
A way to judge underneath, but pretend everything is fine.

It gave me a secret ego satisfaction -
A loser's way of getting even.
It was a secret reaction.
On the surface I wore a pasty grin,
but underneath, my patience was growing thin.

Now I saw why I had felt anxious and uneasy so long,
Full of judgment and self pity, I was basically wrong.

Now I was saddened about what I had discovered,
About the hate and hostility I had uncovered.
I could not change myself, though regretting what I see.
So I was in a quandary.
Wanting to change but not knowing how,
My dilemma was finally solved, and I'll show you how.

When something about yourself you see,
That you would rather not be.
But you've found that struggle and trying just make things worse,
The solution is so simple. It is found in the following verse.

Just regret what you see about yourself.
Don't try to charge with any effort.
Quietly bear the brief pain. Just do that and nothing else.
It is God's light, we call conscience, that is making you see.
God is present, and your sadness is because of His Light in which you see.

When you know the sadness is in God's light,
It will be for you a comfort sublime.
The change you want will happen in God's due time.

I walked around and was sad about what I discovered.
My conscience and sweetness I had recovered.
So I just bore the pain without trying to change.
Soon I began to shed a tear
Over what I saw about myself.

I was sad, then glad, then relieved I must confess
To just come clean and let God clear up my mess.

I experienced something profound,
Repentance I had found.
Not of myself but of He.
God's light was repenting me.

It was like a purging and catharsis of my wrong
He did what I couldn't do myself,

Because He is kind and gentle and strong.

First the pain, then the sadness,

Then the soul bursts into song,
Because I know the quiet joy that

He has forgiven me of my wrong.

After I was purged I was free to see
One by one, what was wrong with me.
Each time the same process:

First pain, then sadness, then relief.
After being sorry, I found peace beyond belief.

Every day a little pain to bear,
Regret, forgiveness and then joy without compare.

Each day the pain is less but the wrong more subtle,
Seeing all the wrong inside bursts the ego's bubble.
One day there will be no more wrong to see,
Just peace of mind and a life of discovery.

Repentance is for God to initiate.

And any expert who tries to imitate,
Will the soul’s repentance negate.
Repentance is God's plan for recovery.

And no one can make it happen but He.

The lesson is clear
You can't repent yourself.
Just be willing to be humbled and shed a tear
And wait for God to draw near.

When you are not right inside
Pious words and gestures only support pride.
You become a model of hypocrisy
Because others see your inconsistency.

In our pride and with our ego's short sight.
We think we have to make something happen
With effort and with might.
That is how our ego blocks God's redeeming light.

Our biggest error is resenting His light
Or suppressing what is wrong to keep it out of sight,
When you should expose it to the light.

Instead, just regret your wrong
Without trying to make yourself right,
Wait for repentance and change in the Light.

And here is something else profound,
When resentment is gone, love is there to be found.
God's love warms the soul and takes away the need.
Now you can forgive others for their misdeeds.

You always craved something from them and resented when they didn't have it.
Now you know why they didn't have love, because they hadn't found it.
You see they were victims too
That's why they didn't have love for you.

So now I could make it all unimportant
And move on with living.
I had found the answer and it is this:
To be more forgiving.

And when you forgive others by dropping resentment,
God forgives you, and you find peace and contentment.

My Husband Drives Me Crazy and my Meds Make Me Hazy a new poem from the author of Mike's Story

2011-11-21T13:41:00.000-08:00

Why is the world such a mess?
I can't even guess.

Thank goodness Pastor Roland is there.

My mom says I'm lazy,
My husband drives me crazy,
My meds make me hazy.

Thank goodness Pastor Roland is there.

My girlfriend left me and my dog just died,
When they said "no lay offs" I found out they lied.

Thank goodness Pastor Roland is there.

My rotten boyfriend cheated on me,
I'm so upset I can't find my key.
Oh woe is me!
I owe the library a 12 dollar fee.

I think I've got a mood disorder
Or is it just that my life is out of order?
I lost my cat, my meds made me fat.
Did I mention that I lost my key?

Thank goodness Pastor Roland is there.

I started to gamble to try my luck,
I lost all my money down to my last buck.
Can you lend me a dollar to buy gas for my truck?
Thank goodness Pastor Roland is there

I've got an ache in my molar,
And I'm feeling bipolar.
Do you think I should go solar,
Before I get my heater repaired?

I know God is there,
He's up there somewhere.
But it's still nice to know,
That here down below,
There's someone who says
"I care."

The above poem was written by Michale Carlos Simon.
copyright 2011 by Michael Carlos Simon
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How to Stop Over Reacting

2011-08-08T21:04:00.000-07:00

Are you stressed out? Have you noticed that when you are resentful, you become more sensitive to life’s little issues?

When you are stressed at work, do you come home and easily lose patience with your kids? Do you get angry at slow traffic or slow grocery lines? Would terms like “exasperated, nervous, irritated, or impatient” describe you?

If so, you are probably over-reacting. And the worst reaction of all is that of resentment. It sets you up for becoming increasingly sensitive to what you might otherwise take in stride.

Most of our upsets are over daily small irritations. You've probably heard the expression "Don't sweat the small stuff." We know this is true, but the problem is we don't know how to not sweat the small stuff. This is because we have literally conditioned ourselves to become irritated. And when the next little thing occurs, our body reacts.
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A small irritant to which we have reacted can literally build to the point that we're ready to have an emotional meltdown over it. Moreover, we react and suppress our emotions all day long, so there is an accumulation of upset and tension leading us to explode in anger at a loved one or reach for the bottle.
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Here is the key.
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1. Learning to watch for and let go of resentment which sustains and reinforces our reaction. It was resentment that led to the very first reaction to a look alike situation long ago, and it is resentment that sustains it and reinforces it.

The resentment must be let go of, whether it be resentment against the situation, the person, the first occurrence, oneself, or resentment against anything.
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If you don't know how to get enough distance mentally to stand back and watch for the resentment, I can teach you how. (Read about the meditation now)
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2. As I will relate later, becoming upset is a way of life for most of us. So the second thing that must be learned is to practice going through life in a more detached way, as more of an observer. In my writings I can show you how and why this dispassionate state of mind and calm state way of living is based on principles of forgiveness and patience.
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In fact, the reader will see that these principles correspond to beautiful religious or philosophical principles you may have heard and appreciated but never learned to to apply.
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When you are not upset in the first place, you won’t become upset and irritable in the second place. You will be patient with your loved ones.
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Learn the secret of self control without painful repression and you will have it made in the shade.

Find out more about the meditation
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Get the free meditation now
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Read more about why people over-react and get upset

Read Why Do i Get Upset All the Time? Could Resentment Be the Culprit

Read What Is the Number One Cause of Divorce

Preview Becoming a Friend of God: Finding Peace of Mind and Courage in an Age of Anxiety

For a donation of any amount, receive an ebook as our gift

Talk To a Pastor Online: Christian Books for Help with Stress

2011-08-06T15:39:00.000-07:00

Talk To a Pastor Online: Christian Books for Help with Stress: "We have some great self help books in paperback at Cafe Press . I don't mention them a lot, but I probably should because they contain som..."

How Do I Stop Being Angry wqith My Wife

2011-07-23T14:47:00.000-07:00

Whether it is anger issues, upset, depression, unhappiness in marriage, PTSD or chronic pain, there is an often overlooked and little understood factor, called resentment, that contributes to, reinforces, and prolongs negative emotions and a host of associated symptoms. Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD has written extensively on this topic, on coping strategies and about taking positive steps to move forward. In this blog, he comments on resentment in marriage and how it exacerbates arguments and hurt feelings.

Josh and Kaitlin just had another big spat. This time the huge argument was over the toothpaste tube.

Last week they had a big argument over money. Two weeks ago the argument was over whether to have the window open or closed.

Each time she throws everything in his face. He clams up. Nothing is solved. Another layer is added to unfinished business and baggage from the past, which resurfaces the next time they argue.

To the untrained observer, it would appear that the issue was the toothpaste tube, money or the window. But to Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD, not so.

"The toothpaste tube is only the occasion for pent up hostility, suppressed angers and long standing unfinished business to burst forth."

Roland continues: "Here's the rest of the story. Josh comes home from work and sits down in front of the television. Kaitlin had been working all day and taking care of the kids. She feels unappreciated.

Josh can sense that she is angry about something, but he doesn't want to begin a conversation because he knows the dam will break and she will throw a long list of things in his face. So he avoids talking.

Josh stays home in the evening even though his friends want him to play cards with them. He is angry because she does not appreciate his sacrifice. Kaitlin complains that the repair he made in the bathroom is not working so she is going to have to call someone else to do it who knows what they are doing. Josh feels like she does not respect him.

Kaitlin wants to talk. She hopes the maybe when thy go to bed, they can talk like they used to. Josh falls asleep right away. Kaitlin feels unloved.

Kaitlin admits to her friend that she tends to throw everything at him all at once. He probably feels overwhelmed says her friend. I know, says Kaitlin, but I can't help it. I keep trying to get his attention."

And once she does, everything that she has been holding in comes out. Afterwards she feels guilty about it.

Josh tells his friends that he loves his wife, but "she is never satisfied with anything I do." "I'm always wrong."

Soon one or both of them are thinking: "I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of not being appreciated. I'm tired of being the one who has to work on our marriage. I'm tired of always giving in for peace. We have nothing in common. The love is gone."

Here's the bottom line, says Roland. Kaitlin is resentful. And so is Josh. It is the resentment that causes the accumulation of hurt feelings and hostility. The accumulation of upset leads to either exploding in anger or suppressing and clamming up. Neither is healthy.

Resentment washes away reason. Resentment takes away the ability to be reasonable and calm. It leads to frustration and upset. These lead to discouragement, feeling tired, negative thinking, stress and physical symptoms that stress contributes to.

I can help, says Roland. By learning to let go of resentment, you stop feeding upset, frustration, bitterness, discouragement that contribute to further negative symptoms and feelings. It is also resentment that makes you feel empty, inferior, unfulfilled and unloved.

Roland's practical solutions are based in understanding. "I describe the why of what is happening. I talk about men and women, about how they are different and about how we can more easily appreciate our differences when the resentment factor is removed.

Understanding is the answer--when you become aware of what is really going on and see many good reasons for letting go of resentment, your new understanding will help you feel better and become more joyous and positive.

If your partner also develops understanding, then your relationship can become heaven on earth. If only you become more aware and mature in your understanding, you are still much better off because you will be able to deal gracefully with situations, and spare yourself the upset, frustration and emptiness you now feel.

Another thing, says Roland. Many people know they are resentful and want to give it up, but don't know how. I know how, and I show you.

Other people think that being more forgiving means giving in for peace. But I can show you that it is resentment and guilt that makes you keep quiet or give in now. I can show you how to let go of resentment, which frees you up to express yourself and speak up (without resentment).

What I teach should be common knowledge, but you can hardly get these insights anywhere else. Sure there are some good marriage and relationship programs or counseling. The seminar leaders, writer or counselor may be working with bits and pieces of the solution. But I have the whole and I put it all together. With others, you get some pieces of the jigsaw puzzle, but I can give yo the complete picture.

It is not for everyone though. Some people just want to hang onto resentment and judgment. And as long as they are unwilling to give them up, they are not ready for understanding. But when they are ready, my teachings are a God sent.

____________________

Hello, my name is Roland and I am a pastor. I've been on the radio for almost 22 years, both secular stations and Christian stations around the country.

I get a lot of questions about relationships and marriage--probably most of the questions I get. A couple of years ago I wrote a book about marriage. It was excellent, but I wanted to take it to the next level.

I think that The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage really does fulfill my expectations. I wanted a book that is about marriage, and even though I am conservative and traditional, I wanted the book to be inclusive. And it is.

People who are in long term or short term relationships will enjoy and benefit from my book. I talk about some of the deep aspects of marriage, and I can explain why so many relationships have issues.

I also wanted at talk about dating and courtship (there is a difference), and why I favor courtship.

I wanted a book for ladies who are working on their relationship. But I also wanted it to be a book that men, especially thoughtful men who want to be good husbands and fathers, will feel comfortable with.

I wanted a book that is serious--a serious book about a serious and important topic. But I also wanted it to be fun--a good read--and even funny in parts.

Finally I wanted to write a book that can be read again and again. Each time getting some new insight. Or a book that a young man or lady who is just married, and issues develop, can reach for and turn to the chapter on the issue, and get some insights and solutions.

I believe that this is the book.

Your friend, Pastor Roland

Product Description

Why do couples argue? How can we put the sparkle back in our marriage? How can we communicate better? I’m a Christian but my boyfriend is not. What is the difference between courtship and casual dating? My wife asked me to leave. Why are men the way we are? What does my wife want? Can we reconcile? How about sex? My wife cheated on me –now what? Based on over 20 years of counseling couples and answering questions on the radio, this is the courtship, marriage and relationship repair handbook you have been waiting for. Roland tackles the tough questions with humor, discernment, and refreshing honesty. From the Garden of Eden to the 21st century, he’s got relationships covered.

About the Author

Roland Trujillo, lecturer, marriage coach, author, radio host, husband and dad, introduces his new comprehensive look at the delights, the challenges and the mysteries of marriage. For over 20 years, Roland has been helping couples repair their relationships and move forward to optimal living. Roland is now bringing his insights, based in compassion and spiritual principles, to a new level in this unique look at the perils, pitfalls, and promises of relationships.
Product Details

Paperback: 318 pages
ISBN-10: 1463663706
ISBN-13: 978-1463663704Here it is. The book you have been waiting for.

Written by Pastor Roland and based on 20 years of counseling and coaching couples

Here are just some of the topics discussed

The Dating and Mating Game Is Not a Game
“A Rose by Any Other Name is Still a Rose”
Why I Decided to Become a Pastor
Where to Find Real Solutions to your Relationship Woes
Why Couples Argue
Myths of Marriage
Sex in Marriage – The Shocking Truth
How to Forgive and Forget
How to Apologize and Clear the Air with Dignity
Just How Important is Dad?
Marriage Counseling for Men
Can I Reconcile with My Husband, Wife, or Child?
Is Food Your Secret Lover and Enabler?
Dealing with Hard Times
Adam & Eve: The First Dysfunctional Family
My Husband is Annoying
My Wife Asked Me to Move Out –What Should I
Do?
Advice to Divorced Moms
My Wife Cheated on Me – Now What?
Finding the Best Marriage Advice – Trust Your
God Given Instincts
10
The Strong Family—Ten Lessons in Faithfulness

Purchase at Amazon.com in quality paperback for $14.95

Preview at Scribd and purchase to download to your computer or mobile device for $9.95. Save 33% off paperback

Got a budget? Want to help Pastor Roland? For a donation of $5.00 we will send you this 315 page book in pdf. as a token of our appreciation. Click here to look inside or donate to help Roland

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Why Do I Feel Tired and Drained Around People and At Work?

2011-05-20T16:06:00.000-07:00

Many people feel tired and drained at work or around other people. It is common to feel tired and drained around others. As a counselor and spiritual caregiver, I know that it is very important to learn how to work and be around others without feeling drained. This article is a description of this issue, from a pastoral counselor's perspective, as well as an introduction to the solution.

I am aware that there may be physical environmental factors that contribute to feeling drained--such as electrosmog from electrical and electronic equipment (such as computers). Some people say there may even be the effect of cell phones, cordless phones or Wifi nearby. Other people warn of the possibility of chemicals in the air coming from furniture, carpets, cleaning chemicals or poorly filtered air.

The reader may wish to research these possibilities and perhaps consult with an environmental professional or a medical practitioner. Since I am a counselor I cannot address these issues other than mention them in passing as something to find out more about. Of course, there is just plain fatigue--working too hard or trying to do too much. If this describes you, then cut back a little so that your body can rest. Finally there may be physical health issues that should be checked out by your doctor or medical practitioner.

Like I said, I cannot comment on any of the above areas other then to mention them and encourage you to get help from the appropriate professional.

But what I can talk about are emotional and spiritual factors involved. I have been lecturing and writing for over 20 years about the psycho-spiritual causes of stress.

From an emotional and spiritual perspective, the reason why we feel tired and drained around people is because, frankly, many people ARE tiring and draining.

They drain us because they tempt us to react, to resent, and to respond to them. They nag, tease, or pressure us until we react. Then we resent their having gotten to us. Our resentment makes us feel guilty, and so we bend over backwards to be nice to them (to placate guilt). Soon the whole cycle starts again--we give our all, only to find they are taking advantage. We resent them (or ourselves) for this--and this leads to the vicious cycle repeating itself over and over.

Another type of temptation is that people are the source of is tension. There is the tension of unfinished business, the tension of injustice, and the tension of confusion. Other people may be the source of the temptation, but it is our own resentment that hurts us most of all. Instead of clearing the air and being outspoken (with calmness and patience) we become angry and clam up. We suppress our hostility and say nothing. So we end up tense around such people.

Often the person is someone near to you--a family member or a workmate. So tense and repressed and suppressed do we become that we vent our suppressed anger on someone else (like our kids) or we turn to drugs or alcohol to artificially calm down. But these legal or illegal drugs or alcohol drain us too! They have the power to drain us of energy and money (since they are expensive) because they are temptations themselves. We are using them for an artificial peace instead of finding peace with God and learning to be more forgiving.

Therefore, other people tempt us to react and give up energy. Once we become conditioned to react, even innocent people drain us too. People or situations that make us resentful and angry cause us to suppress hostility and become tense. The tension cries out for relief through drugs, alcohol, sex or violence.

Can you see, in very basic terms, that even just reacting to others, resenting them, and then having secret resentment towards them cause tension, because we feel uneasy about ourselves and off balance?

If you are reacting (and having others push your buttons), or resenting, you are not living gracefully and inwardly impelled. You sense this and it makes you feel anxious and uneasy. Tense, in other words.

Tension cries out for relief. And whatever you use to relieve the tension (even work or exercise!), drains you.

Mark this well: work will not drain you if it is natural, not wrong, and in accord with your nature. It becomes easy and an outflow of your creative self--like the way little kids play. If it is done resentfully or your motive or motivation is wrong, or the work itself is dishonest, it will drain you. Likewise exercise. There is a big difference between a hard days work at something you love and healthy exercise, so that you are tired at the end of the day and then get a good night's sleep, to wake up refreshed, and on the other hand, living off balance and ambitiously or resentfully doing things, only to be drained at the end of the day.

One more thing, if your work is right but you are still feeling tense and drained, it is most likely because either you are trying to hard (relax!), or you are resentful about something. Careful not to resent your work. Most of us have had jobs that were not very fulfilling, but if it is decent work and pays the bills, be grateful for it and don't resent it. Things are always changing--one day you may have a better job. In the meanwhile, there is nothing wrong with working with your hands

Before describing this typical situation in more detail, I want to quickly mention the solution. I am solution oriented, and the solution is the most important thing. We ought not to be reacting to people and feeling drained; nor should we be causing reacting in others. We ought to live with each other like flowers, each growing separately and loving the same sun, but not living off of each other.

You see, when we respond and react to the temptation in others, we give up energy. The tempter gets our energy, and we feel drained. Then we are compelled to take it out on someone else and drain that person. Thus we become more like animals, where the bigger dog defeats and drains a smaller dog; or like a fungus parasite living off another life form.

We are spiritual beings in a body. If we do not have an independent source of life (our Creator), we are obliged to plunder and take energy from others, or else take energy from our own body cells to serve king or queen ego. The solution is this. We must learn to live with people without having them live off of us. We must learn to live with others without living off of them. It was the temptation operating through someone (your mother, for example) who first teased you with confusion or cruelty or pulled on your heart strings and got you reacting emotionally.

Once your body started responding, a conditioning process set in; and before long you could not stop reacting. Let me also say that once you become conditioned to react and give up energy, the mere presence of another person (or someone with mannerisms like a tempter from the past) will cause reacting and a giving up of energy. So other people might drain you without their being a temptation or wanting to drain you.

This brings us to the issue of feeling tired and drained at work. The workplace is full of temptation. Bosses and coworkers are demanding. There is injustice. There is plenty of tease, such as gossip or intrigue. Workplaces tend to be ambitious environments, tempting us to react, try hard, set goals and give our all. No wonder we feel tired and drained!

Now that you know why people are draining, I will address what to do about it. You must learn to be around people without reacting to them emotionally. It is okay to work, go to school, have friends, get married, engage in recreation and so on--but just don't react emotionally to everyone and everything. Learn to be around people without being too close. Mentally stand back and observe your reactions. Don't struggle with your reactions or try to suppress them (this will only tire you more). Just watch them. Begin to notice all the little unnecessary responses and reactions you make.

As time passes, you will learn to catch yourself just before you begin getting angry or excited, for example. Avoid people who are especially draining if you can. If you must be around them, just remain a bit mentally distant. Do your work, go about your business as calmly as you can, and watch out for resentment. If you are like most people, you are so reactive after a lifetime of reacting, you will need a little help in learning how to stand back and be a little more detached.

A stress reduction meditation--one that takes into account all that I have just said--is very helpful and may be necessary. There is also a direct link between being ambitious and willful and our eventual deterioration and debilitation. That is why you must learn to meditate for mental distance. Learn to stand back, realize, and flow from realization. From the neutral zone, you will begin to be able to see what things capture your attention and seek to involve you emotionally. You will also see where you are struggling, straining, and applying effort--when graceful ease is all that is needed.

You will also see activities that you will find you are no longer interested in doing. Some of them were programmed into you. Others are just no longer needed. But you became locked into them through resentment and struggle. Some activities will still be necessary (such as work, for example) but you will be able to learn how to work without strain. If the work is not for you, you might have to change your work. Or perhaps stay where you are while saving money to make a change. Other work or work environments are just not right for you, and you will be able to leave and find something else. If the work is okay, then all you need do is change your motivation--learn to flow gracefully instead of straining out of resentment.

If you see what I am saying, you might just put the article down and go and meditate. Just becoming aware that you are resentful is already a big breakthrough step. Most of us are not even aware of how resentful we are. Resentment, you will recall, is a reaction and a draining one.

The proper meditation is the antidote to fixating, reacting, and struggling. When you learn to calm down, slow down, and stop straining, your body will have a chance to rest and recuperate. Watch out for resentment. It is perhaps the worst form of willful struggle, where another person upset you into struggling resentfully.

The mindfulness meditation that we offer at the Center for Common Sense Counseling is very spiritual and practical. It teaches you how to stand back and see the big picture. It permits you to become re-centered and to begin living your own life, flowing from within instead of reacting to everything.

The bottom line is this: you are leaking energy. Care for this condition is the meditation exercise which many people say has brought immediate relief from stress. Continued practice of the meditation has also helped people discover where they are leaking energy and learn composure to seal off energy loss. Learn how to be around people without reacting to them. Learn to cope with situations without getting upset. Learn how to live and move and have your being without having to build up a head of steam to get things done.

Talk To a Pastor Online: Becoming a Friend of God - Finding Peace of Mind a...

2011-04-24T08:05:00.000-07:00

Talk To a Pastor Online: Becoming a Friend of God - Finding Peace of Mind a...: "This Easter weekend celebrates the most beautiful and positive victory of all time. As my gift to you, I just published Becoming a Frie..."

How to Stop Over Reacting -Whether your Issue is Anger, Bipolar, Anxiety, Worry, or Just Feeling Out of Control, Our Free Meditation Might Help

2011-04-05T13:27:00.000-07:00

"When I got a rejection letter from a college I felt really low, and when the girl said she would go to the dance with me I felt really high. When my team lost I was bummed out and when I got promoted I was as high as a kite. When I was young I was emotional--up one minute and down the next. In other words, I was like 99% of the rest of the world. That's what parents are for--to be calm and stable when their kids are emotional. Part of growing up is to mature and gradually become more even. That's all. Thank God I was able to grow up and become mature without being labeled and drugged. " Michal Carlos Simon from his book Mike's Story"

This is Pastor Roland. Many people are concerned about negative emotions. They have them and are seeking to cope with them and solve them. So they are looking for educational resources and solution strategies.

Here are some excerpts from a recent article I wrote. It was addressed to Christians, but the principles of self control I allude to can work for anybody. You don't have to a Christian to begin learning the art of self control.

We all know that mature people are calm and collected. We admire our airplane pilots and championship athletes who remain cool under stress. Our parents told us about staying calm, not getting angry, not worrying and so on. But somewhere along the way you started reacting, and once you did, it became a progressive snowballing thing until years later, you can't stop over reacting because now your body is conditioned to react.
So what you need is some basic training. And it must be simple, not complicated, so that you can easily apply it.

That's where I can help. I explain how the over reacting and negative thoughts started. I provide a little tech support (the meditation) to help you calm down and be restored to self control. then I give you some simple principles to protect your calmer state.

First I talk about why we become upset in the first place (usually beginning in childhood) and how a proper meditation to learn how to calm down can help a person cope. I put this section first because I believe that finding the key to natural self control is the most important thing each of us can discover.

Many people are out of control, and regaining self sovereignty has so many benefits, among them a restored sense of dignity and self worth, living life on a more even keel, having more patience with others, and the restoration of hope when we discover that we really can cope with life's challenges and seek for the purpose of our life.

This post is a resource for you. It offers information and avenues for further exploration. Its purpose is to offer you some educational resources to help you in your search for answers. Obviously I do not know your individual circumstances, so I am just offering some general information.

Part One: Why We Became Negative and Emotional In the First Place and How to Regain Self Control

Dr. Peter Breggin, M.D. wrote a book entitled Toxic Psychiatry: Why Therapy, Empathy and Love Must Replace the Drugs, Electroshock and Biochemical Theories of the New Psychiatry.
I like his title and premise of his book. I do not believe in the biochemical theories, and I do not believe in the so called "chemical imbalance in the brain" theory.

Love, empathy and understanding are indeed what we all need. Our fellow humans, if graced with understanding and patience, may at least do no harm, give us space to recover, or perhaps lend a helping hand when we are in a tough spot. However, I believe that the ultimate love, empathy and understanding that we need to solve our issues, restore self composure and a sense of well being come from our Creator within.

Trouble is--it was someone out in the world who started us reacting in the first place. We began to feel empty and out of control. So we made the mistake of looking to the world for love and for answers.

Whether you look to people, substances, experts, helpers, or organizations--you can't find what you lost out in the world. What you lost was rapport with your Creator, and the means of being calm, reasonable, and fulfilled without becoming dependent on someone or something on the outside.

It happens that a person can begin to feel overwhelmed and out of control through some childhood trauma or having a big reaction to some incident, because of a lack of guidance about how to control emotions, or because of the accumulation of many small emotional reactions. Another contributor to feeling overwhelmed is pressure and challenge (whether the pressures are religious, sports, academic, parental, or peer group).

I have to say that the patient and kind presence of someone with understanding, especially a calm and unperturbed parent, might have prevented the emotional build up. In this regard, there is nothing like the steady hand of a father. Father stands in for God in the eyes of the child. A father who is there for us and who is full of wisdom and grace is often all we need to get through life's vicissitudes unscathed.

But for whatever reason the negative emotions began, and once they take hold there is then a struggle with the symptoms, plus resentment toward others and impatience with their own self. Resentment leads to even more anxiety, guilt, unhappiness, and run away emotions.
That is why patience and understanding both with yourself and others is needed. I have a free meditation which has helped a lot of people become centered and helped them refind their calm center of dignity.

We cannot give ourselves patience or understanding, but we can discover them within when we cease our struggle and, as the old expression goes, "let go and let God." The problem is that most of us don't know how to become centered. We are just too emotional, too lost in thinking and struggling.

The meditation is just a little tech support. God says in the Bible "Be still and know that I am God." The little meditation exercise assists a person in being still. That's all. God does the rest.

Once a person learns how to get centered and calm down, s/he is more receptive to reason and intuitive insight. The person can then calmly see, grasp, and most importantly apply the kind of sound advice you get from wise people or good teachers, for example. The assistance of my meditation may be very well be helpful in restoring a person to a more even keel and calmness. Then s/he can successfully move forward with the Christian walk.

The meditation is complementary to what you are doing now. I am not seeking to replace your present faith practices or your relationship with your health provider, pastor or spiritual caregiver.

The stillness meditation is simply a tool to get centered and calm down. Then it will be easier to be a Christian and to apply to your life the beautiful Christian principles that you hear and read. It helps you to be a better Christian. When you are calmer and less upset, you will not be lost in worries. You will be able to focus better on the instruction of your good pastor or the Scripture.
This brings us to the subject of drugs.

Psychiatrist and expert in psychopharmacology, Dr. Peter Breggin, wrote a book entitled Your Drug May Be Your Problem: How and Why to Stop Taking Psychiatric Medication. He points out that in some cases the side effects of various psychotropic drugs include such things as restlessness, anxiety, mania, depression, hearing voices, thoughts of hurting self or others, and increased suicidality (that's why the FDA has required the drug manufacturers to put Black Box Warnings about increased suicidality on some meds, especially for children and adolescents).

As discussed in Dr. Breggin's book Medication Madness - the Role of Psychiatric Drugs in Suicide, Violence and Crime, if a person is experiencing negative thoughts and feelings as side effects, and does not realize that the drug may be contributing to them, that person sometimes starts to blame himself or herself for what they are thinking or feeling.

This self doubt and self blame lead to more negativity. This unfortunate situation is solveable when the person is educated about the fact that it's not them it's the side effect.

Parents may wish to read Dr. Breggins's book and educate themselves about this issue. Dr. Breggin devotes a whole chapter to effects associated with stimulant drugs given to treat children. This book is available at many free public libraries.

While under the spellbinding influence of emotion or drug, people think, say or do things that they never would otherwise. For example, under the influence of anger, a person might say something hurtful they later are sorry for.

Without realizing that marijuana has caused their driving skills to deteriorate, a person might make a mistake while driving.

Dr. Hendrickson describes in her book about a lady who recounted that after taking meds she began hearing voices telling her that she was ugly and everyone hated her. I recently heard of people who take a med to help them sleep who get up and cook or drive their car in the middle of the night and don't even remember it the next day.

Maybe you can also see that emotions, such as anger, are like drugs. Perhaps the worst "drug" of all is the emotion of resentment. The very Christian virtues of patience, love, and forgiveness are hard to apply when emotions are running high, especially resentment. Since emotions, especially resentment, interfere with the calm application of principles such as those taught by Christ in the Sermon on the Mount, it makes sense to first calm down.

Incidentally, I have devoted twenty years of study to resentment and the importance of letting it go. In fact, I have discovered the secret to forgiveness. Many people know they are supposed to forgive but find it hard and don't know how (the secret lies in dropping resentment). I have covered this topic extensively in my books and articles. See free self help resources.

I have already mentioned drugs. The problem with taking drugs to calm down is that taking drugs causes guilt. We ought not to need a drug to calm us down, a drink of alcohol to give us courage, or a comedian to make us happy.

Calmness, spontaneity, happiness, courage and a blythe care-free spirit are the natural state of the human being (such as you see in little children). These come forth from within, and are there for us when we look to our Creator instead of to external supports.

Your downfall began with something or someone on the outside that you reacted to with anger or resentment, instead of remaining patient by responding only to inner principle. As Christians we know we are supposed to be patient and not take umbrage.

But you did take umbrage.

Your love was tested and found wanting. Now, you are undoubtedly still resenting the fact that you failed, still trying to make good, and still struggling with the cascade of symptoms that are the sequelae of your initial reaction long ago.

Now you must pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and admit that you failed. Don't be too hard on yourself (it's just another way the ego tries to rise above the situation and save its pride). We have all sinned and fallen short, as Paul said.

But here is my point. If it was reacting to the outside that started your descent in the first place, then more of the same is not the answer. You cannot solve your issue by more reacting to the outside. The answer is not on the outside--whether responding to a drug, substance, promises, support, words, or music.

The answer is responding to Truth within and finding an inner rapport, so that when the next external appeal comes along, this time you can remain unmoved.

True self control is from within--not painful suppression and repression, but a natural effortless control. Peace of mind, virtue and joy are awaiting us when we look within instead of looking to the outside. We need to be restored to our calm center of dignity where we might commune with insight and patience coming from God.

When we are back in touch with our God-given intuition, we then live and move and have our being from an inner source of intuitive guidance. And from there we get our energy to move. Being moved by a love of principle, we move forward without guilt or anxiety. Being on the same page as our Creator, we have no more unrecognized conflict with Him.

By being patient with others instead of resentful, we are rewarded with God's love from within. No longer needing the motivation of emotions to get the energy to move, we calm down and we begin to affect the world instead of the world affecting us.

No longer needing external pressures and challenges to stimulate us, we look within to apply delicate principles. And because the wellspring of our life is now from our Creator, there is no more anxiety or guilt. Only a peace of mind and a quiet joy in living our life. We learn that we don't need drugs, emotions, resentment, excitement or other externally based stimulations to be reasonable happy most of the time.

We need more than symptom removal. And we need more than knowledge about our issues. How many people do you know who seem to know everything about their operation, their diagnosis, or their meds. They are very knowledgeable, but they lack understanding that would give them insight and patience with themselves and others.

We cannot find this precious understanding in books, on the internet, from a preacher, from a drug, a counselor, or in a classroom. The best anyone can do for you is speak in such a way as to awaken you to see for yourself, so that you might see solutions instead of problems and so that you might stand back and stop interfering with natural spiritual restorative processes.

Understanding is a gift from God to the person who sincerely wants to know the truth and is willing to set aside raw knowledge and the judgments of pride in order to know God instead of playing God. It comes from within as a wordless knowing to the humble soul.

We need to find the state of mind where we can access God's understanding from within. This state of mind is called objectivity.

As long as you remain lost in thoughts, emotions, and study, you cannot find God's Presence and realize His point of view. You remain subjective.

Everything that I am trying to do on my radio program and in my books and blogs is awaken you to see that you are currently too lost in thinking and emotions. .

If you can learn to take a step back, and look at your issues objectively, you will inherit objectivity and the power to observe them without over-reacting to what you see. You will realize patience--first with yourself, then with others. You will realize that you have been too lost in struggling with your own issues, trying to save yourself, and then dealing with symptoms. You will also inherit understanding about yourself and others.

Therefore, may I suggest that you check out our meditation. It is free to listen to and download. There are also some reading resources, also free, to help you get started.

This is Pastor Roland. Many people are concerned about negative emotions. They have them and are seeking to cope with them and solve them. So they are looking for educational resources and solution strategies.

Here are some excerpts from a recent article I wrote. It was addressed to Christians, but the principles of self control I allude to can work for anybody. You don't have to a Christian to begin learning the art of self control.

We all know that mature people are calm and collected. We admire our airplane pilots and championship athletes who remain cool under stress. Our parents told us about staying calm, not getting angry, not worrying and so on. But somewhere along the way you started reacting, and once you did, it became a progressive snowballing thing until years later, you can't stop over reacting because now your body is conditioned to react.

So what you need is some basic training. And it must be simple, not complicated, so that you can easily apply it.Read the whole article

Christian Bipolar - a Pastor's Perspective and a Success Story for Christians with Bipolar

2011-04-05T07:46:00.001-07:00

"Despite all the emphasis of giving drugs to depressed people, many recover from depression with time on their own, while others receive help from a variety of sources, including therapy, family, and religion. Depression is a loss of hope. . . . The restoration of hope is key to overcoming depression and hope can come from many sources. The alternative to antidepressants is all of life: romantic love, family, friends, community, nature, and religion all help people overcome depression. Scientific studies show that everything from a new pet to an exercise program, as well as the passage of time, can relieve depression." Dr. Peter Breggin

This is Pastor Roland. Many people are concerned about negative emotions. They have them and are seeking to cope with them and solve them. So they are looking for educational resources and solution strategies. This article is divided into three sections.

First I talk about why we become upset in the first place (usually beginning in childhood) and how a proper meditation to learn how to calm down can help a person cope. I put this section first because I believe that finding the key to natural self control is the most important thing each of us can discover.

Many people are out of control, and regaining self sovereignty has so many benefits, among them a restored sense of dignity and self worth, living life on a more even keel, having more patience with others, and the restoration of hope when we discover that we really can cope with life's challenges and seek for the purpose of our life.

Next, I include a success story of someone who overcame depression, bipolar, anxiety and many other issues (such as overweight, smoking, and shyness) without drugs. It is Mike's story, told in his own words. It's a good read and inspirational.

Third, I list some online resources for further reading and listening (starting with my own articles and blogs).

This post is a resource for you. It offers information and avenues for further exploration. Its purpose is to offer you some educational resources to help you in your search for answers. Obviously I do not know your individual circumstances, so I am just offering some general information.

Part One: Why We Became Negative and Emotional In the First Place and How to Regain Self Control

We suffer from a disconnect from our Creator. We cannot give ourselves patience, we cannot give ourselves love, we cannot give ourselves joy. We need our Creator's love and approval. The problem is that finding our Creator is interfered with by out of control emotions, but it is the calm Presence of our Creator and the surety of realizing His benevolence and providence that we need to restore composure.

Humans beings have a soul. We thrive in an atmosphere of love.

Dr. Peter Breggin, M.D. wrote a book entitled Toxic Psychiatry: Why Therapy, Empathy and Love Must Replace the Drugs, Electroshock and Biochemical Theories of the New Psychiatry.

I like his title and premise of his book. I do not believe in the biochemical theories, and I do not believe in the so called "chemical imbalance in the brain" theory.

Love, empathy and understanding are indeed what we all need. Our fellow humans, if graced with understanding and patience, may at least do no harm, give us space to recover, or perhaps lend a helping hand when we are in a tough spot. However, I believe that the ultimate love, empathy and understanding that we need to solve our issues, restore self composure and a sense of well being come from our Creator within.

Trouble is--it was someone out in the world who started us reacting in the first place. We began to feel empty and out of control. So we made the mistake of looking to the world for love and for answers.

Whether you look to people, substances, experts, helpers, or organizations--you can't find what you lost out in the world. What you lost was rapport with your Creator, and the means of being calm, reasonable, and fulfilled without becoming dependent on someone or something on the outside.

At this point, I might take a moment to address my Christian brothers and sisters. It happens that a person can begin to feel overwhelmed and out of control through some childhood trauma or having a big reaction to some incident, because of a lack of guidance about how to control emotions, or because of the accumulation of many small emotional reactions. Another contributor to feeling overwhelmed is pressure and challenge (whether the pressures are religious, sports, academic, parental, or peer group).

I have to say that the patient and kind presence of someone with understanding, especially a calm and unperturbed parent, might have prevented the emotional build up. In this regard, there is nothing like the steady hand of a father. Father stands in for God in the eyes of the child. A father who is there for us and who is full of wisdom and grace is often all we need to get through life's vicissitudes unscathed.

But for whatever reason the negative emotions began, and once they take hold there is then a struggle with the symptoms, plus resentment toward others and impatience with their own self. Resentment leads to even more anxiety, guilt, unhappiness, and run away emotions.

That is why patience and understanding both with yourself and others is needed. I have a free Christian meditation which has helped a lot of people become centered and helped them refind their calm center of dignity.

We cannot give ourselves patience or understanding, but we can discover them within when we cease our struggle and, as the old expression goes, "let go and let God." The problem is that most of us don't know how to become centered. We are just too emotional, too lost in thinking and struggling.

The meditation is just a little tech support. God says in the Bible "Be still and know that I am God." The little meditation exercise assists a person in being still. That's all. God does the rest.

Once a person learns how to get centered and calm down, s/he is more receptive to reason and intuitive insight. The person can then calmly see, grasp, and most importantly apply the kind of sound advice you get in the Bible, for example, or from a good pastor. The assistance of my Christian meditation may be very well be helpful in restoring a person to a more even keel and calmness. Then s/he can successfully move forward with the Christian walk.

The Christian meditation is complementary to what you are doing now. I am not seeking to replace your present faith practices or your relationship with your pastor or spiritual caregiver.

The Christian stillness meditation is simply a tool to get centered and calm down. Then it will be easier to be a Christian and to apply to your life the beautiful Christian principles that you hear and read. It helps you to be a better Christian. When you are calmer and less upset, you will not be lost in worries. You will be able to focus better on the instruction of your good pastor or the Scripture.

I am not saying that you have to try the meditation; many wonderful Christians and spiritual people throughout the ages have found an inner rapport their Creator. They come to it naturally. But I am saying that when we get out of control emotionally, the emotions interfere with the Christian walk and make it harder.

And as a snowballing effect occurs, it gets harder and harder to get out of excessive emotions and the resulting worry and negative thinking that go hand in hand with the emotions.

Like I have always said, it's hard to be a loving Christian when you are upset and resentful. It is difficult to have faith when you are full of anxiety; it is hard to practice Christian charity when resentful; or the Christian practice of forgiveness when angry; and it is hard to be give thanks and be joyous when under the emotion of depression.

The Christian will be edified to learn that it is in departing from patience and faith that we fall into emotions. The secret to regaining self composure is to return to and cling to an inner rapport with the Source of patience and faith. You have suffered from a disconnect from your Creator.

And as I have always said--conscience is your closest link to God. When I say conscience, I mean what you know in your heart is right (it is a quiet presence and a sense of well being, until you stray from it, then it feels like conscience when it seeks to make you aware that you have erred). All you need is to plug back in, begin again to trust in your intuition (your gut, your highest instincts) and great will be your joy and relief when you discover that patience and understanding will be imparted to you there.

I'm sure you've heard this before--what people need is finding and solving the cause of their issues; but what they get is mostly symptom removal. Taking away symptoms is what most of our worldly helpers, experts, entertainers and lovers are adept at. Trouble is their brand of symptom relief and symptom removal leads to more symptoms, unforeseen side effects, and more unawareness--leading to another round of error. Meanwhile the cause is still there.

This brings us to the subject of drugs.

Psychiatrist and expert in psychopharmacology, Dr. Peter Breggin, wrote a book entitled Your Drug May Be Your Problem: How and Why to Stop Taking Psychiatric Medication. He points out that in some cases the side effects of various psychotropic drugs include such things as restlessness, anxiety, mania, depression, hearing voices, thoughts of hurting self or others, and increased suicidality (that's why the FDA has required the drug manufacturers to put Black Box Warnings about increased suicidality on some meds, especially for children and adolescents).

As discussed in Dr. Breggin's book Medication Madness - the Role of Psychiatric Drugs in Suicide, Violence and Crime, if a person is experiencing negative thoughts and feelings as side effects, and does not realize that the drug may be contributing to them, that person sometimes starts to blame himself or herself for what they are thinking or feeling.

This self doubt and self blame lead to more negativity. This unfortunate situation is solveable when the person is educated about the fact that it's not them it's the side effect.

Parents may wish to read Dr. Breggins's book and educate themselves about this issue. Dr. Breggin devotes a whole chapter to effects associated with stimulant drugs given to treat children. This book is available at many free public libraries.

While under the spellbinding influence of emotion or drug, people think, say or do things that they never would otherwise. For example, under the influence of anger, a person might say something hurtful they later are sorry for.

Without realizing that marijuana has caused their driving skills to deteriorate, a person might make a mistake while driving.

Dr. Hendrickson describes in her book about a lady who recounted that after taking meds she began hearing voices telling her that she was ugly and everyone hated her. I recently heard of people who take a med to help them sleep who get up and cook or drive their car in the middle of the night and don't even remember it the next day.

How do any of these negative effects help in the Christian walk? They obviously don't. They make the Christian walk harder.

Maybe you can also see that emotions, such as anger, are like drugs. Perhaps the worst "drug" of all is the emotion of resentment. The very Christian virtues of patience, love, and forgiveness are hard to apply when emotions are running high, especially resentment. Since emotions, especially resentment, interfere with the calm application of principles such as those taught by Christ in the Sermon on the Mount, it makes sense to first calm down.

Incidentally, I have devoted twenty years of study to resentment and the importance of letting it go. In fact, I have discovered the secret to forgiveness. Many people know they are supposed to forgive but find it hard and don't know how (the secret lies in dropping resentment). I have covered this topic extensively in my books and articles. See free self help resources.

I have already mentioned drugs. The problem with taking drugs to calm down is that taking drugs causes guilt. We ought not to need a drug to calm us down, a drink of alcohol to give us courage, or a comedian to make us happy.

Calmness, spontaneity, happiness, courage and a blythe care-free spirit are the natural state of the human being (such as you see in little children). These come forth from within, and are there for us when we look to our Creator instead of to external supports.

Many Christians who keep looking for external crutches are just not Christian enough. They may be Christian, but not Christian through and through. Some of them are glad to discover that all the external things they lean on are what is interfering with being the Christian they would like to be. The good life is an inside thing, not an outside thing. Ssomething was always missing, but they couldn't figure out what it was. Perhaps the meditation can help you find the missing something that will restore a bounce in your step and make your Christianity come alive for you.

Your downfall began with something or someone on the outside that you reacted to with anger or resentment, instead of remaining patient by responding only to inner principle. As Christians we know we are supposed to be patient and not take umbrage.

But you did take umbrage.

Your love was tested and found wanting. Now, you are undoubtedly still resenting the fact that you failed, still trying to make good, and still struggling with the cascade of symptoms that are the sequelae of your initial reaction long ago.

Now you must pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and admit that you failed. Don't be too hard on yourself (it's just another way the ego tries to rise above the situation and save its pride). We have all sinned and fallen short, as Paul said.

But here is my point. If it was reacting to the outside that started your descent in the first place, then more of the same is not the answer. You cannot solve your issue by more reacting to the outside. The answer is not on the outside--whether responding to a drug, substance, promises, support, words, or music.

The answer is responding to Truth within and finding an inner rapport, so that when the next external appeal comes along, this time you can remain unmoved.

True self control is from within--not painful suppression and repression, but a natural effortless control. Peace of mind, virtue and joy are awaiting us when we look within instead of looking to the outside. We need to be restored to our calm center of dignity where we might commune with insight and patience coming from God.

When we are back in touch with our God-given intuition, we then live and move and have our being from an inner source of intuitive guidance. And from there we get our energy to move. Being moved by a love of principle, we move forward without guilt or anxiety. Being on the same page as our Creator, we have no more unrecognized conflict with Him.

By being patient with others instead of resentful, we are rewarded with God's love from within. No longer needing the motivation of emotions to get the energy to move, we calm down and we begin to affect the world instead of the world affecting us.

No longer needing external pressures and challenges to stimulate us, we look within to apply delicate principles. And because the wellspring of our life is now from our Creator, there is no more anxiety or guilt. Only a peace of mind and a quiet joy in living our life. We learn that we don't need drugs, emotions, resentment, excitement or other externally based stimulations to be reasonable happy most of the time.

We need more than symptom removal. And we need more than knowledge about our issues. How many people do you know who seem to know everything about their operation, their diagnosis, or their meds. They are very knowledgeable, but they lack understanding that would give them insight and patience with themselves and others.

We cannot find this precious understanding in books, on the internet, from a preacher, from a drug, a counselor, or in a classroom. The best anyone can do for you is speak in such a way as to awaken you to see for yourself, so that you might see solutions instead of problems and so that you might stand back and stop interfering with natural spiritual restorative processes.

Understanding is a gift from God to the person who sincerely wants to know the truth and is willing to set aside raw knowledge and the judgments of pride in order to know God instead of playing God. It comes from within as a wordless knowing to the humble soul.

We need to find the state of mind where we can access God's understanding from within. This state of mind is called objectivity.

As long as you remain lost in thoughts, emotions, and study, you cannot find God's Presence and realize His point of view. You remain subjective.

Everything that I am trying to do on my radio program and in my books and blogs is awaken you to see that you are currently too lost in thinking and emotions. .

If you can learn to take a step back, and look at your issues objectively, you will inherit objectivity and the power to observe them without over-reacting to what you see. You will realize patience--first with yourself, then with others. You will realize that you have been too lost in struggling with your own issues, trying to save yourself, and then dealing with symptoms. You will also inherit understanding about yourself and others.

Let's take a quick look at how most of our emotional issues began. if you are like most people, what undoubtedly happened is that when you were a child someone failed to have love and patience for you.

An impatient or bossy parent, or an absent, drunken, or violent dad who wasn't there for you are often the ones who failed to have the agape love that would have shielded you from the emotional teases of the world. A weak parent, or one who is overly permissive, is just the other side of the coin of the impatient parent--neither has the kind of agape, emotionless love that we all really need.

When dad wasn't there for you, you became subject to your mothers' tender mercies--and if she didn't spoil you or teach you to hate your father, then she was impatient or even cruel. Through father's failure, we became subject to the world.

Through father's failure, you became subject to your teasing naughty friends, the gang, the pressuring or doting teachers and coaches, the pharmaceuticals, the drug dealer, the music and the entertainment industry--all of which appealed to your ego and your need for love. They appeared to love you, from your egotistical perspective. You felt empty and needy, and they filled the need with false love.

Sometimes we all need a helping hand, and we need someone to take charge when we are out of control. Afterwards we may need some sort of support to help keep us from falling back into the old habit patterns and associations that got us in trouble in the first place.

I take my hat off to the many people in the helping professions and the administrative systems who genuinely want to alleviate suffering and help individuals and society. They have a tough job and limited resources. I am glad and grateful they are there to help.

But there is only so much they can do. And to use an analogy--though we sometimes need the help of the good doctors at a hospital to help us get through a crisis, we don't want to stay in the hospital forever. We want to quickly get better and then move forward to health.

Likewise, when it comes to mental, emotional and spiritual health, it is good when we get a helping hand to help us weather the storm.

But just as we don't want to remain in the hospital forever, likewise we should not have to remain in church forever, on meds forever, or remain dependent on the system forever.

We should gratefully accept the temporary help of the hospital, the helping professionals, our support system, or the generosity of the social welfare administration, and then get back on our feet, become self reliant, and move forward to recovery, well being and optimal living. We shouldn't have to remain in church forever or in the system forever.

That is why the meditation and the insights of objectivity can be helpful. Once people refind their own center of dignity and discover access there to a fount of intuitive insight, they can become self motivated and self correcting.

They are grateful for the helping hand other people extended, but then instead of becoming dependent, they become well, productive, self reliant and self correcting.

Can you see how important it is to refind your God given intuition? Through the inner light which we know as wordless intuition, we find a link to our Creator and the kind of inner motivation and just-in-time guidance that stabilizes and restores us to dignity, faith, and peace of mind.

We will then be able to see, in this Light, which way to go and what activities to pursue that are in line with our God given talents. And perhaps most importantly, we discover that God gives us His warm love from within. We discover that for people who are sorry for judgments and hatreds, and who are willing to give up resentments, He forgives them and they feel His love within. Then they find that they can have patience with others and patience with their own failings and symptoms.

Otherwise, we are relegated to keep hunting and pecking for love from the world. Some of us turn to food, alcohol, or drugs to fill the emptiness. These substances appear to love you, but later you find that they are also your betrayers. Food cannot save you and fulfill you. And the kind of salvation a person finds in drugs or alcohol is the kind of unawareness that makes them even more prone to negative thoughts and wrong behaviors.

Perhaps now you can see the harm of the weak father. He may be decent, and he may even say the right things. But he says them weakly. He does not want to offend. He wants to be liked. He wants to be popular.

He turns you over the peer culture, the sports culture, the entertainment culture and the types of help that are available from external sources. In essence, he hands you over to others to have their way with you. He turns over responsibility to mom and puts her in charge. And she then turns the kids over to external authorities, to the peer group, and to the pop culture.

So now you know how it was that you were emotionalized, externalized and traumatized. It was not your fault. Now you see where the world's "love" has brought you. But this is not an excuse to resent or hate your parents, the schools, doctors, counselors, the clergy, the peer group, entertainers or anyone else. Sure they failed and may have betrayed you.

But surely you must also see that you used them. When you arrived at their doorstep begging for support, love and help--they did indeed try to help you. But you thereby gave them the power to play god over you.

Alas their help was human help. What you needed was God's love and help. But no one showed you how or where to find it. Your father was the one who should have been there with wisdom and understanding to stand patiently but steadfastly for what is right, to protect your innocence, and ever so gently guide you to find your Creator within.

But undoubtedly, no matter how decent he was, he was not stronger than the world. He too was a victim. No one had tutored him and shown him the way. So he never found it himself. When you see this, you will be able to forgive him for failing you.

Like I said, we all need to go to a doctor at times or get some help from someone. We must be grateful for their skill and their willingness to help. We must be grateful (and not feel humiliated) to need a little helping hand. But they are only human too. It is unfair to expect them to save you. You must graciously accept their help, but then seek to wean yourself from taking advantage of them.

I once heard Dr. Adrian Rogers say something interesting in this regard. He said that human goodness is not goodness if it leads you away from God. Just as some moms have done harm to their child by jealously claiming the child's love and coming between the child and his father, so likewise those we ask to help us may end up unknowingly keeping us from God if we put them on pedestals, use them to deny reality, or if we resent them when their help fails to save us.

When it comes to your unloved mom and your unaware weak dad, you must no longer resent them. They were victims too. Chances are that--whatever they did to you or allowed others to do to you--your parents didn't know any better or didn't know what was going on. Perhaps they were gullible and naive. Perhaps one or both were so angry and upset that they could not see through their emotions what your needs were. Perhaps they knew you were being harmed by them or others, but they were powerless to stop themselves or solve the situation.

The good news is that beginning right now you can start to solve your issues, regardless of what happened to you in the past. It begins with dropping your resentments against your parents (perhaps in the light of what you have just read). Then you will be able to extend that forgiveness to others too, especially to those who resemble the ones who hurt you when you were a child.

When you see that they too were victims, that they were claimed at an early age, and that no one had true agape love for them, it will be easier to forgive them.

The other thing is this--even if your parents had been perfect, because of your inherited pridefulness, you undoubtedly would have resented them anyway for not worshipping your or letting you have your way.

Remember the Garden of Eden story. Adam was in Paradise, but he was tempted to try to have his own way, and so he became ambitious. We all inherit his prideful nature, so we want to be admired and have our way. So like I said, even if your parents had been perfect, when they didn't worship you or let you have your way, you probably would have resented them, taken umbrage and looked to the world to admire and support your rebellion against your parents.

So now you know that others failed you--but you already know this. Now just realize that your mistake was resenting them and then chasing after them to get back what you lost.

Know now that you cannot get back what you lost from the world.

What you lost was a rapport with your inner ground of being that would have nourished your self. In order to regain your dignity, your self control, self worth, love and peace of mind, you must become still and stop your ever more frantic search for something out in the world.

You cannot find peace of mind in an alcohol bottle or a pill bottle. A renewed sense of purpose, joy and self control come from within.

You lost them by becoming resentful and then looking for external support and reassurance for your hateful and empty self.

If it was a failure of other people to love you properly--to be patient with you, to be there for you, and to gently correct your ego excessses-- that was the beginning of your downward slide, what is perpetuating it now is your failure to love.

And your failure to love is evident in your resentment and judgments toward others. The way to love others is to be patient with them. Learn to overlook offenses. Learn to see error without resenting the person for their error. Love by not hating. Love by not resenting. Love by being patient. You will then be able to be patient with yourself.

Just as permissiveness, drugs, perks and praise build up our ego and set us up for a fall; we then continue to deteriorate because of our resentment and hatred of those responsible. In other words, resentment, judgment and hatred feed your ego. Resentment and judgment are the booby prizes for the resentful loser.

The secret to your recovery lies in learning to give up resentment, and in refinding the objective state of mind you had long ago before your fall began.

You have probably heard the famous saying "let go and let God." For a person with a sincere attitude, our meditation (free to listen to and download) is the simple technology that teaches you how to refind objectivity. Now let me elaborate a bit on the topic of forgiveness

A willingness to forgive opens the door to emotional and spiritual recovery. . Right now, your biggest problem is resentment. Resenting others and resenting yourself. Most of your negative emotions and the symptoms that are contributed to by negative emotions have their root in resentment.

We spend so much time as individuals and as a society dealing with symptoms. Millions and billions of hours and dollars are spent dealing with symptoms of people's failing to love and have understanding for each other.

All the drug abuse, violence, divorce, broken homes, depression and suffering have their roots in a failure to find love and understanding. First when we resent those who didn't have patience and understanding for us when we were kids. Then we resent others, and then we resent ourselves.

Think about it. When you were a kid or a teen, didn't your unhappiness usually stem from your parents not having understanding for you? Then you went to school and there was tease and bullying, and all kinds of peer pressure and academic pressure--again a result of others not having love. Some kids were nice, but others were cruel and teasing.

Fortunately you probably had some good teachers and coaches, and for this I am glad. But even good teachers, coaches, educators, and various authorities, bless their hearts, sometimes just don't always have understanding. Some of them, unfortunately, challenge (pressure) us to succeed, under the misguided notion that they are helping us. Others talked at you instead of to you. Some were nice and may have said the right things, but they were weak and said them too weakly.

Often they got things backwards. When you needed authorities to be strong, they were weak. And when you needed them to be compassionate, they were rigid and harsh. You may have felt like you were left to fend for yourself in a cruel world. You looked to your mom and dad, but sometimes they were struggling with their own issues and may have had little time or patience for you. For some people, their dad may not have even been there.

And if your parents were decent and did the best they could, somehow they were weak, and their love was not strong enough to protect you and then tutor you in how to deal with life's pressures and teases. You become angry and resentful. You felt empty. And you looked to the world for love.

First you looked for love from other people, and what you got was use. You then may have turned to food, alcohol, drugs, or lowly pleasures for their kind of love. Each time you felt dissatisfied, and may have felt degraded and worse off for your indulgences. Perhaps you compensated by throwing yourself into athletics or study, or you may have developed a hard self protective shell.

Either you conformed to please people, or you went the rebellion route. Full of anger and hostility, some people rebel and turn to crime, gangs, and drugs. The love from the drug dealer and the gang leader are pitiful substitutes for the real love they had needed. Often we turn to boyfriends and girlfriends, and before you know it, there are all sorts of issues there: use and abuse, violence, breakups, sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies, or abortions, and emotional issues.

If you are lucky, you survive the peer pressure and avoid the gangs and drugs, and end up married to a decent person. But soon the unfinished business from the past--having not been loved properly and having been corrupted--comes alive and comes back to haunt you. Soon you find yourself arguing with your husband or wife, just like your parents did. Perhaps you feel unhappy and can't help but blame your spouse.

And all along the way, if we are not hating and resenting someone else,then we turn our hatred on ourselves. We are full of self loathing. Our resentment now also prevents us from loving ourselves. So now we come to the second half of the recovery equation: giving up resentment.

It would be nice if we had had parents who were filled with wisdom and grace in the first place. And it would have been nice if other people had understanding. If our parents or other authorities had had real love and patience, they might have gently corrected our ego needs and greeds. They would not have teased and challenged us to be ambitious. They would have protected our innocence, and given us space to grow to whom the Good Lord intended us to be.

But alas, most of our parents and other authorities, though they may have done the best they could, did not have love and understanding themselves. They could not give what they did not have. When you realize this, it will help you forgive them for having failed you.

If your mom and dad were (or are) good people, then that is very good. If you nevertheless feel empty or unloved, it could be that you are resenting them for something. It is important to not resent your parents. Even if they made some mistakes, just don't resent them for it. Any feeling of emptiness is usually connected with resentment of someone. And the most important people not to resent are our parents.

Sure, our friends may have been kind and supportive. But their kind of support only fed our ego selfishness. Besides, they were just as lost as you. But now that you are an adult, it is time to move forward. If others failed you, as they surely did, you failed others too. You resented and judged them.

In fact, because you were born with a fallen ego, even if your parents had been perfect, you probably still would have resented them anyway when you didn't get your way. So we all are tempted and our love was found wanting. Others failed us and we hated them for it. Then feeling empty and unloved because of our secret hostility and resentment, we looked for something to fill the emptiness.

We looked to social approval, boyfriends, food, drugs, alcohol or marijuana to fill the emptiness. But others used us, the drugs betrayed us, and through getting the wrong kind of "love" were corrupted. So what is the answer? It does not matter what others did to you, nor does it matter in what particular ways you failed in the past.

What is important now is that you find objectivity--the ability to stand back and look at thoughts, emotions, and circumstances and see them objectively in the Light of Truth. Right now you are too caught up in struggling with your own problems and lost in emotions. You need objectivity. Things are not as hopeless as they seem, but in order to realize the solution, you need the ability to stand back from the issue, the symptoms, and the struggle.

In brief, you need to get out of your emotions.

We all have access to the inner light. This inner Light is how we realize things without words. We call it intuition, common sense, or a gut level knowing. When we have such an insight, it is wordless. We just know or sense something. But what we don't realize is that the way we know is that we are seeing in the inner Light.

This inner Light is a wonderful thing, actually our most precious possession. It is not some far out mysterious thing. It is how we have common sense and intuition. It is how we realize. An animal cannot REALIZE but people can. We were all close to the light when we were little children. We knew things wordlessly. We loved and responded to what we saw was good and true, and when we saw injustice, we knew it without words. No one had to teach us, we just saw it. We were close to innocence and close to God.

But we fell away from what we wordlessly knew in our hearts when we became emotional and our ego began to look to the world to fulfill it. We doubted what we knew in our hearts, and we believed and followed others instead. They promised to fulfil our ego desires.

It was only later that we may have become aware that we had exchanged our most precious gift for tawdry trinkets from the world. You see, not only is the Inner Light (what we know in our heart is right) the source of intuition and protection, but it is also the Source of all true creativity, fulfilment, inspiration, revelation, and love.

Now, the solution to all your problems lies in finding your way back to this inner Light and learning to relate to it properly.

Once you become friends with this wordless intuition (which now feels like conscience), you will have peace with God and the light will be a lamp unto your feet, providing private counsel and just in time guidance for the rest of your life.

Fortunately it is not difficult to find and relate to what we know in our hearts again. All that is needed is the right intent, coupled with and a little technical support on how to find and relate to intuition.

The intent needed is a burning desire to know the truth and a willingness to admit our wrong when the truth reveals it. The tech support we need is the proper meditation, such as the one we offer as a free download at the Center for Common Sense Counseling, which shows a person how to become still and observe thoughts and emotions without being caught up in them. It also shows you how to extend contact with intuition to the body, so that you inherit self control.

Now, when you practice the simple meditation with the right intent you will calm down and become less reactive. You will also discover a new patience with others and with yourself. As you calm down and become less reactive, the first things you will see in the Light of intuition is the truth about your wrongs. You will see your errors, and seeing them in the Light you are sorry. You experience a quiet sadness about what you see. You may have tears rolling down your cheeks. This is called repentance. You experience a sad glad.

You are sad about what you see, but you are glad to come clean. You are being repented in the Light. Seeing and mourning your wrongs, you stress the compassion of the spirit. And God extends His forgiveness. After the brief pain, you feel shriven and clean. Joy returns and a quiet peace of mind.

This process repeats itself many times over the days and weeks. Each time the pain is less, but the error being observed is more subtle.

The turmoil and the writhing you are now currently experiencing in your being is because you are undoubtedly still trying to save yourself. You have been resenting what your conscience keeps trying to make you aware of. So you have conflict with conscience, and tension and writhing because you resent the Light for making you aware of your own wrong.

All you need do is stop trying to resist the Light. Instead let it rub your nose in your wrongs. Sure, it is a bit painful, but only briefly. Soon the sad refines into glad, and joy returns. Now, having experienced the touch of God and experiencing forgiveness, you can also forgive others. You see that they are just as lost as you have been. You see that they are victims too. When they were little no one had the right kind of love for them. No one was there to guide them properly.

You see that your parents were doing to you what was done to them. They could not help themselves any more than you have been able to stop yourself from hurting others. Your new found understanding makes it easy to have compassion and forgive. And when you forgive others, God extends His forgiveness to you.

It was a lack of the right kind of love from others that you reacted to and which sent you on an erring course. It was your resentment of others that separated you from God's love from within. Now you will have have come full circle. You will have discovered God's love because of your willingness to know the truth and to forgive others.

Now you will be able to go out into the world, and instead of being a victim, you become a survivor and more than just in recovery. You become an overcomer. You become a child of God, and you extend a little light into an otherwise dark world. "Resist not evil. Overcome evil with good."

Part Two Mike's Story - How He Overcame Depression, Anxiety and Other Issues

Here is an letter written by someone who "gets it." He overcame anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder. In this letter, he comments on the verse from the Psalms and then tells of his recovery journey. He gave me permission to share his letter but asked that I only use his first name, Michael. I hope someone will be inspired to give our free spiritual meditation a try.

All I can say is "Thanks, Mike." Roland

_______________

Hello, my name is Michael.

This is my story. I love this verse from the Psalms. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. Psalm 112:7 (English Standard Version). It sounds good, doesn't it? But the question is: how do you get to where you have such a firm heart and settled spirit? It took me a long time to get to where I could understand and say something about having a firm heart and settled spirit. I used to be Mr. Jellyfish. But here’s the good news: if I can do it, anyone can do it.

It took me 40 years, but that was because it took 40 years for me to get to the point where I was ready. Once you’re ready, recovery can begin in a heartbeat. And it doesn’t have to take 40 years to be ready. (I was stubborn in my pridefulness and denial).

You can be ready in this instant regardless of your age, if your heart is pure and you are sincere. Here's my story. Let's begin with a few thoughts about anxiety and some observations about life and how I started to recover.

When you are in a tight golf match and it's the 18th hole and you have to make a knee knocking three foot putt, what do you do? You suck it up, get a bucket full of guts, and even though your knees are knocking, you attempt the putt. Whether you make the putt or not is not important. What is important is the fact that you attempt it. What do you do when you're in a tough basketball game in the last minute of the game and you come to the free throw line? You throw up the free throws. You don't cut and run, or take a pill.

Let's say you're a plumber and a client has a major break in a pipe under their house that has to be dealt with now. Do you become upset or angry and call a time out and make the client go to his room because you can't cope? No, you deal with the situation, even though you don't feel like it.

John Wayne put it this way when he was asked "what do you do when you have to face great danger?" Do you know what he said?

He said: "You're scared to death, but you get on your horse and ride anyway." You go, John!

The ideal, of course, is to have great faith. And with it, love. Paul said: "Perfect love casts out fear." Most heroes (the types who arrive at the scene of something bad and save some one's life) later say they don't feel like a hero. "I just saw something that had to be done and I did it." The hero had no thought of self. Instead of second guessing, worrying about the consequences, and dwelling on self preservation, he or she just did what had to be done.

This is very close to faith and love. Few of us have much faith or love. We don't even know what faith or love is. We are naturally creatures of doubt. And we are selfish by nature. And we are easily provoked resent others.

But there is still hope that we might develop faith and love.

Abraham became a man of faith. When he was younger, he hedged his bets and didn't trust completely in what God told him. But he grew in faith. And how about Moses? It took him 80 years to be ready to lead his people. Perhaps you can grow in faith and in love too.

I have discovered that the secret to life is in overlooking.

You have anxiety, but overlook it. In other words, instead of struggling with, suppressing or trying to get rid of the anxiety, you overlook it. Someone makes a mistake, but you overlook it (instead of judging or resenting them).

You have doubts, but you overlook them (instead of dwelling on them). You feel anger (at your child, for example), but you overlook it (and remain calm). There are many good things I could say about overlooking. How it helps us overcome anxiety, doubts, fears, negative emotion; and how it helps us be more patient with others.

But for now, I will mention it in passing. Later I will talk about the meditation (that Roland offers) and how it helps you learn to overlook. But I don't want to get ahead of myself.

First I want to talk about how we got into the mess we are in, and how I was able to recover fully. Before I have any credibility with you, I need to establish that I had a multitude of issues, got past them, and now they are in the distant past and no longer important (other than being able to use them to help others).

Let me continue with a bit more about how we got to where we are. Most of us are, frankly, rather selfish. This is not a condemnation or a put down; just the reality. We're born that way. All of us. Then, unfortunately, many of us did not have wise parents and other authorities. We were not provided character building activities, or even much real work. We were made to sit in school and basically do nothing for hours a day from age 5 through 18 or beyond. In plain and simple terms, some of us just haven't had a chance to build up some courage or chutzpa. We have been robbed of the kind of experiences where we could develop it. But we can start to build some now, by using the overlook principle I alluded to. We can be just like John Wayne said--scared to death but we ride anyway.

Once you realize that you have been denied character building experiences (through being kept from them or from not being taught how to not over react), you can stop beating yourself up. Instead you can simply admit you don't have certain virtues built yet, but you can start to do some things anyway.

By overlooking the fear or anxiety. You will also discover that kindness, fortitude, endurance, graciousness, and patience are ready to unfold when you let go of resentment. We tend to resent the type of circumstances where we looked bad or failed in the past. If you can learn to approach the new circumstance without resentment, then experience the anxiety (without resenting it), you will be then free to meet the moment with some aplomb. Now having met the moment properly, you will be able to meet the next one ever more easily and without resentment. Anxiety will diminish.

You will discover that there is joy and a sense of triumph in meeting a moment properly. Even if you don't "win" or handle it perfectly, there is joy in meeting it without resentment and with a certain amount of dignity.

Many people around us--including our parents, grandparents, educators, church leaders, and most other authorities--seem to have the value of always seeking to feel good and never bad. At the first sign of the slightest ache or pain, they reach for a pill or a drink. They seek to feel good, using music, alcohol, marijuana, pills, partying, entertainment or even religious events for the purpose of feeling good.

One person listens to classical music and another to rap music to feel good; one listens to high sounding speeches and another to low brow humor, either way it's for the purpose of feeling good. Instead of living and teaching the value of doing what is right and overlooking anxiety or negative emotion, they first seek to get rid of the anxiety or negative emotion. This is putting the cart before the horse.

We triumph as humans when we overcome anxiety or negative emotions through doing what is right and being virtuous. In other words, a true human gives the food to their child even though they themselves are hungry.

A true human does the right thing despite fear. He tells the truth, though he is made to feel uncomfortable. She acts calmly for the sake of others, despite anxiety. He says no to temptation despite having feelings of lust or greed.

The noble person does not wait until he feels good or feels brave to do his or her duty. The noble person does his duty or what is right, and in the exercise thereof develops courage.

Courage, well being, peace of mind and joy are the rewards for doing what is right.

When the partying, drinking, and drugging result in a let down, hang over or discomfort, the misinformed and selfish look for a pill to take away the symptoms or the awareness of the discomfort so they can feel good. In other words, it's definitely not your great grandfather's lifestyle or values. So when life brings a little rain, and young people are not having a good time or do not feel good about themselves, they tell their parent or counselor. Instead of getting the wisdom of the ages or the kind of understanding an uncle or grandma once had, they are referred to someone who prescribes a drug.

The focus is rarely on duty or on helping others (as we said, most young people are deprived of useful work that would make them feel needed, valuable and other directed). The focus is always on them, specifically performance: that they achieve, that they do well on tests, study more, get higher grades, be more compliant, and so on.

Otherwise the focus is on being popular. There is always performance pressure. With all this constant attention directed at them (not to mention all the advertising, peer group pressure, and pop culture which is designed to make them self conscious about looks, dress, habits and attitudes that have to be like their peers), it is no wonder that such a person would become overly self conscious and overly concerned about feelings.

They've been let down by their parents and other authorities who failed to protect them and guide them properly. The man or woman of faith and perfect love will one day face challenging situations without any feelings at all. He or she will be fearless in the face of danger; without resentment in the face of torment; and without excitement in the face of temptation. Instead there will be faith, love, dedication, obedience, patience, joy, and peace of mind.

But like I said, this type of spirituality is something we might grow into. It could take many years of just being a regular person, growing up, making some mistakes, getting married, raising a family, having some ups and downs until one begins to yearn for something more. This sincere yearning will stress the compassion of the Spirit.

Those who are blessed to one day have this salvation implemented in their life will then gain objectivity (the ability to stand back and overlook) and then it might take another 40 years of growth in this new life to become the man or woman of faith and true love. Remember it took 80 years for Moses to be made ready to lead his people out of Egypt. So you might as well be prepared for a long period of just being a regular person.

But you can start to get ready for the touch of God which may come someday by living with some dignity, some honor, some self control, some discipline where you are right now. And by exercising virtue, it will grow, and you will increase in composure and self control. No, you won't walk on water--but by exercising virtue, you'll begin to face things with at least a modicum of natural poise, and it will grow.

Therefore do not mind it if you encounter some difficulty. Do not become resentful if you have some ups and downs, some rain on your parade, a boyfriend or girlfriend who quits you, a job you don't get, a day when you don't feel particularly good, or some anxiety if you have to give a speech. And while you are at it, expect betrayal, people saying mean things about you for no reason, and so on.

That way you won't be shocked and upset when it happens. And don't expect to meet every little or big adversity well. You won't. At least not at first. Remember I said that most of us have been denied character building experiences?

If you are like lots of us, you'll have to start at the ground floor facing little things (with trembling and discomfort) and a little at a time. So you'll have to start now where you are at. And it doesn't matter where that is. Have you heard the Zen master's question? He asked the novice "when is the best time to plant a tree?

The novice pondered for awhile but did not know the answer.

The Zen master said: "The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. "

Next the Zen Master asked: "When is the second best time to plant the tree?"

The novice thought and thought, and then said "I don't know."

The zen master smiled and said: "The second best time to plant the tree is today." So never mind yesterday or last year. Start to face some things today.

And like I said, don't expect to get it just right from the start. Take it easy. Rome wasn't built in a day. Don't look for perfection. Look for progress. And here's a word of caution: start with the small stuff. Remember how I said that we have been made self conscious in many ways? Okay. So don't hate yourself if you meet a moment badly.

In my life, I've messed up, made a fool of myself, cut and run, let my team down, copped out, and many other small but shameful failings. I failed and then reacted badly to what I was forced to see about myself. But as time went by (as years went by) I learned to fail less. And I also learned to react badly less to my failings. In other words, I began to grow up, and I'm still growing up.

I'm 60ish now. When I was 15, 20, 30 years old, did I have anxiety? Of course. Did I get depressed? Of course. When my parents got divorced, it bothered me. When my dad died, it made me sad. When my parakeet died, I felt bad. What was I supposed to do, be happy about these things? I grieved and felt hurt--and then I got over it.

When I was a little kid, did I go through a stage where I had to do a ritual of counting numbers or arrange my shoes perfectly at night or else "something really bad would happen?" Of course. Then I grew out of it.

When I was in college, was I high and hyper when something good happened and stayed up till dawn talking to my friends? Then did I crash when a bunch of things went wrong? Naturally. When I was in my 20's did I wonder who I was and if there was a future for me? Did I mess up, and make mistakes? Sure. And then did something try to tell me I was "worthless" and that "the world would be better off without me?" Of course.

When I was 30 and sitting in a lonely apartment in the outskirts of Chicago, with the snow coming down and nowhere to go and wishing I were back in California, did I feel depressed? Of course. But here I am. I got through. My recovery was two part. First it was just growing out of issues. It seems like each stage of our life--little kid, big kid, teenager, college age, 20's, 30's--there are some typical issues to deal with.

The old expression "time heals all wounds" definitely applies. Somehow I just grew out of things. Like when I was a kid, teen, and in my 20's I was painfully shy. But then when I was in my 30's I was teaching college classes, and now I feel comfortable around everyone and talk about anything. And it's fun.

Okay, so it took a few years to get over it. But I did get over it. So we grow, we mature, we leave behind the things of childhood--including issues. We move on.

It's a long process and it's life. It's kinda the words in the song Frank Sinatra made famous: That's life That's what all the people say

You're riding high in April, shot down in May

But I know I'm gonna change that tune

When I'm back on top, back on top in June

There is a term in psychotherapy call normalizing. It means helping a person see that some anxiety (or whatever that they are going through) is what a lot of people experience. Some people think that if they are anxious, hear voices, have obsessive thoughts, or have a compulsion, they are the only person in the whole world with this issue. It's a relief to find out that lots of people have the same issues, and lots of people get better.

I'm extending my hand in friendship to talk about some of the things I have been blessed to learn along the way in my spiritual walk. If nothing else, I can say "hey, there's light at the end of the tunnel." Now I can truly say (having experienced it): "this too shall pass."

Now I understand what James meant when he said: Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2 and 3 (English Standard version). .

Do you see it? Do you see that we must not avoid life or the circumstances where we failed?

Learn to stand back and overlook, and now these situations will become the ground for the development of character and by which you can undo the past. Let me just say right here that the spiritual meditation to calm down that Roland offers free was a big help to me. I highly recommend it, since it assists in calming down, and in finding objectivity so as to be able to stand back and observe thoughts and emotions without over reacting to what you see.

This brings me to part two of my recovery program. I told you about part one, where I got through the various typical issues I faced at different stages. But then came the life changing, game changing discovery. I took me four decades to get to the point where I was ready. But when I was finally ready, it happened in a heartbeat and within a few days I was a new person. I'll tell you about it in Part Two. read chapter two of Mike's success story

Michael

Pastor Roland's comments Thanks, Mike Your letter is inspirational. Thank you for your being up front with us.

I would like to mention something about awareness, one of my favorite subjects. You found the meditation helpful because it helped you become objective, so you could look at your issues, feelings and thoughts with objectivity. You wanted to be aware. But until a person is ready, he or she will try to avoid awareness (because of the pain it brings when we see our own wrong).

You see, once we fail and deal poorly with some situation, we don't want to see that we failed. So we tend to retreat into the imagination and make excuses. By doing so, we cut ourselves off from full open eyed awareness (which is what we need to face situations with intuition and understanding). So, at the first sighting of stress we escape from awareness, and then we fail again. That's why we tend to keep doing the same error over and over with the same people or look alike people.

For example, we may have resented our overbearing mom, become rebellious and angry, and as we go through life we keep meeting people like our mom, to whom we react the same old way (resentfully, rebelliously and angrily). When awareness comes back and we are forced to see that we failed again, we reach for distractions to escape into like work or study, music, marijuana, alcohol, or pills to take away the one thing that would help us face the next moment well: awareness.

Now here is the beautiful part. The way you respond to an issue can change the very next time you encounter it. All you need is the missing ingredient. That missing ingredient is awareness. The very next time you face the issue (or situation) but this time with awareness, it will be all different. Awareness gives you the power to stand back, see it objectively, and respond intuitively.

One man, who had a 20 year nicotine addiction began to meditate in order to find the objective state of awareness. One day he picked up his cigarette and took a puff with awareness, and he never smoked again. His cigarettes gave him up because he was no longer compatible with them. Before he had used the sensations and the stress of the effects of nicotine to lower awareness and help him escape from what he wasn't ready to see. Now he was ready to face reality, and it just took one smoke with awareness for him to see that he no longer had a need for smoking.

Remember, most of us spend our lives facing everything without awareness because of our habit of escaping awareness. So the obvious question becomes: how do we find and hold onto awareness? That is where the meditation (coupled with the attitude of wanting to be aware) comes in. .

I believe that it is hard to be a good person or a good Christian and express truth and love when you are resentful, upset, angry, and lost in the imagination. We are much better off dealing with our loved ones and life's situations with patience and reason instead of upset. That is why I enjoy helping people calm down first. After finding the secret to self control, they will then be able to express love, reason and patience. .

Remember, the reason we can be aware is because God gave us His Light, so that our soul can not only see, but perceive that it seeing, and can not only hear but understand. Animals are awake, but humans can be awake and aware. . God wants us to enjoy and live in His beautiful reality in His beautiful present.

In fact, He wants us to not only be aware (in which state we inherit the power to deal gracefully with life), but He wants us to become aware of His Presence in the present. . You cannot find God in your imagination--in mulling over the past and worrying about the future. God's Presence is realized in the present by the aware soul.

Nor can you find God when you are immersed in any kind of emotions such as resentment, anger, or any kind of excitement. .. Now if you will, check out the simple meditation (it is free) that helps you become aware instead of lost in your thinking and emotions.

Read Mike's story, Part Two . . To learn more about the meditation click here

Part Three: Additional Online and Library Educational Resources We offer an outstanding array of free educational resources: articles, free audio, eBooks, and the meditation.

The most important resource that we have is the meditation, perhaps the only one a person may need to regain self control and become centered. Click on the Self Help Resources Tab at the top of the blog for links to the meditation and our other resources.

The second most important resource we have are my radio lectures and sermons. There is nothing like the spoken voice to convey meaning. I highly recommend you listen to some of the 30 minute recordings first. You can listen while you are looking over the written resources, or you can download them to listen to while you are driving, working around home or whatever.

Now, I am always somewhat hesitant to list other sites, books or blogs because I prefer you spend your time looking over my audio, books and articles. But, on the other hand, if I don't mention at least a few, you may not know where to look, especially if you are busy.

Of course I have to say that whatever you hear or read at some other site or resource is the opinion of that author and not necessarily my own.

Secondly, you may be surprised to see that most of the resources I mention below are not Christian or religious. Mostly they are regular people who don't mention their religious beliefs or disbeliefs. They are psychiatric survivors, consumer advocates, and enlightened psychologists, writers, and psychiatrists.

Frankly, I have to say that when it comes to the mental health issues that many people are dealing with today, I have found the writings and audio of my fellow clergy or Christian counselors not terribly helpful. I'm not saying that helpful information is not there. I'm just saying that I haven't found it. And what I found was weak or confusing. What I found were chapter and verses, chapter and verses and psychological jargon, usually with weak reassurances and obeisance to the chemical imbalance theory.

Don't get me wrong. I love the Scriptures and I believe that Christianity really does have the answers, but when I listen to or read the Christian speakers and writers, there is some sort of disconnect between their words and implementation.

What they say sounds good and sounds scriptural, but the listeners and readers have a hard time applying what they hear to such real time issues as depression, anxiety disorder, ADHD, the issues of psychiatric meds, side effects, dependency, discontinuation syndrome, PTSD and various mental health diagnoses--issues that people are dealing with in the real world.

So I had to look to others for down to earth practical information.

I only found one really helpful book from a Christian doctor, but it is a good one.

Will Medicine Stop the Pain? Finding God's Healing for depression, anxiety and other troubling emotions by Dr. Laura Hendrickson and Else Fitzpatrick.

It is a very good read for anyone, but Dr. Hendrickson devotes herself to addressing women's issues. She describes real live cases of women who had issues, began taking antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, tranquilizers, and what the results were. You get a Christian doctor's take on it all. It can be found at Amazon.com and you can preview many pages there for free. I found pages 205 and 206 to be an excellent description of side effects some people have described that it would be nice to avoid.

Here are some more relevant educational resources I have found

On Youtube, Dr. John Breeding PhD and psychologist. He has over 90 videos about mental health issues. No matter what your mental health issue or emotional issue is, Dr. Breeding will have a thoughtful and compassionate little video about it. His videos are very informative and he talks about good books to read too. Just enter John Bredding in the search box at Youtube.

Here for example is a two part video on depression

Here's a video of Dr. John Breeding talking to Anna Miller about bipolar.

Here's a video of John Breeding talking about suicide, medication and PTSD in the news

These are just three examples of Dr. Breeding's videos. He has also written a couple books.

Dr. Peter Breggin has been writing about mental health issues and about psychiatric meds for many years. He is a psychiatrist and he has an informative website. He has written several books, such as Your Drug May Be Your Problem and his recent book Medication Madness - The Role of Psychiatric Drugs in Cases of Violence, Suicide and Crime. His books are available at Amazon.com and at most public libraries to check out for free.

Will Hall has an excellent radio program Madness Radio which can be heard on the Pacifica Network and listened to free online. He regularly interviews informed psychologists, psychiatrists, authors and survivors who have a positive enlightened point of view and helpful resources. A source of information about harm reduction.

Writer and researcher Robert Whitaker has written two books about the history of the treatment of psychiatric patients in America. His latest book is The Antidepressant Epidemic. Both of his books are excellent and are available at public libraries. He has also been interviewed extensively on the radio. His website is http://www.madinamerica.com/

A nice lady named Gianna Khali has a site called Beyond Meds. Her story and her dedication to helping others by sharing her story about her life on meds and her efforts to come off of meds is inspirational. Her site is continually updated with the latest news about drugs, meds, treatments, side effects, and so on. She also provides a huge number of links to other valuable resources.

Dr. Ann Blake Tracey is with the International Coalition for Drug Awareness and has lots of information and resources.

For college students, Dr. Joseph Glenmullen MD talks about his experiences treating college students for depression, anxiety and other symptoms. Dr. Glenmullen is Clinical Instructor in Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. His first book is Prozac Backlash, and his second book is The Antidepressant Solution: A step by step guide to safely overcoming antidepressant withdrawal, dependence, and addiction. His books are available at public libraries.

Below are Dr. John Breeding's 2 short videos about depression. Please, take a few moments to watch them. I like his compassion and common sense, and he is also very knowledgeable. This is an excellent introduction to the topic.

________________________

I hope that you will find some useful information and some avenues for further exploration, and hopefully some answers to your question in the information above. It is not meant to be exhaustive. Just some things that I have found interesting, helpful and useful.

I believe that the online resources provide a baseline for anyone who wants to become more informed and educate themselves. It is also nice to know that there are compassionate, educated and enlightened people out there.

But once you get an idea of what the playing field is, I then want to state that I believe that the missing element in so much of today's "help" is God. I believe that the answer is not Freud but Christ, not chemistry but spirituality.

However, just talking about God or Christ or just studying religion, or even acting the role of a good person is not enough. Too much talk, study and acting can (and often does) interfere with the real thing by the guilt they cause. They cause guilt before conscience when they interfere with or substitute for a real encounter with the God of conscience.

It is said that religion is the last refuge of the scoundrel. I'm sure you know peole who use relgion as a cover for their pride. But there are also many decent people who honestly want to live the good life and who unwittingly throw themselves into religious study and activity only to feel anxious or guilty. And they don't know where it is coming from.

Similarly, one man, for example, kept reaffirming that he was saved, but he didn't feel saved. He got so guilty for feeling like a fraud that he threw in the towel. I was able to show him that the words he said in a moment of emotion years ago were just that: youthful words in a moment of emotion.

It was a great relief to him to realize that he never really fell away because he hadn't really found it in the first place. Now he could set aside the artificial guilt (for thinking he had fallen away) and was free to earnestly seek to find what he had always yearned for.

The real thing begins with seeing for yourself what is true, re-trusting what you know in your heart, and then living from what you realize and know in your heart.

I would like to humbly but boldly suggest that the little meditation we have just might be the way to refind your spiritual roots and discover a natural self control that is not dependent on drugs or manipulating conditions. It's not for everyone, but for some it is a God-sent.

Celebrate life! Leave behind the baggage of the past, consisting of unforgiveness, hurt feelings and anger. Start anew and find joy and a life of purpose. Perhaps our meditation and some insights can help. .

How to Stop Over Reacting - How Do I Learn Emotional Self Control

2011-02-13T13:47:00.000-08:00

New! Free online advice chat about calming down and overcoming stress with Pastor Roland every Sunday. Click here to find out more.
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Are you stressed out? Have you noticed that when you are resentful, you become more sensitive to life’s little issues?

When you are stressed at work, do you come home and easily lose patience with your kids? Do you get angry at slow traffic or slow grocery lines? Would terms like “exasperated, nervous, irritated, or impatient” describe you?

If so, you are probably over-reacting. And the worst reaction of all is that of resentment. It sets you up for becoming increasingly sensitive to what you might otherwise take in stride.

Most of our upsets are over daily small irritations. You've probably heard the expression "Don't sweat the small stuff." We know this is true, but the problem is we don't know how to not sweat the small stuff. This is because we have literally conditioned ourselves to become irritated. And when the next little thing occurs, our body reacts.
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A small irritant to which we have reacted can literally build to the point that we're ready to have an emotional meltdown over it. Moreover, we react and suppress our emotions all day long, so there is an accumulation of upset and tension leading us to explode in anger at a loved one or reach for the bottle.
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Here is the key.
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1. Learning to watch for and let go of resentment which sustains and reinforces our reaction. It was resentment that led to the very first reaction to a look alike situation long ago, and it is resentment that sustains it and reinforces it.

The resentment must be let go of, whether it be resentment against the situation, the person, the first occurrence, oneself, or resentment against anything.
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If you don't know how to get enough distance mentally to stand back and watch for the resentment, I can teach you how. (Read about the meditation now)
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2. As I will relate later, becoming upset is a way of life for most of us. So the second thing that must be learned is to practice going through life in a more detached way, as more of an observer. In my writings I can show you how and why this dispassionate state of mind and calm state way of living is based on principles of forgiveness and patience.
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In fact, the reader will see that these principles correspond to beautiful religious or philosophical principles you may have heard and appreciated but never learned to to apply.
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When you are not upset in the first place, you won’t become upset and irritable in the second place. You will be patient with your loved ones.
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Learn the secret of self control without painful repression and you will have it made in the shade.

Find out more about the meditation
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Get the free meditation now
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Read more about why people over-react and get upset

Read Why Do i Get Upset All the Time? Could Resentment Be the Culprit

Read What Is the Number One Cause of Divorce

Preview Becoming a Friend of God: Finding Peace of Mind and Courage in an Age of Anxiety

For a donation of any amount, receive an ebook as our gift

Stories of People Who Overcame Anxiety - Mike's Story, Part One

2010-12-16T17:52:00.000-08:00

Here is an letter written by someone who gets it. He overcame obsessive compulsive disorder and bipolar disorder. In this letter, he comments on the verse from the Psalms and then tells of his recovery journey. He gave me permission to share his letter but asked that I only use his first name, Michael. I hope someone will be inspired to give our free spiritual meditation a try. All I can say is "Thanks, Mike." Roland

Hello, my name is Michael.

I love this verse from the Psalms.

He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.
Psalm 112:7 (English Standard Version).

It sounds good, doesn't it? But the question is: how do you get to where you have such a firm heart and settled spirit?

It took me a long time to get to where I could understand and say something about having a firm heart and settled spirit. I used to be Mr. Jellyfish.

But here’s the good news: if I can do it, anyone can do it. It took me 40 years, but that was because it took 40 years for me to get to the point where I was ready. Once you’re ready, recovery can begin in a heartbeat.

And it doesn’t have to take 40 years to be ready. (I was stubborn in my pridefulness and denial). You can be ready in this instant regardless of your age, if your heart is pure and you are sincere.

Here's my story. Let's begin with a few thoughts about anxiety and some observations about life and how I started to recover.

When you are in a tight golf match and it's the 18th hole and you have to make a knee knocking three foot putt, what do you do? You suck it up, get a bucket full of guts, and even though your knees are knocking, you attempt the putt. Maybe it goes in and maybe it doesn't. The point is--you overlook your fear and trembling and attempt the putt.

What do you do when you're in a tough basketball game in the last minute of the game and you come to the free throw line? You throw up the free throws. You don't cut and run, take a drug or a pill.

Let's say you're a doctor on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean and a passenger has a major acute emergency that has to be dealt with now. Do you become upset and angry or run away because you can't cope? No, you deal with the situation, even though your heart may be pounding and your knees knocking.

I love what John Wayne had to say about this. John Wayne was answering questions from the audience. The microphones and cameras were all there. Someone raised his hand and asked: "Mr. Wayne, what do you do when you have to face some great danger?"

Do you know what John Wayne replied? Without a moment's hesitation he gripped the podium, leaned forward a little, flashed his famous smile and said: "You're scared to death, but you get on your horse and you ride anyway."

Thanks, John. You're my kind of guy.

The ideal, of course, is to be like John Wayne said. It helps to have a bucket full of guts. And it's even better to have faith. And with it, love. In one of his letters, Paul said: "Perfect love casts out fear."

Most heroes (the types who arrive at the scene of something bad and save some one's life) later say they don't feel like a hero. "I just saw something that had to be done and I did it." The hero had no thought of self. Instead of second guessing, worrying about the consequences, and dwelling on self preservation, he or she just did what had to be done. This is very close to faith and love.

Few of us have faith or love. We don't even know what faith or love is. But we know them by their absence! Most of us are well acquainted with copping out, avoidance behavior, hostility, resentment, and then excuse making and approval seeking.

But there is still hope that we might develop faith and love. The Biblical character Abraham known to be a man of faith, only became so when he was old. When he was younger, he hedged his bets and didn't trust completely in what God told him. But he grew in faith. Perhaps you can grow in faith and in love too.

I have discovered that the secret to life is in overlooking. You have anxiety, but overlook it. In other words, instead of struggling with, suppressing or trying to get rid of the anxiety, you overlook it. Someone makes a mistake, but you overlook it (instead of judging or resenting them). You have doubts, but you overlook them (instead of dwelling on them). You feel anger (at your child, for example), but you overlook it (and remain calm).

There are many good things I could say about overlooking--how it helps us overcome anxiety, doubts, fears, negative emotion; and how it helps us be more patient with others. But for now, I will mention it in passing. Later I will talk about the meditation (that Roland offers) and how it helps you learn to overlook.

But I don't want to get ahead of myself. First I want to talk about how we got into the mess we are in, and how I was able to recover fully.

Before I have any credibility with you, I need to establish that I had a multitude of issues, got past them, and now they are in the distant past and no longer important (other than being able to use them to help others).

Let me continue with a bit more about how we got to where we are. Most of us are, frankly, rather selfish. This is not a condemnation or a put down; just the reality. We're born that way. All of us. Then, unfortunately, many of us did not have wise parents and other authorities. We were not provided character building activities, or even much real work. We were made to sit in school and basically do nothing for hours a day from age 5 through 18 or beyond.

In plain and simple terms, some of us just haven't had a chance to build up some courage or chutzpa. We have been robbed of the kind of experiences where we could develop it.

But we can start to build some now, by using the overlook principle I alluded to. We can be just like John Wayne said--scared to death but we ride anyway.

Once you realize that you have been denied character building experiences (through being kept from them or from not being taught how to not over react), you can stop beating yourself up. Instead you can simply admit you don't have certain virtues built yet, but you can start to do some things anyway. By overlooking the fear or anxiety.

You will also discover that kindness, fortitude, endurance, graciousness, and patience are ready to unfold when you let go of resentment. We tend to resent the type of circumstances where we looked bad or failed in the past.

If you can learn to approach the new circumstance without resentment, then experience the anxiety (without resenting it), you will be then free to meet the moment with some aplomb. Now having met the moment properly, you will be able to meet the next one ever more easily and without resentment. Anxiety will diminish.

You will discover that there is joy and a sense of triumph in meeting a moment properly. Even if you don't "win" or handle it perfectly, there is joy in meeting it without resentment and with a certain amount of dignity.

Realize that in a hedonistic, secular, therapeutic culture in which we live, all the signals and messages we get are that the values in life are:
having a good time;
feeling good;
being nice;
feeling good about ourselves;
and having our needs met.

Most people around us--including our parents, grandparents, educators, church leaders, and most other authorities--seem to have the value of always seeking to feel good and never bad. At the first sign of a headache, they take a pill. At the first sign of the slightest ache or pain, they reach for a pill or some other medication.

They seek to have a good time, using music, alcohol, marijuana, legal or illegal pills, partying, entertainment or even religious events for the purpose of feeling good. One person listens to classical music and another to rap music to feel good; one listens to high sounding speeches and another to low brow humor, either way it's for the purpose of feeling good.

Instead of living and teaching the value of doing what is right and overlooking anxiety or negative emotion, they first seek to get rid of the anxiety or negative emotion.

This is putting the cart before the horse. We triumph as humans when we overcome anxiety or negative emotions through doing what is right and being virtuous.

In other words, a true human gives the food to their child even though they themselves are hungry. A true human does the right thing despite fear. He tells the truth, though he is made to feel uncomfortable. She acts calmly for the sake of others, despite anxiety. He says no to temptation despite having feelings of lust or greed.

The noble person does not wait until he feels good or feels brave to do his or her duty. The noble person does his duty or what is right, and in the exercise thereof develops courage.

Courage, well being, peace of mind and joy are the rewards for doing what is right.

When the partying, drinking, and drugging result in a let down, hang over or discomfort, the misinformed and selfish look for a pill to take away the symptoms or the awareness of the discomfort so they can feel good.

In other words, it's definitely not your great grandfather's lifestyle or values.

So when life brings a little rain, and young people are not having a good time or do not feel good about themselves, they tell their parent or counselor. Instead of getting the wisdom of the ages or the kind of understanding an uncle or grandma once had, they are referred to someone who prescribes a drug.

The focus is rarely on duty or on helping others. Moreover, as we said, most young people are deprived of useful work that would make them feel needed, valuable and other directed.

The focus is always on them, specifically performance: that they achieve, that they do well on tests, study more, get higher grades, be more compliant, and so on. Otherwise the focus is on being popular, having a good time, and feeling good about oneself.

With all this constant attention directed at them (not to mention all the advertising, peer group pressure, and pop culture which is designed to make them self conscious about looks, dress, habits and attitudes that have to be like their peers), it is no wonder that such a person would become overly self conscious and overly concerned about feelings. They've been let down by their parents and other authorities who failed to protect them and guide them properly.

The man or woman of faith and perfect love will one day face challenging situations without any feelings at all.

He or she will be fearless in the face of danger; without resentment in the face of torment; and without excitement in the face of temptation. Instead there will be faith, love, dedication, obedience, patience, joy, and peace of mind.

But like I said, this type of spirituality is something we might grow into. It could take many years of just being a regular person, growing up, making some mistakes, getting married, raising a family, having some ups and downs until one begins to yearn for something more. This sincere yearning will stress the compassion of the Spirit.

Those who are blessed to one day have this salvation implemented in their life will then gain objectivity (the ability to stand back and overlook) and then it might take another 40 years of growth in this new life to become the man or woman of faith and true love. Remember it took 80 years for Moses to be made ready to lead his people out of Egypt.

So you might as well be prepared for a long period of just being a regular person. But you can start to get ready for the touch of God which may come someday by living with some dignity, some honor, some self control, some discipline where you are right now.

And by exercising virtue, it will grow, and you will increase in composure and self control. No, you won't walk on water--but by exercising virtue, you'll begin to face things with at least a modicum of natural poise, and it will grow.

Therefore do not mind it if you encounter some difficulty. Do not become resentful if you have some ups and downs, some rain on your parade, a boyfriend or girlfriend who quits you, a job you don't get, a day when you don't feel particularly good or some anxiety if you have to give a speech.

And while you are at it, expect betrayal, people saying mean things about you for no reason, and so on. That way you won't be shocked and upset when it happens.

And don't expect to meet every little or big adversity well. You won't. At least not at first. Remember I said that most of us have been denied character building experiences? If you are like lots of us, you'll have to start at the ground floor facing little things (with trembling and discomfort) and a little at a time.

So you'll have to start now where you are at. And it doesn't matter where that is.

Have you heard the Zen master's question? He asked the novice "when is the best time to plant a tree?
The novice did not know.
The Zen master said: The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago.
Next the Zen Master asked: "When is the second best time to plant a tree?"
Again the novice did not know.
The answer is: "The second best time to plant a tree is today."

So start to face some things today.

And like I said, don't expect to get it just right from the start. Take it easy. Rome wasn't built in a day. Don't look for perfection. Look for progress. And here's a word of caution: start with the small stuff.

Remember how I said that we have been made self conscious in many ways? Okay. So don't hate yourself if you meet a moment badly. In my life, I've messed up, made a fool of myself, cut and run, let my team down, copped out, and many other small but shameful failings. I failed and then reacted badly to what I was forced to see about myself.

But as time went by (as years went by) I learned to fail less. And I also learned to react badly less to my failings. In other words, I began to grow up, and I'm still growing up.

I'm 60ish now. When I was 10, 15, 20, 30 years old, did I have anxiety? Of course. Did I get depressed? Of course.

When my parents got divorced, it bothered me. When my dad died, it made me sad. When my parakeet died, I felt bad. What was I supposed to do, be happy about these things? I grieved and felt hurt and then I got over it.

When I was a little kid, did I go through a period of time when I had to do a ritual of counting numbers or arrange my shoes perfectly at night or else "something really bad would happen?" Of course. Then I grew out of it.

When I was in college, was I high and hyper when something good happened, staying up till dawn talking excitedly to my friends?

Of course.

Then when things didn't go well, the girl didn't answer my phone calls, and our team lost the big game, did I get bummed out and depressed and have really negative thoughts?

Naturally.

When I was in my 20's, did I wonder who I was and if there was a future for me? Did I mess up, and make lots of mistakes? Sure.

And then did something try to tell me I was "worthless" and that "the world would be better off without me?" Of course.

When I was 30 and sitting in a lonely apartment in the outskirts of Chicago, with the snow coming down and nowhere to go and wishing I were back in California, did I feel depressed? Of course.

But here I am. I got through.

My recovery was two part.

First it was just growing out of issues. It seems like each stage of our life--little kid, big kid, teenager, college age, 20's, 30's--there are some typical issues to deal with. The old expression "time heals all wounds" definitely applies. Somehow I just grew out of things.

Like when I was a kid, teen, and in my 20's I was painfully shy. But then when I was in my 30's I was teaching college classes, and now I feel comfortable around everyone and talk about anything. Okay, so it took a few years to get over it. But I did get over it.

As we grow, we mature, we leave behind the things of childhood--including issues. We move on. It's a long process and it's life.

There is a term in psychotherapy call normalizing. It means helping a person see that some anxiety (or whatever that they are going through) is what a lot of people experience. Some people think that if they are anxious, hear voices, have obsessive thoughts, or have a compulsion, they are the only person in the whole world with this issue.

It's a relief to find out that lots of people have the same issues and lots of people get better.

I'm extending my hand in friendship to talk about some of the things I have been blessed to learn along the way in my spiritual walk.

Now I can truly say (having experienced it): "this too shall pass."

Now I understand what James meant when he said:

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James 1:2 and 3 (English Standard version).
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Do you see it? Do you see that we must not avoid life or the circumstances where we failed?

Learn to stand back and overlook, and now these situations will become the ground for the development of character and by which you can undo the past.

Let me just say right here that the spiritual meditation to calm down that Roland offers free was a big help to me. I highly recommend it, since it assists in calming down, and in finding objectivity so as to be able to stand back and observe thoughts and emotions without over reacting to what you see. Like I said earlier--it may not be your cup of tea, but it worked for me.

This brings me to part two of my recovery program.

I told you about part one, where I got through the various typical issues I faced at different stages. But then came the life changing, game changing discovery. I took me four decades to get to the point where I was ready. But when I was finally ready, it happened in a heartbeat and within a few days I was a new person.

I'll tell you about it in Part Two

Michael

Roland's comments

Thanks, Mike.

Your letter is inspirational. I would like to mention something about awareness, one of my favorite subjects. You found the meditation helpful because it helped you become objective, so you could look at your issues, feelings and thoughts with objectivity. It worked for you because you wanted to be aware. Until a person is ready, he or she will try to avoid awareness (because of the pain it brings when we see our own wrong).

You see, once we fail and deal poorly with some situation, we don't want to see that we failed. So we tend to retreat into the imagination and make excuses. By doing so, we cut ourselves off from full open eyed awareness (which is what we need to face situations with intuition and understanding).

So, at the first sighting of stress we escape from awareness, and then we fail again. That's why we tend to keep doing the same error over and over with the same people or look alike people. For example, we may have resented our overbearing mom, become rebellious and angry, and as we go through life we keep meeting people like our mom, to whom we react the same old way (resentfully, rebelliously and angrily).

When awareness comes back and we are forced to see that we failed again, we reach for distractions to escape into like work or study, music, marijuana, alcohol, or pills to take away the one thing that would help us face the next moment well: awareness.

Now here is the beautiful part. The way you respond to an issue can change the very next time you encounter it. All you need is the missing ingredient. That missing ingredient is awareness (coupled with a willingness to see the truth).

The very next time you face the issue (or situation) but this time with awareness, it will be all different. Awareness gives you the power to stand back, see it objectively, and respond intuitively.

One man, who had a 20 year nicotine addiction began to meditate in order to find the objective state of awareness. One day he picked up his cigarette and took a puff with awareness, and he never smoked again. His cigarettes gave him up because he was no longer compatible with them. Before he had used the sensations and the stress of the effects of nicotine to lower awareness and help him escape from what he wasn't ready to see. Now he was ready to face reality, and it just took one smoke with awareness for him to see that he no longer had a need for smoking.

Remember, most of us spend our lives facing everything without awareness because of our habit of escaping awareness. So the obvious question becomes: how do we find and hold onto awareness? That is where the meditation (coupled with the attitude of wanting to be aware) comes in.

Read Read Part Two of Mike's Story

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To learn more about the meditation click here

How to Stop Overreacting

2010-12-13T17:56:00.000-08:00

How to Find Confidence: Chapter 1 Mike's Story of Overcoming Anxiety, OCD, Depression and Shyness

2010-11-19T15:29:00.000-08:00

My name is Roland Trujillo PhD (pastoral psychology). I have a radio program and some blogs where I provide education and information about letting go of baggage from the past, finding confidence, learning to be more forgiving with people, and optimizing life experience.

My dear friend Mike and I are co-authoring a recovery self help book. It is Mike's story but I am helping him with the book. In a nutshell, Mike overcame several issues without therapy or meds. He is symptom free and leads a full productive life. Mike has been posting installments of the book on this blog. We are up to installment 14.

The following are excerpts from Chapter One: How to Find Confidence. A Letter from Michael, Who Overcame Anxiety, Bipolar, OCD, Depression and Shyness

Here is an letter written by someone who gets it. Mike is his pseudonym because he wants to remain anonymous. But he also wants his story published so people can benefit from it. These are excerpts from Installment One (Chapter One) of Mike's Story.

He overcame depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder and more without therapy or meds. He is not claiming that his walk will work for everyone. He is just sharing his story. Mike is opinionated, But nowadays the bookstores are full of books where people tell about their lives. So Mike has as much right to tell his story and voice his opinions as anyone else. Besides, he's been there; done that.

We cheer when the singer wins the talent show or Rocky Balboa wins the fight. Here's a regular guy who triumphed and left all his issues behind. Mike is an inspiration. Bravo. All we can say is "Thanks, Mike."
_______________________

Hello, my name is Michael. Actually, Mike is not my real name, but I will use the name Mike to tell my story.

I love this verse from Psalms:
He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

It sounds good, doesn't it? But the question is: how do you get to where you have such a firm heart and settled spirit? How do you find confidence?

It took me a long time to get to where I could understand and say something about having "a firm heart and settled spirit." I used to be Mr. Jellyfish.

But here’s the good news: if I can do it, anyone can do it. It took me 40 years, but that was because it took 40 years for me to get to the point where I was ready. Once you’re ready, recovery can begin in a heartbeat.

And it doesn’t have to take 40 years to be ready. (I was stubborn in my pridefulness and denial). You can be ready in this instant regardless of your age, if your heart is pure and you are sincere.

Here's my story. Let's begin with a few thoughts about anxiety and some observations about life and how I started to recover.

When you are in a tight golf match and it's the 18th hole and you have to make a knee knocking three foot putt, what do you do? You suck it up, get a bucket full of guts, and even though your knees are knocking, you attempt the putt. Maybe it goes in and maybe it doesn't. The point is--you overlook your fear and trembling and attempt the putt.

What do you do when you're in a tough basketball game in the last minute of the game and you come to the free throw line? You throw up the free throws. You don't cut and run, or take a drug.

Let's say you're a doctor on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean and a passenger has a major acute emergency that has to be dealt with now. Do you become upset and run away because you can't cope? No, you deal with the situation, even though your heart may be pounding and your knees knocking.

I love what John Wayne had to say about this. John Wayne was answering questions from the audience. The microphones and cameras were all there. Someone raised his hand and asked: "Mr. Wayne, what do you do when you have to face some great danger?"

Do you know what John Wayne replied? Without a moment's hesitation he gripped the podium, leaned forward a little, flashed his famous smile and said: "You're scared to death, but you get on your horse and you ride anyway."

Thanks, John. You're my kind of guy.

The ideal, of course, is to be like John Wayne said. It helps to have a bucket full of guts. And it's even better to have faith. And with it, love. In one of his letters, Paul said: "Perfect love casts out fear."

Most heroes (the types who arrive at the scene and save some one's life) later say they didn't feel like a hero. "I just saw something that had to be done and I did it." The hero had no thought of self. Instead of second guessing, worrying about the consequences, and dwelling on self preservation, he or she just did what had to be done. This is very close to faith and love.

Few of us have much faith or love. We don't even know what faith or love is. But we know them by their absence! Most of us are well acquainted with copping out, avoiding, becoming hostile, resentful, and then making excuses and seeking reassurance.

But there is still hope that we might develop faith and love. The history books are full of stories of people who did not step onto the stage of history until they were older. And when they did, they somehow found the courage to make a difference.

I have discovered that the secret to life is in overlooking. You have anxiety, but overlook it. In other words, instead of struggling with, suppressing or trying to get rid of the anxiety, you overlook it.

Overlooking works when it comes to being more forgiving with others too. Let's say someone makes a mistake, but this time you overlook it (instead of judging or resenting them).

Similarly, you have doubts, but you overlook them (instead of dwelling on them). You feel anger (at your child, for example), but you overlook it (and remain calm).

There are many good things I could say about overlooking--how it helps us overcome anxiety, doubts, fears, negative emotion; and how it helps us be more patient with others. But for now, I will mention it in passing. Later I will talk about meditation and how it helps you learn to stand back, take a deep breath, and overlook.

But I don't want to get ahead of myself. First I want to talk about how we got into the mess we are in, and how I was able to recover fully.

Before I have any credibility with you, I need to establish that I had a multitude of issues, got past them, and now they are in the distant past and no longer important (other than being able to use them to help others).

Let me continue with a bit more about how we got to where we are. Unfortunately, many of us did not have wise parents and other authorities. We were not provided character building activities, or even much real work. We were made to sit in school and basically do nothing for hours a day from age 5 through 18 or beyond.

In plain and simple terms, some of us just haven't had a chance to build up some courage or chutzpa. We have been robbed of the kind of experiences where we could develop it.

But we can start to build some now, by using the "overlook principle" I alluded to. We can be just like John Wayne said--scared to death but we ride anyway.

Once you realize that you have been denied character building experiences (through being kept from them or from not being taught how to not over react), you can stop beating yourself up. Instead you can simply admit you don't have certain virtues built yet, but you can start to do some things anyway. By overlooking the fear or anxiety.

You will also discover that kindness, fortitude, endurance, graciousness, and patience are ready to unfold when you let go of resentment. We tend to resent the type of circumstances where we looked bad or failed in the past.

If you can learn to approach the new circumstance without resentment, then experience the anxiety (without resenting it), you will be then free to meet the moment with some aplomb. Now having met the moment properly, you will be able to meet the next one ever more easily and without resentment. Anxiety will diminish.

You will discover that there is joy and a sense of triumph in meeting a moment properly. Even if you don't "win" or handle it perfectly, there is joy in meeting it without resentment and with a certain amount of dignity.

Realize that in a hedonistic, secular, therapeutic culture in which we live, all the signals and messages we get are that the values in life are:
having a good time;
feeling good;
being nice;
feeling good about ourselves;
and having our needs met.

Many people around us--even many of our parents, grandparents, educators, church leaders, and other authorities-- have the value of always seeking to feel good and never bad. At the first sign of the slightest ache or pain, they reach for a pill or some other medication to take away the symptoms.

So when it comes to life and its ups and downs, they also seek to have a good time or at least feel good. One person listens to classical music and another to rap music to feel good; one listens to high sounding speeches and another to low brow humor, but either way it's for the purpose of feeling good. One drinks beer, another martinis, another smokes, and another takes a pill to feel good.

Instead of living and teaching the value of doing what is right and overlooking anxiety or negative emotion, they first seek to get rid of the anxiety or negative emotion.

This is putting the cart before the horse. We triumph as humans when we overcome anxiety or negative emotions through doing what is right and being virtuous.

In other words, a true human gives the food to their child even though they themselves feel hungry. A true human does the right thing despite fear. S/he tells the truth, though s/he is made to feel uncomfortable. She acts calmly for the sake of others, despite anxiety. He says "no" to temptation despite having feelings of lust or greed.

The noble person does not wait until he feels good or feels brave to do his or her duty. The noble person does his duty or what is right, and in the exercise thereof develops courage.

Courage, well being, peace of mind and joy are the rewards for doing what is right.

When the partying, drinking, and drugging result in a let down, hang over or discomfort, the misinformed and selfish look for a pill to take away the symptoms or the awareness of the discomfort so they can feel good.

In other words, it's definitely not your great grandfather's lifestyle or values.

So when life brings a little rain, and the young people are not having a good time or do not feel good about themselves, they tell their parent or counselor. Instead of getting the wisdom of the ages or the kind of understanding an uncle or grandma once had, they are referred to someone who prescribes a drug.

The focus is rarely on duty or on helping others. Moreover, as we said, most young people are deprived of useful work that would make them feel needed, valuable and other directed.

The focus is always on them, specifically performance: that they achieve, that they do well on tests, study more, get higher grades, be more compliant, and so on. Otherwise the focus is on being popular, having a good time, and feeling good about oneself.

With all this constant attention directed at them (not to mention all the advertising, peer group pressure, and pop culture which is designed to make them self conscious about looks, dress, habits and attitudes that have to be like their peers), it is no wonder that such a person would become overly self conscious and overly concerned about feelings. They've been let down by their parents and other authorities who failed to protect them and guide them properly.

The man or woman of faith and perfect love will one day face challenging situations without any feelings at all.

He or she will be fearless in the face of danger; without resentment in the face of torment; and without excitement in the face of temptation. Instead there will be faith, love, dedication, obedience, patience, joy, and peace of mind.

But like I said, this type of spirituality is something we might grow into. It could take many years of just being a regular person, growing up, making some mistakes, getting married, raising a family, having some ups and downs until one begins to yearn for something more. And then it might take another 40 years of growth in this new life to become the man or woman of faith and true love. Remember it took 80 years for Moses to be made ready to lead his people out of Egypt.

So you might as well be prepared for a long period of just being a regular person. But you can start to make some baby steps toward the day you have virtue and courage by living with some dignity, some honor, some self control, some discipline where you are right now.

And by exercising virtue, it will grow, and you will increase in composure and self control. No, you won't walk on water--but by exercising virtue, you'll begin to face things with at least a modicum of natural poise, and it will grow.

Therefore do not mind it if you encounter some difficulty. Do not become resentful if you have some ups and downs, some rain on your parade, a boyfriend or girlfriend who quits you, a job you don't get, a day when you don't feel particularly good or some anxiety if you have to give a speech.

And while you are at it, expect betrayal, people saying mean things about you for no reason, and so on. That way you won't be shocked and upset when it happens.

And don't expect to meet every little or big adversity well. You won't. At least not at first. Remember I said that most of us have been denied character building experiences? If you are like lots of us, you'll have to start at the ground floor facing little things (with trembling and discomfort) and a little at a time.

So you'll have to start now where you are at. And it doesn't matter where that is.

Have you heard the Zen master's question? He asked the novice "when is the best time to plant a tree?
The novice did not know.
The Zen master said: The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago.
Next the Zen Master asked: "When is the second best time to plant a tree?"
Again the novice did not know.
The Zen Master said: "The second best time to plant a tree is today."

So start to face some things today.

And like I said, don't expect to get it just right from the start. Take it easy. Rome wasn't built in a day. Don't look for perfection. Look for progress. And here's a word of caution: start with the small stuff.

Remember how I said that we have been made self conscious in many ways? Okay. So don't hate yourself if you meet a moment badly. In my life, I've messed up, made a fool of myself, cut and run, let my team down, copped out, and many other small but shameful failings. I failed and then reacted badly to what I was forced to see about myself.

But as time went by (as years went by) I learned to fail less. And I also learned to react badly less to my failings. In other words, I began to grow up, and I'm still growing up.

I'm 60ish now. When I was 10, 15, 20, 30 years old, did I have anxiety? Of course. Did I get depressed? Of course.

When my parents got divorced, it bothered me. When my dad died, it made me sad. When my parakeet died, I felt bad. What was I supposed to do, be happy about these things? I grieved and felt hurt and then I got over it.

When I was a little kid, did I go through a period of time when I had to do a ritual of counting numbers or arrange my shoes perfectly at night or else "something really bad would happen?" Of course. Then I grew out of it.

When I was in college, was I high and hyper when something good happened, staying up till dawn talking excitedly to my friends?

Of course.

Then when things didn't go well, the girl didn't answer my phone calls, and our team lost the big game, did I get bummed out and depressed and have really negative thoughts?

Naturally.

When I was in my 20's, did I wonder who I was and if there was a future for me? Did I mess up, and make lots of mistakes? Sure.

Did I have long months of feeling down and blue, without any motivation to do anything? And then did something try to tell me I was "worthless" and that "the world would be better off without me?" Of course.

When I was 30 and sitting in a lonely apartment in the outskirts of Chicago, with the snow coming down and nowhere to go and wishing I were back in California, did I feel depressed? Of course.

But here I am. I got through.

My recovery was two part.

First it was just growing out of issues. It seems like each stage of our life--little kid, big kid, teenager, college age, 20's, 30's--there are some typical issues to deal with. The old expression "time heals all wounds" definitely applies. Somehow I just grew out of things. I didn't have therapy or take meds, I outgrew most of the issues.

Like when I was a kid, teen, and in my 20's I was painfully shy. But then when I was in my 30's I was teaching college classes, and now I feel comfortable around everyone and talk about anything. Okay, so it took a few years to get over it. But I did get over it.

As we grow, we mature, we leave behind the things of childhood--including issues. We move on. It's a long process and it's life.

There is a term in psychotherapy call normalizing. It means helping a person see that some anxiety (or whatever that they are going through) is what a lot of people experience. Some people think that if they are anxious, hear voices, have obsessive thoughts, or have a compulsion, they are the only person in the whole world with this issue.

It's a relief to find out that lots of people have the same issues and lots of people get better.

I'm extending my hand in friendship to talk about some of the things I have been blessed to learn along the way in my spiritual walk.

Now I can truly say (having experienced it): "this too shall pass."

Do you see it? Do you see that we must not avoid life or the circumstances where we failed?

Learn to stand back and overlook, and now these situations will become the ground for the development of character and by which you can undo the past.

Let me just say right here that the spiritual meditation to calm down and learn how to stand back was something I discovered when I was 39 and it has taken me to the next level. Growing out of things and maturing got me to age 39. Then I began to discover the spiritual walk. That's all.

Read Installment 2

.

Chapter 13 How I Overcame ADHD - My True Story by Mike

2010-11-09T14:59:00.000-08:00

Hello, my name is Mike. This is my story.

Here are two quotes from one of my favorite doctors.

"Methylphenidate is a classic stimulant that is almost identical in its effects of the brain and mind to other stimulants such as amphetamine and methamphetamine . . . All the classic stimulants can cause addiction, violence toward self and others, depression, mania and a broad array of bizarre mental reactions and behaviors."

"Depression and suicide are not side effects as much as they are primary effects of stimulant drugs. Depression and suicide are simply exaggerations of the same effects that seemingly make the child look more "normal" by reducing spontaneity and enforcing obsessive-compulsive responses." Dr. Peter Breggin from his book Medication Madness
_______________
Excerpts from Chapter 13 of the book. Preview the book now

When I was a kid, I fidgeted, spoke out of turn and had difficulty paying attention.

Thank you Mom, Dad, Step Dad and all the good teachers, coaches, and doctors of my hometown who had the patience and love to let me be just a kid instead of wanting to control me and put a chemical straightjacket on my soul.

Thank you. I love you.

Those of you who have read the other chapters of my book know that my parents messed up.

They did the best they could, but they didn't have the special type of agape love that I needed. Now I see that no one ever loved them in a right way. So they couldn't give what they themselves didn't have.

So I forgave them. I see that they were victims too. I have left behind the baggage of the past and moved forward. I don't dwell on the past anymore. I only recount some events from the past because they have instructive value for others.

But I must also say that I am very grateful to my parents and to my step dad for being decent and having some common sense. I had all sorts of issues (and now I can see that I'm sure that I was a pain at times for them). But they never labeled me, and for that I am grateful.

They allowed me to just be a kid with some issues that I would outgrow.

I'm sure that Albert Einstein, Susan B. Anthony, Abraham Lincoln, and Beethoven got their clothes dirty, skinned their knees, picked their nose, forgot their lines, and didn't do their homework. . . . . . .

Kids are kids. I fidgeted, spoke out of turn, didn't pay attention, didn't do my homework, spent all my money on baseball cards, and a whole bunch of things wrong I don't even remember.

But my parents never quit on me. They never betrayed me. For this I am grateful. I had some obsessive thoughts and some compulsions. Thank God I got over them without an heavy handed drugs used on me. . . . . .

I looked at the DSM (the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders) and I saw that I had had every single one of the behaviors that indicate attention deficit and hyperactivity.

But back then when I was a kid, people still remembered Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer.

So I wasn't diagnosed. . . . . .

I wasn't labeled. I was a just another kid, a neighbor, a friend, a person who would grow up and one day take my place as a parent and neighbor in the community.

I was a kid, and people in the neighborhood watched out for me. Like Andy of Mayberry or Ward and June Cleaver on Leave it to Beaver, they let me be a kid but were always watching to make sure I was okay. They remembered how the Huck Finn of today will become the Ralph Waldo Emerson, the Henry David Thoreau, the pastor, the pilot, the judge, the policeman, the teacher, or the bus driver of tomorrow. . . . . .

It wasn't all about control. It was about freedom and love.

If I had trouble paying attention it was because my parents were fighting and getting divorced, or a bully said he was going to beat me up after class--so my mind was elsewhere. . . . .

But when I had teachers who were interesting, when the material was relevant and timely, and when it was interesting, I could learn at lightening speed.

. . . . . I graduated near the top of my class and went to college on a four year academic scholarship. I eventually became a manager and even went back to college and got a Masters degree.
_________________________________________

Mike's Story “How I overcame depression,
bipolar, OCD, anxiety and other
issues without drugs”

is available in eBook to download to your computer, read online, or download to your mobile device right now!

Preview now

Mike’s Story “How I overcame depression,
bipolar, OCD, anxiety and other
issues without drugs.” is the powerful personal testimony of someone
who overcame mental health and other issues and went on to
enjoy a successful, productive life.

Mike tells you about his childhood:

the traumas,
the obsessions
and compulsions,
his shyness and bipolar.
Mike tells you about his twenties: the
depression, the doubts and the fears.

You will hear him talk about how Zorro and Colombo helped him get through.

You’ll find out what the Zen Master said.

You’ll read about Mike’s close call with Dr. Rough Handling.

Mike loves to philosophize about life, love,

and he likes Frank Sinatra too.

For each stage of his life he reveals how he moved on and left the issues behind.

Mike saves the best for last:

How he found his
spiritual roots with the help of meditation,
a change of heart,
and a hug and a kick in the pants from God.

Preview now

Roland Trujillo, pastor, mentor and spiritual
director, is the author of 12 books. His popular self
help radio program has aired on both secular and
Christian radio stations around the country for 22
years.

“I love helping people improve their
relationships, overcome personal issues and find
their spiritual roots. People get stuck, and they need
someone who thinks outside the box to help
them look at life with fresh eyes.

People are resilient and can make progress in a very short amount of time.
Sometimes all it takes is an insight or two,
a little meditation to get centered, and knowing that there is someone
who has love, and who both understands
and can help. That’s all.

I have discovered that the secret to life is in overlooking.

You have anxiety, but overlook it. In other words, instead of struggling with, suppressing or trying to get rid of the anxiety, you overlook it.

Someone makes a mistake, but you overlook it (instead of judging or resenting them). You have doubts, but you overlook them (instead of dwelling on them).

Okay, so it took a few years to get over it. But I did get over it.

So we grow, we mature, we leave behind the things of childhood--including issues. We move on. It's a long process and it's life.

t's a relief to find out that lots of people have the same issues, and lots of people get better.

I'm extending my hand in friendship to talk about some of the things I have been blessed to learn along the way in my spiritual walk.

Your friend, Mike

Roland's comments

Thanks, Mike
Your letter is inspirational.

That is why I enjoy helping people calm down first. After finding the secret to self control, they will then be able to express love, reason and patience..

What It Really Means to Be Born Again

2010-11-06T08:18:00.000-07:00

There are rare moments in our lives when we actually experience the eternal now. Though we live in the now, we spend our time lost between our ears. The present gets our attention with some new stress or unexpected issue, to which we react, fail, and then hide in thinking. All we know is trauma and reaction, and then misusing people, substances and nature for distraction and relief. We judge everything and everyone as good if it makes us feel good and as bad if it makes us feel bad.

In the now, we could experience the beauty and peace of the now, the generosity and grace of God's gift of time, the sweet attentiveness of ministering angels working behind the scenes, the security of the marvellous order and predictability of the universe, and sense God's Presence in Whom we live and move and have our being.

Instead of knowing God, we play God and secretly judge the mistakes and shortcomings of others; then we cater to them and use them to forgive us, reassure us, and comfort us to take away pain and guilt. Some of our methods are sophisticated and others are crude. But the misuse of people and nature only increases our guilt.

Of course, when we were little kids we lived in the now all the time (although much of such time was also spent in our imagination). Little kids take delight and joy in everything around them. They experience the moment. Their imaginative life is innocent and God wants them to spend a lot of time playing and pretending.

But when we start to get older, we miss the joy of the present and instead dwell in the imagination in an unhealthy way. No longer is our thought life based in innocence and the joy of discovery. The adult who is lost between his ears is hiding there. When TV and trivia don't hold the attention and fill the mind, the only escape from seeing what a failure they have is in thinking.

Having failed in reality, he or she relives the past and worries about the future. Thus thinking does a double duty of providing escape, and at the same time the illusive but futile hope of rearranging the past to suit the ego better or scheming how to get out of one mess or another.

A young person has pipe dreams, but the older person has worries. What has happened is trauma--the trauma of sin and failure--and the memories are trauma based. The worries and scheming are based in faithlessness, and the worries are based in fear--fear of failing again.

You see, our real failure is not so much how we squandered money, missed some opportunity, or ruined our health or relationships (though there are usually plenty of these, though the ego manages to blame someone else), our real failure lies in having failed to meet life with patience and wisdom. In a million million moments, we had our chance to be patient, but we were resentful or angry instead.

We had our chance to have faith, but we were impatient and played God trying to make something happen. And when we had our chance to live by principle and do the right thing, we went for the expedient--for selfish advantage.

We therefore have knowledge of failure, and now instead of looking forward to the future and new challenges and successes, we look forward to failure. And all our time is spent worrying and scheming to avoid more failure.

Somehow we know deep down that having failed to develop character in many small but character building moments in the past, when the next temptation comes along, we won't have the substance to resist. We will give in again (as we always have in the past), and then hide in distractions, pleasure, imagination, worry or the scoundrels last refuge--religion.

More and more, the things around us remind us of failure and loss. Having lived recklessly and foolishly, we are acquainted with loss. Having failed our families and loved ones, we are acquainted with guilt and fear for what we have made them. We know that without true faith and discernment, they are vulnerable.

When we are guilty, everything is tinged with fear. Fear of being found out, fear of being exposed, fear of what our wrong might bring upon us. And behind it all is a prevailing fear of God.

Our separation from God and our guilt for living improperly translates into fear, anxiety and a low grade paranoia. For example, guilty parents, who have been impatient, angry and cruel to their child, experience fear and anxiety when their child is sick (fearing it being visited upon them for their wrong).

Parents who have abandoned their child to the public schools, to the peer group and to popular culture, will experience fear when their child goes to college or leaves home. In their heart, they know that their faithlessness and pressure has made their child into a conformist who will follow others and be led into danger and error. They fear the child's character weakness, naivete and vulnerability for which they, the parents, are responsible.

A wife who resented her now deceased husband and always gave him a hard time will begin to experience guilt when everything around the home that reminds her of him becomes now negatively charged. Everything becomes a reminder of lost opportunity, lost love, lost time, and now a lost chance to ever make things right.

Young people, relatively innocent, yet egos by nature, are often self conscious over many bodily things. A pimple can make them self conscious. A young med student will begin to fear having every condition he learns about in med school. These forms of self consciousness with resulting anxiety usually pass, as we outgrow them.

But when a person gets older and experiences more and more moral failure, just about everything in the environment begins to become a reminder of failure or a dreaded occasion for more failure. In short, the soul is guilt stained. And the stain of sin makes the ego afraid and anxious over anything that reminds it of its wrong.

"There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick soul." This beautiful line from an old Gospel song speak of the sin sick soul. You don't hear this term anymore. Strange isn't it that we live in a therapeutic culture, where everyone is looking for pain relief, anxiety relief, depression relief, and all manner of therapy to take away pain and help us feel good, yet no one talks about how the underlying cause of our pains and dis-eases might be a sin sick soul.

Perhaps now you can see the proof of original sin right before your eyes. We are egotistical and self conscious by nature. Born with an ego separated from God, and born with fallen body, we are self conscious, awkward and a bit anxious over how we are. This is by nature and is not our own sin or wrong, just our inherited nature that we get from our parents.

But once we grow to maturity, we begin to acquire our own personal set of failing and wrongs, and these begin to stain the soul.

What we need is to re-find God, to be reconciled to Him, to find redemption from inherited and personal wrong, to be reformed so as to be able to live properly, and to experience revival, literally a revivification by sharing in God's life and enjoying His approval and good pleasure.

The soul would be healed, the memories are wiped away, and the present would become innocent and joy filled again. The future full of promise and hope.

Perhaps now you can also see that the following beautiful words that begin with R are not just idle words-- but refer to real life things that really mean something.

Redemption, repentance, reconciliation, rebirth, revival, reformation, and reunion refer to real meaningful life events, which the seeking person awaits.

Just remember that these things are very sacred and beautiful, much too marvellous for words. They begin in the soul and are a result of the touch of God. They involve the relationship between a soul and its maker.

You cannot make them happen, nor can some person on the outside. Rituals, music, preaching, and all manner of man made staged events are shallow and cannot bring about the inner changes.

At best they are emotional hypnotic external experiences that are a substitute for the real thing. They become wicked and dangerous when they interfere with a person's actually finding the real thing, and instead gets caught up with personalities, study and ritual.

Involvement with the trappings of supportive or exciting people who offer their services under the guise of religion or spirituality can actually make a person permanently worse off if in getting involved with the false externals, he or she becomes so guilty in the process that s/he fears and avoids the real God of conscience. The guilt and anxiety of awakening to conscience can make the person cling even more tenaciously to the false reassurances, support and reinforcement of the external interlopers and their rituals, assurances, music, and study.

Therefore you must wake up to see the shallowness and falsity of external staged events, pompous words spoken with guile, and forced study. Stand back and recover your senses. The guilt or anxiety you experience is not for abandoning the external substitutes, but it is honest guilt for having gone along with the charade in the first place.

If you will, listen to the meditation that has the sole purpose of helping you awaken from your hypnotic involvements and re finding your inner ground of being.

Fear not, beloved of God. If you have gotten involved with shallow external people or groups, you were only temporarily delayed. Your love of truth will eventually awaken you to see something wrong or unfulfilling about all the external trappings, and one day you will find the real thing.

Likewise, if you have a deep love of truth, you were probably drawn to external substitutes because the nice words and sentiments they held out were close to what you were looking for. But when you saw the deceit or enslavement hiding behind the nice words, you rebelled and ran from them.

Likewise, you may have had hypocritical parents or other authorities when you were young, and seeing their hypocrisy may have tempted you to hate and reject religion. In other words, you threw the baby out with the bathwater.

Know now that the guilt you feel is only for having hated and resented those people and their betrayal. Realize now that they are victims; forgive them. And when you forgive (drop your resentments), you too will be forgiven.

Your other error, for which you will also one day be repented, is of course that of doubt. You saw something a bit false about what everyone else was doing. They all seemed to be succeeding and living the good life. They were earthy and ambitious, but they talked a good game. They appeared to have something you did not. You resented them and felt guilty for the resentment. So it was tempting to embrace them and join them to get what you wanted and to take away the guilt for resenting them.

You doubted the inner testimony about them. Inwardly and wordlessly, you knew there was something false about their way of life, but you became impatient with God and doubted the inner way. You wanted what they seemed to have, so you gave yourself over to them. You studied, sexed, took drugs or alcohol, partied and became ambitious just like them. But you never felt comfortable with it.

Now year later, you are ready to repent of having doubted and abandoned your true lodestar. Now you must simply stand back and wait upon God. Inwardly and ever so gently, He will show you your errors one by one. And when He does, just bear the brief pain of seeing your error. Don't try to do anything about it. Just bear the temporary pain, and soon it will refine in the sad-glad of repentance. Sad to see your wrong, but glad to come clean.

Mike's Story Part 12 Do I Have a Future, Does anyone Care--Yes Says Mike

2010-10-19T13:36:00.000-07:00

The following is installment 12 of Mike's story.

Thanks, Mike. Roland

_______________________

Hi, my name is Mike and here is installment 12 of my story of recovery.

Here is a brief quote from Dr. Peter Breggin: Despite all the emphasis of giving drugs to depressed people, many recover from depression with time on their own, while others receive help from a variety of sources, including therapy, family, and religion. Depression is a loss of hope. . . . The restoration of hope is key to overcoming depression and hope can come from many sources. The alternative to antidepressants is all of life: romantic love, family, friends, community, nature, and religion all help people overcome depression. Scientific studies show that everything from a new pet to an exercise program, as well as the passage of time, can relieve depression.
Dr. Peter Breggin

I saw this quote from Peter Breggin in one of Roland's blogposts. I see now that it was God that I was looking for, though I didn't know it. And no matter how much fun I was having or how interesting my work or studies were--something was missing.

Of course, as a young guy, I thought that it was romantic love that was missing. Needless to say, young ladies are very interesting and charming. Needless to say, someone new to think about does make life more exciting and leads to losing a few pounds and looking better to make a good impression.

Alas, something was still missing.

Getting married and settling down for a few years is the way to go in the long run. It makes you aware of weaknesses and selfishnesses you never knew you had. You have to look at your partner and kids as real human beings and not just as friends to have fun with (as we regarded our college friends, for example).

Round about age 39 is when I experienced the touch of God. I know for sure that it was the real thing, but more about that later.

Right now I want to talk about Peter Breggin's comment that the restoration of hope is the key to recovery.

I think he is right. I now see that all along the way there were various hopes to keep me hanging in there. Some turned out to be disappointments, but most were helpful to make life bearable and give me something to look forward to. These hopes or anticipations served their purpose.

They were temporary, and gave me little things all along the way to cling to and anticipate until I found the real thing. They sustained me--until I found a spiritual connection with my Creator.

To put it more accurately, He found me and rescued me.

I expand the definition of hope a little to include: something to look forward to and something to aspire to. As I look back on my life, I see that for each age, there were hopes, things to look forward to and aspirations.

As a kid, the things I looked forward to were simple and down to earth: school being over, lunch, dinner, playing ball, Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas, a new bike, a shortwave radio, a new comic book and so on.

Then came looking forward to going to college, exams being over, driving a car, and so on. We all know about the many simple things that we have looked forward to. But I think we overlook their importance.

Remember what Roland always says: it is easy to see that humans are different than other animals, because only humans need hope. Working hard all morning, becoming hungry and looking forward to lunch may be simple and mundane, but it is important to the psyche. Animals do not need hope, but humans can't live without it.

There were also people who demonstrated character and courage, who I hoped to one day be like. These people, in other words, gave me hope of becoming someone good someday. They provided a model of someone to grow to be like.

When I was a kid: it was Zorro, the Lone Ranger, or a detective like Tom Selleck or James Garner in the Rockford Files. Or maybe like a baseball or football star.

When I was older, it was Bruce Lee or one of the high school priests I admired. And there were dreams of traveling and adventure like the guys in Route 66 or driving a motorcycle like Dennis Hopper in Five Easy Pieces. These dreams are another variety of hope.

And don't forget the dream of meeting THE girl or guy of your dreams.

There are transition periods that occur between childhood and teenhood; between teenhood and young adulthood; between young adulthood and adulthood. I think that much depression is explainable by the fact that the person is in a transition period.

It's like being a sailboat in the doldrums, drifting without wind, awaiting the wind of the spirit and new things to sail toward. They are in the lull of a transition period. Each lull is temporary but the person mistakenly thinks it won't end.

These transition periods are normal and necessary: saying goodbye to the things of one stage in life, and waiting to say hello to new things. It is at these points that the person needs a wise parent, a good friend, a true mentor, a thoughtful neighbor, useful work to keep occupied with, and some source of good philosophy. Someone to see them through. Someone to say "this too shall pass."

Someone to say: Hey, I went through what you did. You'll be okay.

For example: there comes a time when the teen finds that the new radio, the new puppy, the first snowfall, the beginning of summer, the coming of Thanksgiving and Christmas are still nice, but no longer have the magical quality they once had. Now there are new things to look forward to: romance, college, work, going out into the world, and so on.

But these things may either 1) be tinged more with fear and trepidation rather than joy or 2) some personal issue or issues makes these things appear to be out of reach.

It is important for the person to know that laying aside the things of childhood and awaiting picking up the things of adulthood can sometimes leave one feeling a bit low. To put it another way, ambivalent. Don't beat yourself up if you feel like retreating to a former stage and its securities. Don't think that life has passed you by if you are in a period when nothing seems to be happening. Just wait, and things will change. They always do.

Stay away from drugs, bingeing, partying, or risk taking to fill the emptiness.

Feeling a little empty, not getting the same pleasure from things you used to enjoy, being uncertain, and not knowing for sure what to do with your life--these are experiences everyone has. Bear with them for awhile. They shall pass. You'll find your way.

Be aware that some people will pressure you. They will lack understanding and accuse you or seek to change you. If you are not doing anything, they will accuse you of being lazy. If you honestly don't know what to do with your life (which in my opinion is perfectly normal for most people), they will accuse you of not having goals and they will seek to pressure you to make a decision.

Here's a little hint--watch out for those who pressure you to decide, to make a decision. Whether it's a boy pressuring you to go too far, whether it's a parent or educator pressuring you to decide your career, whether you are being pressured to sign up or join a group, buy something, join the service or join a gang--stand back and remain neutral. Wait. Watch.

Sadly, in the guise of religion, you might even be pressured to "make a decision to choose Jesus." Stand back. Remain calm. Wait. If someone is pressuring you, it is not a good thing.

All your life you have been pressured. Chances are you resented the pressure, but then felt guilty because of the resentment. Then you gave in to be embraced by the pressure monger who takes away your guilt. By giving in and giving in over and over again, you become conditioned to give in to pressure.

So you give in and then escape into the imagination--with the help of music, distractions and drugs--to hide from the true guilt of having obeyed outside pressure instead of what you know in your heart is right.

That is why I recommend the meditation. It will teach you how to stand back and observe, without giving in to pressure. It will teach you how to start listening more to what your conscience has been wordlessly trying to tell you.

It will permit you to give in to the good of conscience but be able to stand firm when people apply bad pressure from the outside. You will also learn to be patient with your symptoms.

You will learn to be patient with yourself. Then with calmness and reason, you will be able to find out the way, step by step, to a future of true purpose and joy.

Chapter 11 - Mike Describes His Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Symptoms and How He Overcame Them

2010-10-14T16:34:00.000-07:00

This is installment 11 of Mike's story. Mike describes his experiences in his own words and then asks for my comments. Roland

Mike's Story, cont'd

Hi, my name is Mike. In an earlier chapter of my story, I related that when I was a kid I suffered from obsessive compulsive disorder. I said that I basically outgrew the obvious symptoms. And I mentioned this fact early in my story because I believe that many people have these type of issues. I wanted to give people some hope and encouragement.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't go to therapy or anything. I didn't take any medication. I didn't really do anything, other than experience the symptoms and as time went by, they diminished.

It's like--one time when I was in college, I tried to lift my motorcycle over a car that had it blocked in a storage area. Not a good idea! I strained my back. It felt quite really bad for about a month. I couldn't even bend over. It gradually got better though. Within two or three months it was gone. This was 40 years ago. Well, the same with the symptoms of OCD that I had when I was a kid.

Most of them just diminished as I grew up. I sort of waited them out. The first one to go was having to straighten things and put them in a certain way. Also having to do some little ritual to take away something bad that might happen because I had a bad thought. There was also a ritual I had to do for no particular reason except I felt I had to do it. All these diminished and went away when I was a teen.

But it has become apparent to me that other obsessive thoughts are far more subtle. They diminished in intensity and most gone away, but some of them hung around into adulthood. Some were very vague and subtle. Others were there only occasionally, but very strong. I will mention a couple of them just to give you an example of what I mean. >

When I began meditating some 20 years ago, almost all of the obsessive thoughts quickly went away or diminished. Some hung around a long time, and even today occasionally approach--but now I have learned to stand back and watch them and they can't get away with anything. But I want to mention them anyway, even though they are mostly a thing of the past, because I think it may be of help to some people to know they are not alone--I want them to know that others have similar or the same type of thoughts bothering them--and that someone has gotten beyond them successfully. So here goes.

First the ones that were only there occasionally (rarely), but when they are there, they were very strong. One of them strikes when I hear the Bible verse that relates that Jesus said "Ask anything in my name and it will be granted." Immediately something wants to compel me to ask for something very, very wrong. It is a pressure and I think there must be some inner verbalizing, because what it wants me to ask for is said in words. I separate from it, and I drum up some sort of resolve to quickly dismiss it and not ruminate on it. I don't fight it or argue with it.

Somehow I become aware of it and it is dismissed. Another one that only arises very rarely is when I hear the Bible verse that says that any sin will be forgiven, except one type of blasphemy will not be forgiven. Suddenly an inner voice says a bad swear word in a phrase having to do with this type of blasphemy. Again, I found an inner resolve to have nothing to do with it. It goes away.

Plus I can clearly see that it is not me that is thinking this thought. So I don't feel guilty about it. I just separate from it and don't interact with it. Now I will mention some of the more subtle ones that I never really knew were "obsessions" until I read a book written by a psychiatrist, entitled The Boy Who Couldn't Stop Washing.

In my case, these have been mostly various forms of doubt and self doubt. Something like going on vacation and then, 200 miles from home, suddenly wondering if you might have left the stove on. Then dwelling on this thought, with anxiety, for quite a while. In my case, it was like driving past a group of people and then wondering if I hit one of them with the car.

Then came thinking about it with anxiety. It is going through an intersection with a red light camera and then wondering if I went through a red light. Many of these doubts are torments having to do with being accused of something, or fearing and fretting over having done something wrong by mistake. It's interesting that these type of silly little doubts are a bigger form of pressure than the religious, blasphemous or foul thoughts. The religious ones are so ominous that they are no longer credible.

I see that they are trying to scare me or make me think I've committed the unpardonable sin. Or they are trying to tempt me to tempt God. In other words, they are trying to tempt me to do or think something wrong to see if I will get in trouble. It''s like a rotten kid daring another one to do something wrong. Now I see what they are up to and just dismiss them. The answer is to just not play the game.

But I think the ones that are more mundane are more painful and tormenting because they tempt our ego to get upset and try to deal with them. They are like getting a letter on Friday afternoon that says you didn't pay the utility bill so it is going to be turned off with a big reconnection fee. You know you did pay the bill, so it's a mistake. But you have to wait all weekend until Monday morning to try to clear it up.

The issue itself is not so bad, but the emotions of fear, anger, resentment, a sense of urgency, and even doubt (did my check bounce, etc.) are what cause it to be strong. So now I have learned and am continuing to learn not to react emotionally to anything--a bill, a letter, a phone call, a dent on my car, or an obsessive thought--because the emotions cause a feeling of pressure and the emotions condition our body to feel the upset and want to run or do something to get it over with. There were also subtle but anxiety and torment-producing doubts about not being able to accomplish something, even some simple thing that anyone can do, because bad luck or fate would not allow me.

If I was playing some simple parlor game and lost two or three games in a row--something tried to make me think that fate or providence was against me and if I lost, it seemed to prove that I was cursed with bad luck. This produced anxiety and led to needing to win the little parlor game just to be relieved of losing. Losing seemed to confirm that I was cursed. These doubts were different at different ages or stages of life.

But always the object of the doubts seemed to be to torment with the notion that some sort of loss or failure proved that I was powerless and cursed. In order to not fail (or lose) and have to face the torment of having my powerlessness and curse proved, I often avoided the task or playing the game. But then, of course, the doubt continues to cause anxiety as I realize that I am afraid to find out.

These types of doubts are also subtle varieties of doubting or not having faith in anything, even basic tangible things. There is always the fear that I wouldn't be able to do some simple thing: open the door, find my key, pound the nail without bending it, or handle something without damaging it. Somehow bending the nail meant I was cursed or more incompetent than anyone else. It would prove that some sort of forces were arrayed against me personally. These type of doubts tried to convince me that if I invited someone to my party, they won't come. If I got a goldfish, it would die. If I got on an escalator, it would stop.

If I went to a party, no one will have fun. If I went to work for a company, it would go out of business. As the psychiatrist who wrote the book I mentioned earlier said, and as the people she interviewed said--knowing that the notion is irrational and absurd does not help take away the anxiety. It is only recently, now that I meditate and can stand back and observe thought, that I am becoming aware of just how much of my life had been dominated by these negative thoughts and accompanying anxiety and torment.

And now that I am able to meditate and stand back from thoughts, and can see that I am not really thinking these thoughts of my own volition, I am able to see what has been there all along. I saw that the fact that I had a big ego and was very prideful made me prey to these type of doubts. I was being tempted to make everything into a game: succeed to take away the negative suggestion. But since not everything works out in life, any negative result confirmed the negative suggestion and the resentment and anger reinforced it.

So I had to learn to be less prideful and not to go along with the perverse game. Now that I have read some really good books on OCD, where people are really honest and forthcoming about their doubts, am I also coming to see that doubts are universal--many if not all people have some sort of inner doubts and torments plaguing them. I also think that many have had these sort of things that they don't talk about because no one would understand, or which they aren't really aware of--though they are subject to them.

They are so compensated and keep themselves so distracted they are unaware of what is driving and motivating them. This is hard to talk about, so I've asked Roland to talk about it a little. I do know that since I started meditating properly, most of the doubts are gone. Those that are still there are very background.

Though they might seek to assert themselves, I am held apart from them. I observe them in the distance but have nothing to do with them. An analogy would be like living in a big city and living in a nice area. Certain parts of town have bad and scary people there. Occasionally you drive by the outskirts of that part of town. You see it in the distance but do not go there. For the most part, though you see it, it is a different world.

Similarly, it seems like doubts are always lurking with their type of thinking. But when they are observed, they rush away like naughty schoolboys who are up to no good when the principal arrives. The more I meditate and come to the bright side, the more the dark side retreats. .

Roland's comments

Thanks, Mike. Wow. You described it so well. It makes my part much easier.

The classic example of a kind of tormenting thinking that is archetypal and virtually universal among people is the checking compulsion brought on by a doubt. You lock the door and leave home. But something says to you that you didn't lock the door. So you recheck it. You leave and then there it is again with the doubt about having locked the door. If you leave home and are far away, it might say you left the water running or left the door open. It may not say it outright, but it casts doubt into your mind.

And when you cohabit with this doubt or give in to it, then you feel anxiety, perhaps until you can check to make sure the water is off or the door locked. This is the classic doubt. At some point you just have to say "the heck with it!" Otherwise it will drive you nuts. The reader may not even be consciously aware that he or she is subject to these subtle doubts and negative thoughts.

This is because he has not learned to be objective--to stand back and observe thought without being involved in it. Many people have doubts and negative thoughts which they think are their very own thoughts. But the truth is that these thoughts are not your very own. Thoughts enter from below and from outside. It is not wrong or (in Christian terms) a sin to have such thoughts. It is only when we entertain them and respond to them that we get in trouble. We all think that we are responsible for everything that goes on in our head. But the truth is that the negative and doubt thoughts are from the "not you."

It came from other people and from the world. It has been there from the beginning in the Garden of Eden. And ever since it entered into the first man Adam, it is the spirit that awaits us and claims us. It holds the whole human race under its sway, except for those who find the way to be set free from it. Once it takes up residence in you, it thinks through you. It thinks it is you and you think it is you. But it is not the real you.

Nevertheless, it has been your guiding spirit, making you doubt, and egging you on. It never wants you to know it is there. It conceals itself from you by posing as you or posing as your conscience. It speaks to you with words. It even uses holy words or scripture to mislead you. And when you react to it or believe it, it conditions you to obey it. Know now that it is not you and that its thoughts are not your thoughts.

If they were your thoughts, you could control them at will. All you need now is learn to meditate and stand back. Watch all the tricks it plays and do not respond. Do not believe it and do not disbelieve it. Just watch it. It has no power over you. It only has the power that you give to it by responding to it. From now on only respond to what you wordlessly know in your heart is right. Stand back and do not respond to the faceless voice of torment and doubt anymore. Learn to quietly reject the doubt thoughts.

Also, you must understand that since it is not you that thinks the doubts or the bad (even vile, filthy or blasphemous) thoughts, you need not feel guilty for them. It is not a sin to have a bad thought, only to cohabit with it or attempt to use it. For example, if I go to the grocery store, I am likely to see a naughty picture on the front of a magazine. It is not wrong to see the picture or have a lingering image in my mind.

Only if I attempt to use the image for ego comfort (for example) will the image start to have any power to torment me. I need not feel guilty for having heard someone say a bad word. Nowadays, you hear them all the time. Just let it go in one ear and out the other. It may linger in the mind for a little while. Just stand back and do not react to it and give it energy. It will go away. If the bad word keeps returning, it is most likely because you reacted (resented) when you heard it. Just stand back. Watch it and don't resent it. It may linger for a little while and then it will pass.

If you have been able to track with me this far, it is probably becoming obvious to you that the doubts and torments that keep coming back--or which seem custom tailored to torment you for your particular vulnerabilities or inadequacies--are generally more than just a lingering image from a magazine cover or a word overheard on the street. It is possible that some of the negative things could just be programming and baggage from a negative childhood home environment where everyone damned and cursed you and predicted bad things for you. But chances are there are spiritual factors involved that you must be prepared to see.

Perhaps now you can also see that this faceless voice or these tormenting pressures are working an ancient theme: doubt. Doubt has plagued the whole human race. Adam's sin was doubting God. He believed the serpent who used Eve to whisper to Adam. And when the first couple doubted and disobeyed God, they became subject to doubt. And the whole human race has been subject to doubt ever since.

The French very aptly describe obsessive compulsive disorder as la folie de doute (the doubt folly). The voice of doubt is the betrayer. His goal is to make you doubt yourself. It is pure folly to give in to these doubts or struggle with them. It is folly to try to argue with them or to talk back to them.

You must meditate for objectivity, so that you can stand back and watch them without reacting in any way. When you stand back and neither struggle with them or give in to them, and you observe them calmly from the neutral zone, then God's Light will deal with them.

The Light shines on them exposing them. The unseen spiritual forces behind these thoughts cannot bear the Light and will flee or else burn in the Light. That is why evil wants you to struggle with it. It knows that your efforts block the Light, and so you end up all alone struggling and sinking in your lonely battle. But when you stand back, a force of infinite and incalculable power is wheeled into play, and there is nothing for you to do other than watch and marvel.

If you look carefully, you will see that other people, who are subject to the spirit of doubt, seek to make you doubt yourself too. Some realize what they are doing. Many others do not. All they know is that if they can make you doubt yourself, they feel better. Just don't resent them.

Were you ever to find yourself and begin to operate from faith, the tables would be turned on them and they would have to doubt themselves! This is the way it should be. They, who are seeking to engender doubt, should have to doubt themselves and the wicked game they are playing. And for those few who love the truth deep down, you would be doing them a great favor. If they doubted their present wrong way, and had a change of heart, they would be saved from their prison of doubt.

Doubt is the name of the game. The powers that be, those who grow rich through lording it over others, need to keep you confused and doubting yourself. That way the game they are playing goes undetected, and they can continue to lord it over you with knowledge. Careful. Don't resent them. It is mostly through resentment that the bad spirit gets into us.

Should you resent them, you might feel so guilty that you embrace them and end up doubting yourself again. Learn to stand back. See what they are up to but don't hate them. Meditate and stand back from thought. See how thoughts try to seduce you. Bear in mind that rosy thoughts can be just as great a distraction as negative ones. Just keep meditating and watching.

Mike's Story: Part 10 How He Overcame Childhood Trauma and PTSD

2010-10-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

Here is installment 10 of Mike's wonderful story. It's the story of someone who overcame obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, social phobia, obesity, and nicotine addiction. Now a 160 page eBook - read the whole story -

We have always loved stories of people who overcame adversity, like in the movie Rocky. We like stories of people who raised themselves from failure to success, like the old Horatio Alger story. We like to watch people rise from obscurity to fame on Star Search, American Idol or like Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent.

We love to see regular people, like ourselves, succeed. Well, here is a story that should be inspiring to a huge number of people who have issues that are more internal and less obvious. A guy who is broke or in jail, or a lady who shoplifts have their issues more out in the open. . But as Henry David Thoreau said, Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. The voices, the torment, the depression, the anxiety, the doubts, the self condemnation and self loathing, the loneliness, and the lovelessness are very real to the person who has them, but are not out there for everyone to see. It's more of a private and internal struggle.

If a person were to overcome some or all of these, as in fact, quite a few have, it would be a major victory and a success story to celebrate. Mike did, and here is his story. Mike is very opinionated. But he has a right to his opinions. He salt and peppers his story with social commentary, but isn't that what writers have always done? Thanks for your courage, Mike.

* * * * *

Hello, everyone. My name is Mike and I would like to talk about childhood trauma.

First I want to say that I was fortunate. I had my traumas and my issues, but people left me alone and I did not compound the traumas. Quite a few people are traumatized as a child and then have trauma added to trauma: they are put in some terrible foster care environment, or they are subjected to what Dr. Peter Breggin calls "brain disabling treatments," such as psychotropic meds, ECT or lobotomy. Trauma is added to trauma.

Perhaps they are incarcerated and put in a setting where they are violated again. They may escape from a rotten home to a gang, where they are violated. They might seek escape from an abusive home and seek love in a marriage or relationship where they are again abused.

A young person may seek to earn a living and get away from an unhappy home by joining the military, only to see and experience awful things in some strange place thousands of miles away.

Traumatized and shocked, he or she may be given polypharmacy, and by overdoses or interaction undergo yet further shock.

In short, other human beings keep doing things to them which in the guise of helping them only adds layer upon layer of trauma.

And I must also mention that a person may join a religious or spiritual group for help only to be taken advantage of and used; or perhaps worse yet, find out that it is full of hypocrisy and falsity instead of real love and truth. This leads to the devastation of doubt and cynicism and resentment. More trauma of the deepest and most spiritual variety.

Some of you will say that such a person just had bad luck. But if he or she had been surrounded by loving, kind and understanding people, the bad things would not have happened.

Like I said, I was fortunate to be left alone. I found some good work, went to college, and found plenty of time to read, do sports, have friends, and do lots of reading. I explored the bookstores of San Francisco, experienced life, and outgrew my childhood issues.

When I needed help (such as when I needed to have my tonsils taken out when I was in my twenties), I found a kind and skilled doctor and a great hospital staff. Nothing bad happened.

I got through with the help of a few good teachers, a couple of great bosses, two good doctors, and lots and lots of good books. And yes, my parents were decent.

But my unloved mother (God bless her soul) did lay some trips on me and did a lot of damage. My dad had some issues, but he was a nice man. It's too bad that his issues sort of overwhelmed him, so he couldn't be all the dad he wanted to be.

My step dad was a very decent man, and his presence was a very stabilizing force in the home.

So I had my traumas, and they were bad enough--but rather typical. It is becoming clear to me that most of us are walking wounded. Some of us had rotten parents, but many of us had parents who did the best they could. They provided for us and taught us things. They honestly did what they could for us, but unbeknownst to us at the time (when we were kids) they were struggling with their own demons.

The doubts and fears, the voices, the torments, the anxiety, the emptiness, the self loathing and all the other things that many of us have dealt with, they did too. Something in them wanted us to react, become upset and hate them. Something in them compelled them to be cruel.

Something in them wouldn't let them be kind and light hearted. It compelled them to do to us what was done to them. When they (our parents) were little kids, someone laid a trip on them. Someone was neglectful, cruel or abusive to them. And when your parents became parents, the thing in them then compelled them to pass on the legacy of trauma.

This is something that nobody talks about. But it precisely what Paul was referring to when he said that the good that he wanted to do he did not do, and the wrong that he did not want to do, he found himself doing. So he had to come to the conclusion that it was the sin that had made a home in him, not himself, that was doing the wrong.

When we sin, the spirit of that sin enters into us. Its will becomes our will. We think its will is our will, and we think its thoughts are our thoughts. So we are misled and we struggle with will, only to make it stronger.

And from its new home in us, it talks to us, seducing or driving us to do the very thing we hate, and to become like the people we hated.

Now do you see how sin enters. It is when we step across an invisible metaphysical line, to do wrong or to agree with some temptation. When we were little children, we did not want to become upset and resentful. But the sin nature in others, especially our unloved and abused parents, drove them to neglect or terrorize us until we resented and hated them.

And it was the sin of hate that let the bad spirit in.

Now you see how you have been cruel or thoughtless but did not mean to or want to. You were not being deliberately cruel. You could not help yourself. Now that you see this, you will be able to see that your parents could not help themselves any more than you can. They too were victims. They too were driven by forces that they could not control.

Seeing this, you can now forgive them. In other words, drop your resentment against them.

They did not hurt you on purpose. Then did not know what they were doing. Or they knew what they were doing, but were compelled to do so.

Therefore forgive.

And when you drop your hatred and resentment toward them, your spiritual recovery will begin. You will no longer be full of hate or resentment toward them or anyone, including yourself.

The bad spirit will have no power over you, and it is only a matter of time until it leaves.

And when you forgive others, your Heavenly Father will forgive you. For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. Matthew 6:14, 15 (NASB) Then said Jesus, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. " Luke 23:24 (KJV)

Mike's Story “How I overcame depression,
bipolar, OCD, anxiety and other
issues without drugs”

is now available in eBook to download to your computer, read online, or download to your mobile device right now!

Mike’s Story “How I overcame depression,
bipolar, OCD, anxiety and other
issues without drugs.” is the powerful personal testimony of someone
who overcame mental health and other issues and went on to
enjoy a successful, productive life.

Mike tells you about his childhood:

the traumas,
the obsessions
and compulsions,
his shyness and bipolar.
Mike tells you about his twenties: the
depression, the doubts and the fears.

You will hear him talk about how Zorro and Colombo helped him get through.

You’ll find out what the Zen Master said.

You’ll read about Mike’s close call with Dr. Rough Handling.

Mike loves to philosophize about life, love,

and he likes Frank Sinatra too.

For each stage of his life he reveals how he moved on and left the issues behind.

Mike saves the best for last:

How he found his
spiritual roots with the help of meditation,
a change of heart,
and a hug and a kick in the pants from God.

Preview now

Roland Trujillo, pastor, mentor and spiritual
director, is the author of 12 books. His popular self
help radio program has aired on both secular and
Christian radio stations around the country for 22
years.

“I love helping people improve their
relationships, overcome personal issues and find
their spiritual roots. People get stuck, and they need
someone who thinks outside the box to help
them look at life with fresh eyes.

People are resilient and can make progress in a very short amount of time.
Sometimes all it takes is an insight or two,
a little meditation to get centered, and knowing that there is someone
who has love, and who both understands
and can help. That’s all.

I have discovered that the secret to life is in overlooking.

You have anxiety, but overlook it. In other words, instead of struggling with, suppressing or trying to get rid of the anxiety, you overlook it.
Someone makes a mistake, but you overlook it (instead of judging or resenting them). You have doubts, but you overlook them (instead of dwelling on them).

Okay, so it took a few years to get over it. But I did get over it.

That is why I enjoy helping people calm down first. After finding the secret to self control, they will then be able to express love, reason and patience..

Mike's Story: Part 9 What He Has to Say about Rest, Relaxation, and Restoring the Soul

2010-09-29T11:14:00.000-07:00

This is installment 9 of Mike's story. Thanks, Mike

When I was a little boy, my dad always talked about living on Easy Street. Easy Street was a mythical place to live where everything was smooth and easy. When we faced something difficult, Dad would say when we get this done, we'll be on easy street. If Dad got a raise, he said we were going to be on Easy Street.

"Life is good," is what they say now I think.

When I was a kid, people would part by saying "Take it easy." Life is so much nicer when we take it easy.

One more expression from years ago: When we were about to do something that had a little difficulty and possible struggle involved (like carrying a big sofa through a narrow door), one worker would say to the other "Take it easy." The idea or advice was to slow down and avoid strain.

I mention these old sayings because I think they hold value for us today. Everyone today seems to be rushing. People rush when they drive, rush when they walk, and even when they eat. Plus everyone seems to be connected all the time. Being connected means always multitasking, juggling and handling issues and messages, and basically being on.

Being connected means have a constant inflow of sensory data and information. There is something to be said for being connected.

But I would also like to say that there is something to be said for not being connected.

Of course, we sometimes have to move quickly (but not rush). But other times, being relaxed, casual and laid back is called for.

Rushing through a meal or rushing through an art gallery just doesn't make any sense. Rushing through a picnic doesn't make sense.

We are designed for activity and then rest. And it is my opinion that rest is more important than then activity.

Think about it. The universe began from stillness. The high jumper or 100 yard dash begins from a point of rest. In rest, we are refreshed and renewed. There is also a creative process and preparatory creative process that begins in rest.

The best time to do something challenging is not when you are all tired, burned out and spent. The best time is when you are rested, fresh and revitalized.

Everyone knows that we need rest. That's why there are rules about the number of hours that can be worked before mandatory rest in the airlines for pilots, on the railroads for train crews, and on the highways for truck drivers.

There is a beautiful passage in the Psalms. "
Evening, morning and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he will hear my voice.
Psalm 55:17

Evening, and morning and at noon. Notice that it begins with evening. It is amazing that it does not say morning, noon and night. The order is changed to first evening, then morning and noon.

This phrase is also seen in the creation story in the Book of Genesis. In other words, the day begins in the evening--a time for reflection and spending time with God. Then after a refreshing restful sleep, only then the activities ensue.

The day begins with an evening spent with God. Rest is very important. And bear in mind that rest does not mean just sleep. We call it R & R --rest and relaxation. Rest includes not only sleep but also relaxation, includes quiet time, reflection, being still, meditating, and even going for a stroll in the woods or sitting out on the porch and hearing the birds sing.

I heard an expert on stress and on electronic radiation say that we need to rest our bodies away from the fields generated by electrical appliances, radios, computers, cell phones, wi fi and so on.

Our bodies need complete restful rest.

Therefore I encourage you all to begin thinking about resting your body away from electrical fields. Our mind needs rest too. I encourage you not to be connected all the time.

Your mind cannot rest and relax when it is constantly bombarded or interrupted with info.

And, yes, the soul needs rest, restoration, and refreshing too.

In my opinion, because it worked (and still works) for me, I recommend the meditation that Roland offers for free. It is a very nice way of detaching from outside impingement and reconnecting with our ground of being within.

And while I'm on the topic of external impingement from being connected all the time, let me mention that most of us have a habit that is even more disquieting. We are connected all the time to our worries, doubts, fears, and pipedreams--reliving the past, rehearsing the future, planning, scheming and dreaming.

We get lost in the thought stream and get swept away by incessant internal images and chatter. After a busy day (or one where we reacted emotionally) we lay down and can't sleep because the day keeps replaying in our mind.

Most of us try to quiet the chatter by distracting ourselves, suppressing the thoughts, drowning them in some music, self medicating with alcohol, or struggling with the thoughts. But here is what happens--when we feel impinged upon, we start to resent the thoughts and this makes us uneasy and nervous.

Resentment destabilizes us and makes us even more out of control. The meditation will teach you three things: First it teaches you how to stand back and separate, instead of having your consciousness submerged in the thought steam. It teaches you to stand back and observe the thoughts or images without getting lost in them.

Second, it reminds you to observe without resentment.

Three, it also helps you to be calmer and learn how to go out into the world and observe people, places, and situations without reacting to them emotionally. You will learn how to be a coworker, partner or parent without being so close emotionally. It reminds you to remain somewhat detached and to observe people's errors or wrongs without resenting or hating them. Thus, you will be more composed and calm as you go through life. Being less emotional, more patient, and less involved, you will not have all the external garbage leak in.

When you react emotionally (or resent), the outside get on the inside. From its new home in you it then torments you and takes away your ease. Being calmer, you simply take in less of the scene.

You will discover that if you meet the moment properly, there is simply nothing of it that sticks.

Nothing of it gets inside and then keeps calling for review or changing. It is only when we meet the moment improperly (with resentment or excitement) that it leaves baggage in our mind.

A day well lived and moments well met will leave nothing to bother you.

Presently, you go through life getting upset and resentful, and reacting to other's temptations and demands emotionally. It gets inside and then sticks in your craw. You must discover that it is simply not necessary to get emotionally worked up over things. You can work and recreate without emotional hype. You can relate to people better when you so emotional, upset or angry. It is possible and preferable to enjoy a modest satisfaction from your work, enjoy your partner and kids, and enjoy a modest pleasure and joy in recreation.

When you begin to meditate properly, you will find objectivity. You will stand back and observe people, circumstances and thoughts objectively. In this objective state (instead of the subjective egotistical one), you will be amenable to sound instruction.

You will begin to see the benefit of forgiving, of being patient, of discerning instead of judging, and of living intuitively, seeking to do what is right instead of what is selfish. You will observe that you will now have these sound instructions coming to mind during the day, as you go about your business, and you will be able to live them more and more. There are many benefits of the proper meditation.

You will become more and more your own person, and increasingly calm and composed.

And should you occasionally mess up and become resentful or upset, you will be able to stand back and observe the remnants in the form of images, replays, and emotions. Though they are troubling and unpleasant, you will be able to remain distant to them until they run their course and dwindle down. You will have learned a lesson--why you should not become upset or resentful.

Can you see that although resting the body, exercising, going for walks, not always being connected and so on are very good advice, you also need to take it to the next level?

The next level is learning the simple art of disconnecting from thought and learning to disconnect from the emotions and passions that chain you into sticky relationships, unhealthy emotions, and incessant mental chatter and a parade of images.

The soul which learns how to be fair, calm and patient with others, and the soul that remains aware (instead of lost in pipe dreams) will meet life properly and have have no residue at the end of the day to deal with.
Treat your body right. Eat well. Enjoy some R and R, and learn to meditate.
Hey, it worked for me.

Mike's Story: Part 8 How He Survived Emotional Abuse, Anxiety and Childhood Trauma

2010-09-27T16:34:00.000-07:00

This is installment 8 of Mike's story

Hello, everyone. My name is Mike and this is my story.

Actually it is the story of every man and every woman. The circumstances are different, but the way in which we came to lose our true self, joy and a life of adventure is similar from person to person. The only difference between people is that some keep going back to the same ol' same ol'--whereas for others of us, thank goodness--suffering makes us cry out and search for true answers.

Here's part 8 of my story.

If something could take away doubt, fear and anxiety, wouldn't you be better off? And by extension, it would also take away worry. Then how about the horrible sense of mistrust and anxiety about what others are planning to do?

Many a child has suddenly had his parents announce they were getting a divorce, or that "we're sending you away for your own good" to a ranch for troublemakers, or taking you to a psychiatrist. Even as an adult, 50 years later, the fundamental distrust and anxiety, born of childhood experiences, keeps coming back. But how about if you knew you were loved, and that there was someone who cared about you as a person and would never let you down? Then how about if you no longer had to worry, fret, plan and scheme for the future?

What if you could be like a kid on an amusement ride at Disneyland or Knotts Berry Farm? It was going to be a fun ride, maybe even a little scary, but you could just sit back and relax and enjoy it because you knew you were safe.

How about if life were like sitting in the observation car of one of America's fine passenger trains around 1960. You could just relax, enjoy the sights and the beauty of America and enjoy the ride. When you were a little child, if your home was safe and your parents decent, you actually enjoyed something like what is described above. Each day was a wonderful discovery. You didn't know what was coming, but whatever it was, you knew that mom and dad would be there, and you were fearless and looked forward to new adventures. In other words you tasted of a blessed state of mind when you were a little child before you were emotionalized, terrorized and traumatized. Now you must re-find that blessed state.

It exists in the here and now, and it awaits the child of God ready to begin returning to the Father we have never known.

We were not created to live in fear and doubt. We were created to live in a paradise right here on earth. We were meant to walk with God, as is said of some of the ancient prophets, and to live a life of joyous discovery of God's great green earth and of His handiwork. We were meant to come to know Him.

You were created for a purpose you are yet to discover. Before delving in more of what happened to you that destabilized you and took you away from your pre-ordained purpose, let me share something beautiful with you. We were created to know God and discover of Him.

First we were meant to discover and find delight in God's creation, whereby we know and live in awe of His creative genius. But to learn of God means to also learn of His mercy, lovingkindness, and patience.

Here is the beautiful thing I want to share with you. You have learned of human cruelty and deceitfulness, because you have experienced it firsthand. You have learned of treachery, cruelty, viciousness, and abuse. You have learned of the hardness of heart of others, and of the heartlessness and arbitrariness of authority.

You have also learned of the falsity, emptiness and destructiveness of much of so-called "help." You have tried education, knowledge, drugs, therapy, organized religion and spirituality, rituals, groups, and other varieties of human help.

Though some of these helpers were sincere or meant well, it was often misguided, misdiagnosed, or palliative. At best it was a temporary helping hand, but something was still missing. But there is a value in all of this. Suffering. It was only through suffering that you began to question the way you were going.

And it was only by trying all the help out there, and then continuing to suffer or become dependent and debilitated, that you came to see that there is no love or understanding out there.

In other words, suffering softened your pride and made you amenable to take a good hard look at yourself. And the false help of others soured you on worldly love and made you yearn for real love and healthy independence.

At this point in its suffering, the soul is softened and is in a state of questioning. God answers the silent cry of the soul, and the first touch of His help is objectivity. The soul is raised out of the morass of thinking and emotions, up to where it is able to see in the clear light of reality the way things really are.

And the first things that the soul will see are its own wrongs, especially resentment of others, pride and willfulness. It will see its own secret judgmental nature and how it has become cruel and phony, just like the ones it had hated. Being pained by and regretting what it sees about itself, the soul is repented in the Light.

The person will also see the world the way it is: with people everywhere struggling and sinking in confusion and a snake pit of judging and being judged, deceiving and being deceived, using and being used. Everywhere there is treachery and confusion. There is very little understanding or love out there; mostly use and abuse, and people finding ways of denying their own wrong.

Seeing all of this, the soul is disabused of its illusions and shriven of its belief and dependency on human help. Now the person is readied to start afresh, humbled, contrite, and ready to do things God's way instead if its old willful resentful way.

Now the person has a restored rapport with intuition (which it used to know as conscience) now its constant companion. This intuition is always there like a pleasant strain of music. It provides present-sight and foresight. For each moment, the person sees just enough to move rightly and avoid the wrong move. It also provides hindsight (in the form of being secretly made aware of one's own prior error), so that you can be sorry for it and then see and understand where you went wrong.

Now experiencing the touch of God, the person knows for sure that God exists. The person knows for sure that he or she had been wrong and is incapable of being right. Now the person looks to God for guidance and welcomes that help.

Now can you see the beautiful thing?

By having suffered, the soul is softened to receive grace. By hating, judging, and being stubborn, and then doubting and denying God, a person becomes very wrong. And when the soul is repentant and sorry, it then experiences God's mercy and forgiveness. By having one's life restored and by being given the time for a second chance to now handle properly what one once mishandled, the person experiences the patience and lovingkindness of God.

Moreover, being familiar with being hated or falsely loved, the person now more appreciates true love when God extends it. Having been very wrong and having made a big mess out of everything, the person is now grateful to be extended grace and see his or her life made right. Love, mercy, kindness, patience are much more appreciated.

Not only that, but when you experience the touch of God and know that He is ever nigh, there is nothing that could be more comforting to the soul. Plus, now there is hope and a bright future--not one you have to give yourself or huff and puff and scheme for--but one that comes about naturally and with ever new delights and surprises, because of God's love and providence.

As one New Testament writer says: "If God be for me, who can be against me, "

Now that you know of the good news, and now that you know that no matter how wrong or extreme a state you have gotten yourself into, there is always hope, by the grace of God, of recovery--you won't mind seeing where you went wrong.

Christ said: "With man it would be impossible, but with God , nothing is impossible."

Now that you know about the potential happy ending, let's continue breaking down what went wrong so you can see how it came about.

When you were pressured, like most of us are, you began to have self doubts and began to second guess yourself. The pressure from parents, teachers and other authorities made life no longer a matter of pure joy, but of being careful, of not saying the wrong thing, of not making a mistake, of not angering them, displeasing or disappointing them.

And when treatment was administered by strangers and impatient people, you began to fear what they would do to you. And even if they didn't do anything bad to you, there was always the threat of something bad happening to you because they were unpredictable, arbitrary, volatile, or they had little or no understanding.

They were impatient and tended to become angry when things didn't work out as they wanted, and they then increased the dose or the pressure. They upped the ante and took their intervention to the next level.

If things got worse or you had other issues, your parents may have threatened to leave you, since you were "so much trouble." Soon, instead of pure joy and adventure, it was a question of getting by with a little help from your friends, banding together with peers who who in the same boat as you, or just surviving your dad's abuse,your mother's temper, the bullies at school, and the insane pressure of the system.

Life became like a pressure cooker. Worse, you dared not to be yourself and reveal your true self. Whatever you said was used against you.

Surprisingly, if you were mistreated and abused, and you developed a deep distrust for others, you are actually better off than the child who was smothered with sympathy and condolences. The emotional sympathy and the consoling supportive love of others is not only draining, but it is addicting. It is the kind of comfort and false love that disables and makes a person dependent and afraid of living. It never permits you to recover, because it actually nurtures and supports what is wrong with you, including any sickness you may have had.

Those of you who were kicked around and hated will find the dark side of consoling sympathy hard to believe, but only the one who has experienced first hand the sticky sick draining love of an overshadowing evil can know the horror of having someone falsely loving you in this way.

We have all experienced human love--one extreme of the other. We fell for it, we craved it, we wanted it. But when we got it, we were worse off. If we hated and resented and rejected people, our resentment of them made us feel guilty and soon we craved their false love to take away the guilt.

Now you know why, in my previous post, I said that I learned to avoid the extremes of love and hate.

Find the middle ground, where you can have an attitude of friendly neutrality. Do not crave the love of the world. Meditate to go within and find the love of your Creator instead.

Now that you know what happened to you, just don't hate the ones who did it to you. They could not help themselves. And don't resent yourselves for having fallen for them and then hated them. Forgive and forget. Make it unimportant. Let it all go.

Now, on to a bright future full of adventures and real living.

"Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the LORD. Jeremiah 9:23 and 24 (NIV) . For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Philipians 2:13 (NIV)

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Mike's Story: Part 7 How I Overcame Bipolar and Social Anxiety By Discovering How To Forgive and Not Worry Through Meditation

2010-09-21T18:29:00.000-07:00

This is installment 7 of Mike's story.

Hello, everyone, I keep adding disorders to the title of my story because I had so many issues. Like when I was a kid and a teenager I was shy. Inside I felt painfully shy. I got over it. But now they would give me a label and call my shyness an anxiety disorder or perhaps social phobia disorder. Whatever you want to call it, I outgrew it.

But I want to move on from my childhood and teen and young adult issues. They are gone and forgotten. Of course I remember everything that happened, but only for the purposes of giving you a laundry list of issues I successfully dealt with and telling what worked for me. Otherwise I never think of them, and if I do, there is no emotion involved.

Now I live in the beautiful blessed present. Like the beautiful lines of Sanskrit poetry: "Each today, well-lived, makes yesterday a dream of happiness and each tomorrow a vision of hope. Look, therefore, to this one day, for it and it alone is life."

Incidentally, you too can also find this beautiful blessed present which is all around you right now. But now you are undoubtedly too lost between your ears--reliving the past and worrying about the future. Once you had a blithe carefree spirit. Remember? It was when you were a little child, before the world managed to upset you and traumatize you.

Once upon a time, you leapt from bed and ran barefoot (as Roland always says) to meet the day and explore and have adventures. I hope that my story will help you to see that something has gone wrong.

By learning how to meet life without over-reacting, you can learn to go through life as an observer, so that the world and all its craziness and cruelty does not penetrate you anymore. That way you can re-find and reclaim your place in the beautiful present. Right now I want to talk about belief and how most of us are confounded and confused by others who parade around with knowledge and who make us feel inferior and wrong.

Once you are convinced that you they have the answers, you doubt yourself: and then you basically hand over your mind, body and soul to them. When you feel wrong and full of self doubt, and they act sophisticated, clever, righteous and knowledgeable, you will just give up your selfhood and go along with whatever they say. You will get in line at the trough of education, for example, and you will believe that ambitiously gobbling knowledge is the way to success.

Once you doubt yourself, the only way to become anything at all is do as they say and the only thing you can become is like them. The worldly ambitious types stay on the treadmill leading to guilt and possible job burn out. They keep believing that everything is getting better and that through knowledge, they can become great and solve all their problems. These are the achievers, the wanna bees, the conformists, who go along to get along and enjoy the perks that go to those who don't rock the boat.

But some of us don't feel right about being ambitious and knocking others down to build ourselves up. So we resent the goody two shoes and the ones who curry favor with teacher or do whatever boss says (even if it is dishonest and sneaky). Our mistake is becoming resentful, because the resentment (being wrong) makes us feel inferior and guilty. So we doubt ourselves all the more--since we feel so wrong--it makes the ones we resented look all that more right.

Some resentful ones become the drop outs (while their conformist brothers become the cop outs). The angry drop outs become the n'er do wells, drug addicts, or addicted to losing themselves in music, marijuana, video games, or some other distraction. Others who don't make the grade just conform and take some small job or work the system, getting by with drugs, alcohol, and marijuana to ease the guilt for resenting, copping out and failing.

The ambitious ones are secretly glad to see so many drop outs and cop outs (who they created), because it gives them a steady flow of students, clients, or customers to "help." The drop outs look bad, and the cop outs feel self righteous in comparison. Plus they can keep inventing new techniques to try to help the drop outs. Meanwhile, the drop outs just get worse, needing more treatment, becoming more dependent and secretly more resentful because of the helps that doesn't really help.

Meanwhile the drop outs feel self righteous too, when they compare themselves to the ones who take advantage of them. The drop outs feel self righteous in their poverty or misery. They secretly judge and blame the hypocrisy and wrong doings of the ones that lord it over them. As society degenerates, more and more people are at one extreme or the other, joining the ranks of the haves or have nots, the victimizers and the victims.

There are fewer and fewer people in the middle, who provide good service, do an honest days work for an honest day's pay and who prosper and then use their gain to truly help others. In anger, the victims may join gangs and begin to commit crimes, thereby victimizing others and becoming victimizers themselves.

In order the survive the holocaust going on around you, you need to be able to see clearly and trust in your clear seeing. In other words, you have to trust what your own eyes show you and what your hunch about others tells you, so that you won't doubt yourself and fall for their schemes. The wordily ones convinced you that you were crazy for seeing that they were crazy. They treated you like the ugly duckling (in the fairy tale) who was actually a beautiful swan. .

Now you must see that by seeing them for what they were, you were not crazy at all. Your mistake was becoming resentful and doubting yourself. That's all. You must scan constantly, ever watchful for the truth of things, the rightness of things. You have to learn not to believe things just because someone said so. Nor must you be impressed just because they say the right things. They may be using truths to bait their hook. You must learn to stand back and observe others with a neutral nonjudgmental discerning attitude. It is your fail-safe protection from deceit.

You must learn to observe calmly without emotions. You must let go of both love and hate. Emotions are deceitful, and through emotions we get all kinds of wrong ideas, do dumb things and fail to see where we go wrong. You must learn to be a little bit distant, not so involved emotionally with others. You must learn not to be uplifted by praise of offended by criticism. Don't hate others on the one hand, and don't feel sorry for others on the other. You must not fall to love or hate.

You have to wean yourself from all emotional and other supports you have become dependant on. Any kind of emotional support or comfort lowers awareness and sets you up for the next scam or your next error. This does not mean that you have to be a recluse or that you must reject others.

Egos always tend to go to extremes. We hate someone and then we feel so guilty that we then give ourselves to them totally. When we are hurt and used again, we then vow to never get close to anyone again, but then we feel so empty and lonely that we rush out and get involved with wrong people again.

You don't have to be a recluse or act like a saint. You can be a regular person. You can still be a husband, wife, mom, dad, student, do business, make a living, work with others, have nice things, do sports and recreation and so on--enjoying the good things of life. It's just a question of flowing from within instead of reacting to the outside. And it's a question of being more calm and less emotional. Friendly but not too close to others. And so on. I learned all of these things and more.

As you can see, initially there are not a lot of things to learn: mainly to be aware, calm, and have an attitude of friendly neutrality. Wanting to do what is right, but not knowing what the right is. Waiting poised, and then all of a sudden you will know. . ,.

Thus you will become more spontaneous and begin to naturally do what is right, instead of like in the past where you naturally lusted after the wrong. The other thing, and this is very important, is learning to be patient with others--seeing their error without judging or resenting them for it. You have to start somewhere.

In my opinion, the best place to start is with the meditation like Roland has for free. His meditation basically shows you how to calm down and begin to trust more in what you wordlessly know in your heart, and less in what everyone else says. It shows you how to be less emotional and angry and resentful. It shows you how to start living in the moment instead of the past.

And importantly, it helps you to respond properly to what surfaces from the past (past baggage) without overreacting to it or suppressing it. Hey, it helped me. Now I'm more my own man. And it's fun to discover and learn. It's fun not to be addicted. And it's fun to not be resentful toward others. Do I still have to face the little problems that life throws our way: bills, car issues, relationship issues, how to make a living, and questions that need to be answered? Of course I do.

I have learned how to be concerned without being worried. When something comes along that is troublesome, I watch it. In the past I would repress or suppress it, or try to distract myself.

And when it couldn't be avoided and had to be seen, I didn't know how to be aware of something without worrying about it. Now, thanks to the meditation, I have learned how to watch, bear the discomfort, and wait until the problems goes away, solves itself, or I know what to do. I trust that my intuition will be there and that it will wordlessly nudge me when I fall into excessive thought and forget to be aware.

When I need a little gentle nudge in the right direction. I trust it will be there to wordlessly give me a hunch when something is not quite right about something or someone, so I can just back off and remain safe. It's like the old expression "don't just do something. Sit there."

Of course there are times when we need to act. But in the past most of us rolled up our sleeves and made a mess of things. Then we went to the other extreme of procrastinating out of fear of making another mess. Now I know how to wait for the intuition to do something and then to flow from grace instead reacting and then moving in anger or impatience. Like I said, most of us are bewitched by external authorities and we get caught up in their personalities and their intrigues.

After they mislead us, we get enmeshed in the consequences of the things that went wrong, and soon we we hate them for misleading us, and this is yet another distraction to keep us from Truth.

Learn how to go in your room and sit quietly, practicing the art of being still. Begin the day with the meditation and a renewed free will desire to live according to principle (being truthful and being patient with others). Then you will move gracefully through the day without conflict or the build up of tension.

Roland's comments Thanks, Mike. I appreciate your bearing witness to practices and principles that really work. Most religions and philosophies talk about the Eternal Now, living in the present, being more forgiving and so on. Christianity, in particular, exhorts us to admit the truth (repentance) about our secret resentful attitude and advises us to forgive others. These principles can have a totally transformative effect on a person's life. Some people can completely turn their life around in a very short time when they have a change of heart and mind and start being patient (forgiving) with others.

This transformative change results in a complete make over of one's life, including attitude and mental state. This in turn has a positive effect on relationships and health. It begins in the soul.

I happen to know that Mike, and he won't mind my saying this, completely changed his life around within a few days, and the positive changes continued to accrue thereafter. Why did being sorry for his prior resentful attitude and why did becoming forgiving toward others change his life permanently, whereas others never change? Others make surface changes, but soon go back to their old ways.

Others, alas, appear to make big changes. Indeed they may stop taking drugs, get away from bad companions, and so on. This is good, but because underneath, nothing has changed, they don't really get better. Their ego still hangs onto pride--they just substitute rituals and study for alcohol, or "nice" music for "bad" music.

They have to keep reaffirming that they have changed, but if they were to stop their study, their rituals, their music, their chanting, or their affirmations, the hypnosis would begin to break down and they would be exposed to the truth. Some such people secretly feel like frauds and one day go back to their old ways which they feel are more honest.

Others are enslaved to keeping up the charade. They just can't (because they won't) admit they haven't found the real thing. In other words, their acceptance of the principles and truths was based on emotion. It was shallow and had an element of face saving in it.

The reason it worked for Mike is because he was sincere about wanting to change and was willing to admit the truth. This permitted him to realize the truth deeply. Therefore the truth penetrated.

In fact, it was the Truth, deeply realized, that made the changes, not any effort on Mike's part. Do you now see that Truth has the power to save? And that it is by faith (believing into the inwardly realized truth) and not be works? Can you see why external words, when augmented by rhetoric or nice music, can lead to a shallow emotional acceptance of truth?

Can you see how study of religious works or even scriptures can lead to an intellectual acceptance of truth. This intellectual acceptance leads to pride (and guilt). Intellectual or emotional acceptance of truth can, and usually does, block realization. But it is only realization of Truth by one's soul--inwardly, wordlessly and deeply--that saves. First comes realization, then our being responds to the inwardly realized Truth, and then we act on what we realize.

Afterwards, we then see many good reasons for following the truth we obeyed and acted on. We are also able to think about and speak about the truth we realized. Truth thus extends from the center of our soul into our entire mind, emotions, and body.

But prideful study puts the cart before the horse. External teachers trick us into studying and accepting rote words. We then become blocked from realizing, and we become guilty and addicted to more study doled out by the external authorities.

Our authority becomes an external book or teacher instead of the wordless Word in our heart. .
In Mike's case, when he realized the truth deeply, he then acted on his realizations so that the principles of honesty, patience and forgiveness extended through his being. Others, though hearing the same principles, hear them in a shallow way. They cling to some vestige of pride or there is something they don't want to give up, so it stays shallow and never penetrates. They hear the principles and even pay lip service to them, Either they don't act on what they hear, or else their actions are for show or to placate truth.

Mike was sincere. His suffering had softened his soul so that he was ready to receive the truth deeply. He also wanted to change, and realized that he could not make himself better. He cried out for because he wanted to be a better person and did not want to resent others anymore. He wanted to come clean regardless of the consequences.

He also found that the proper meditation practice helped him to be calm and aware by coming up out of hypnosis to the reality and truth he had been avoiding his whole life but now wanted to know. And God answered the cry of His child.

The letter killeth, but the Spirit giveth life.Who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life. (2 Corinthians 3:6 KJV)

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. (Matthew 23:25-26 NIV )

This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time, declares the Lord. I will put my laws in their minds and write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people. (Heb 8:10 NIV)

Be ye therefore transformed by the renewing of your mind. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2 NASB )

Be still, and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10 KJV) Learn more about the meditation .

Mike's Story--Part 6 How He Overcame Mental Disorders and Found Happiness, Health, and Wholeness

2010-09-19T14:11:00.001-07:00

This is installment 6 of Mike's story of how he overcame depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder and other issues.

Hello, everyone.

This is Mike.

Yesterday I went to one of my favorite resource sites Shirley's Wellness Cafe to look up healing crisis. Some of the doctors cited there made the point that when the body is in the process of throwing off toxicity, imbalance or sickness, it begins a healing crisis.

Many of the symptoms that occur, such as fever, vomiting, runny nose, eczema and so on may be symptoms of the healing crisis. it takes a wise doctor with understanding in such matters, as well as a good knowledge of the patient and his/her history to interpret when the symptoms are the healing crisis. In simple terms, the body wants to detoxify itself.

For example, we have all had the situation where we ate something tainted, and soon our tummy feels bad. We continue to feel bad until we finally throw up. It's a relief, and afterwards we feel better.

Aristotle spoke of the the catharsis. Upon watching a play, the pathos builds emotion, until a resolution of the tension and drama occurs. The viewer experiences a catharsis, a release of the pent up emotion, then a denouement or resolution of tension.

In life, we sometimes experience an abreaction (or a venting of pent up trapped emotions) of some traumatic memory. Sometimes this abreaction or vicarious reliving of the trauma memory results in a resolution and closure. This is a very good thing. Sometimes, however, the abreaction does release pent up emotion, but it is just a temporary thing. Later the trauma continues to torment, and there will be other explosions or suppression, without resolution.

I believe that why some such abreactions result in permanent recovery and others do not has to do with whether or not the person has a profound change in attitude and change in belief that permits the mind to be able to resolve the old trauma once and for all and then face future life events without forming new traumas.

I also believe that permanent spiritual and mental well being is dependent on this change, and it is dependent on the Creator. Just as we cannot give ourselves well being, peace of mind, and joy through some manipulations (peace of mind, and joy are gifts from God for being patient with others).

Likewise, we cannot bring about the healing catharsis and profound change without the presence of something else to trigger, catalize, and mediate the process. It is also my opinion that the hand of man is too clumsy and not subtle or pure enough to do it right. Surely, a good person, a minister, or a psychologist might get the ball rolling; but any permanent restoration and recovery is most likely from our Creator having been there to help (without our even knowing it).

A great man once said that there is a one plus one of metaphysics. One by itself is stagnant; but when you add another one, then you have something new: two. One by itself cannot bring about the life changing changes without the Presence of God's Light. By acknowledging and loving that light, instead of fighting its redeeming pain, we make ourselves amenable to change. This Light is like the catalyst that changes without itself being changed.

Change begins in the spirit, but our rehabilitation and reformation are made perfect (complete) in emotions, mind and body when we are patient (forgiving toward) with our neighbor. Again, the one plus one is evident. Just as a person cannot learn to drive a car without a car to practice on, likewise a person must extend the principle of patience (forgiveness) by actually going out in the world and being patient with people.

By being patient with others, the spiritual principle of patience then becomes a new pattern and is extended into all of one's physical being. Relating what I have just said to myself, I got through lots of issues, outgrew many, basically grew up and matured, and was fortunate to not have to undergo trial and error treatments that might have harmed me.

Given time, I matured and made great progress. But it was now time for the kind of change that would take me the rest of the way. I guess you could say that I came along way on my own, but reached a point where I saw that I could not make myself better. I was thus ready. It began with some insights, then a yearning to change, followed by a change of heart and a change in belief.

After that, spiritual recovery began with a healing crisis, a purging, and then at each point, a sense of renewed hope and joy. Before I go into more specifics about my own life, I wish to lay just a little more groundwork to make it easier to understand what I am talking about.

Remember, I said the key changes were to depend on some insights and then profound change in belief and in attitude. It is well known among the helping professions that alcoholics, drug addicts, and others with major destructive patterns only change for the better permanently when they really see the need for change and really want to. It has to be a deep, sincere and profound realization and desire.

Many are on and off the wagon repeatedly, or keep falling back into old destructive patterns because their insights and desire is not deep enough and sincere enough. I'm sorry to say that many people are so stubborn that they never change. Even when their life is in ruins, with health destroyed, loved ones suffering, and everything in shambles, they still find a way to deny reality, justify and excuse themselves or blame someone else. Even the best of us are prideful and stubborn.

Many of us literally have to end up in the gutter before the blessed moment occurs that we cry uncle. When we see what we have done to another and regret what we see, or when we are just sick and tired of being sick and tired. But this profound change of heart permits God's Light of Truth to penetrate and begin the process of repentance.

You see, God's Light is always there. We know it as conscience, whereby we wordlessly sense we have erred. We also know it as a wordless hunch, sometimes gently moving us in the right direction or wordlessly stopping us from getting involved in some danger. But mostly, we ignore it and don't even know it is there.

We are too lost in our imagination, busy planning the future, rearranging or reliving the past, and trying to scheme ourselves out of our messes. It is there seeking to quietly show us that we are not living properly, but we doubt and deny it. Thus, though we all sense conscience, most of us never let it penetrate. We keep it at bay with rationalization,s emotions, drugs, and with the help of supporting reassurances of other soldiers of fortune (who are also not living properly).

God does not violate our freedom. His Light is there, but it never forces itself on us. Thus, with the help of friends, emotions, drugs, and compensations we continue to go through life like a bull in a china shop, justifying ourselves, making a mess of things, and damning anyone who criticizes us.

What we don't realize is that we are actually engaged in a battle against God. Don't be alarmed by this statement. It just happens to be true that we don't know that when we are trying to deny conscience and justify ourselves, we are denying God and His help. Now can you see why the so called help of the world--which always arrives an supports you, comforts you , reassures you and reassures you in one way or the other is just helping your ego deny God and His help?

Now perhaps you are ready to see what I mean when I talk about a sincere willingness to change and how this capitulation to conscience ushers in profound changes for the good. When the person is sincerely willing to admit he or she is wrong, this sincere change permits conscience to begin to penetrate. Now instead of trying to justify self and save face, the soul is quietly willing to see the truth without fighting or resenting it, this signals a capitulation to God and God's light of Truth. Hostilities cease.

God in His great mercy also provides an accompanying realization. The person not only sees now that he is wrong, but he or she also realizes that he or she cannot make himself better. This is a helpless sadness. The person regrets what he sees but also sees that he is powerless to make himself better.

This is the moment that begins the process which the Christians call repentance. A willingness results in profound insight. And this leads to the pain of seeing that one is wrong. The pain becomes a helpless regret. It is a sad/glad. The person is glad to see that he is wrong, but glad to come completely clean.

In a nutshell, that's what I experienced. Over a period of weeks or months I began to question my life and the way I was going. I yearned for something. I did not know what I was yearning for. But it was truth and for myself to somehow and in some way become right.

Have you ever seen a spoiled person who does naughty things and throws a fit when he doesn't get his way. But everyone either humors him or enables him. Others appease him. Some see that he is wrong, but don't have the love to intervene. This only makes the wrong person contemptuous. Others correct with such anger, viciousness or hypocrisy that it only hardens the spoiled person in his wrong, since he or she can see that the one who is doing the correcting is wrong too.

What the spoiled person really needs and really wants deep down is for someone to stop him with love. Someone who is firm but not angry, and real and not hypocritical. Someone who has the courage of conviction, who has the insight to see what the spoiled person really needs and, and someone who has the love to intervene. But it must be without anger or self righteousness. It must be with true love.

Many of us, especially those of us who are thoughtful, yearn for such correction. We sense that we are out of control and behaving badly, but who will correct us? We have contempt for those who are weak and supportive of us. They are naive and we are tempted to hold them in contempt. Others see our wrong, but they secretly judge us. Some try to correct us but do so with anger.

Eventually some of us are persistent enough in our search for truth, sincere enough in our yearning for what is good, and willing enough to admit we are wrong that we open our heart and mind to conscience. In our hearts, we see our wrong and are sorry.

At this point we don't even know what it is God Who has drawn near and is beginning to help us. We do not realize that it is God, our Heavenly Father Who we have never known) who has heard the cry of His child. The cry of the soul is silent and without complaint. We cry Abba, Father! And He answers.

Later we begin to see where the help is coming from. But at first, all we know is that a change for the better has begun, one in which a catharsis and purging has begun. We feel better, we are chastened, and shriven. We see that all our struggles and compensations were foolish, and we are glad to relax and be relieved of our wrong.

At this point we are like a baby, who cries, and whose cries are answered by the parents who minister to his needs. The baby does not realize who they are, but they respond to his cries and help him. Later he will grow to know who they are.

In the same way, we will one day grow to know who our Help is. I have talked about a change of heart--a willingness to see the truth and admit wrong--that opens the way for real change, a change implemented and managed by God. But at this point we don't even know what is going on or just Who is helping us or even that we are being helped. All we know is that we are sick and tired of being sick and tired, and we want to know the truth regardless of the consequences. We sense that something good is added to our life and we reached a turning point.

The next important thing to talk about is belief and how belief is the fulcrum, the tipping point that inclines a soul toward or away from truth. Mike

Thanks, Mike. I couldn't have said it better myself. I look forward to installment 7. Roland

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Mike's Story: Part 5 How He Overcame Anxiety

2010-09-13T09:38:00.000-07:00

This is installment 5 of Mike's Story about his recovery from anxiety and other issues.

Hello, everyone, This is my true life story.

I overcame anxiety and other mental and emotional issues without drugs or therapy. I'm not saying that everyone can do what I did (but I frankly think many can). But mine is a success story, and I have as much right to my opinion as anyone else. So here goes. My story is going to be a book.

I have 14 installments already (basically 14 chapters). I asked Dr. Trujillo to publish them right away on his blog so people can read and possibly benefit from my experiences. I'm not saying you have to read all 14 installments or any of them, but if someone like me who is just a regular person (perhaps like you) overcame some significant issues, why wouldn't you be curious?

What else would you rather do than read what a successful survivor has to say?

My anxiety was basically three types. First, a basic lack of self confidence and thus fear of doing new things. Second, fear of messing up because I was yelled at and accused of being stupid/lazy/clumsy/bad/useless when I was a kid. So there is that old programming. Another type of fear of messing up was from having been teased at school. And there is also anxiety that I brought on myself by over-reacting to small bad experiences, and thus embarrassing myself and conditioning myself to over-react again (and then be anxious when a similar situation came along).

Third, there was anxiety connected with obsessions and compulsions--basically a voice saying something negative and that something bad would happen if I didn't do something, and a terrible anxiety that would be there until I did some ritual to undo it.

You know--the old "walk under a ladder brings bad luck," or "step on a crack and break your mother's back" which I heard other kids mention. But when you add emotion to it, and then accidentally step on a crack in the sidewalk, and then when an ominous feeling comes and a suggestion that you need to touch a tree ten times or count to 10, it can become hard to resist.

I know it sounds silly (like having to perfectly arrange your shoes before you go to bed, otherwise something "bad" would happen).

But believe me, when there is anxiety, a voice saying it, and an ominous feeling associated with something like this, a person can become quite compulsive about their rituals. I didn't mean to dwell on this one, but I think this is important because so many people struggle with this sort of thing, especially when they are kids.

Let me just say that I simply outgrew my childhood obsessions and compulsions. By the time I was a teen, they were gone without therapy and without meds.

A couple of types of anxiety did remain to occasionally rear their head. But they are manageable. They are due to deep childhood trauma (sustained by anger and resentment), and the spirit of doubt ( a spiritual factor) that is always there, taking advantage of any wavering faith, to make us doubt and fear. I've learned to stand back, watch it, and not deal with it in any way. Then it goes away. I talk about this elsewhere in my book.

But let me just say that self doubt is something we all have to deal with. How we deal with it depends on our nature (whether we tend to be aggressive or not), how deep childhood trauma went, and what compensations we employ. To overcome self doubt, some people study and get lots of knowledge and degrees; other build big muscles; some lean on others for reassurance, and others acquire a lot of money or things.

One lady makes having a successful party too important (because her self esteem depends on it) and then feels anxiety if the biscuits get burned because burned biscuits mean to her that she is a failure and worthless. Another person needs to be popular and slim, because not being popular or trim means something very negative.

Is it our ego, childhood programming, conditioning, what others will say, or a voice in our mind? No matter which--our lives revolve around a theme of faith and doubt, confidence and lack of confidence, and then what compensations, compulsions, actions or evasions we employ to deal with these issues. I will also say that fear is physical and anxiety is psychic. Emotions affect the body and brain. Anxiety affects our consciousness.

Anxiety is psychic. A person can feel fear, frustration, anger, feel like running, feel nervous or sad and so on. These are emotions which affect body and brain. Because they affect the brain, they affect thinking. Emotion draws thoughts. Fear makes you think about running. Anger makes you think of mean things to do. Frustrated makes you think negative thoughts. And the negative thoughts then impel another round of feeling. Feel, think, feel think--it's a vicious cycle.

Here is an insight I had: anxiety is psychic. It affects the consciousness.

Look at any situation where you have anxiety and you will notice two stages. First there is the feeling or thought, then the anxiety. Here's an example. A person gets angry and then thinks hostile thoughts. He then experiences anxiety that he might actually do something hostile.

The anger and resulting hostile thoughts affected the body and brain. The anxiety is psychic--affecting the consciousness. For example, a person gets a mosquito bite, he notices the bite when he scratches; and then (because he just saw an article on Wikipedia about black widows), he thinks it might be a black widow spider bite, and here comes the anxiety. Another example. One person began shaking when she was giving a speech. Someone saw it and started laughing. Ten years later she has to give a speech, she fears shaking again, and here comes the anxiety. Here is another point to mark well.

Anger is emotion; resentment is psychic.

Anger affects the body and brain. Resentment affects the consciousness. Just as there are two stages or two levels of emotion and then anxiety, with emotion affecting the body and thinking, and anxiety affecting the consciousness. Likewise there are two levels with anger and resentment.

It is important to see that there is thought, emotion, and then a psychic feeling. The psychic feeling (often anxiety) that we really notice is different than the physical emotion. It is psychic, and that's why meds or alcohol or some technique is not the answer. Drugs and alcohol only mask and dull the mind. Once I saw that my anxieties and compulsions were in part a typical ego thing, I began to understand them.

Then when I saw that there was also temptation involved (something that knew my particular ego weaknesses and what I made too important) and then tormented me, I saw that the proper meditation is the way to stand back and watch the torment without getting involved and trying to deal with it.

Here's the second insight I had:

You do have control over resentment.

You can be angry but not be resentful. You can be embarrassed without becoming resentful. In other words, you can be humbled but not humiliated (with resentment). You can be afraid of something but not resent it. But what do most of us do? When something threatens our ego, we resent it! I will not dwell here on all the bad things that resentment causes (I have dozens of articles and 8 books on the subject). I will just say here: learn to experience the fear, anger, setback, loss or whatever without resenting it--and your problems will be over.

Learn to observe the negative thoughts (that come after emotions) without resenting them (or struggling or trying to deal with them in any way) and you will be on the mend. In the initial stages you may have little control over your body's shaking or trembling when you feel fear, but learn to watch the fear and the body's reactions without resenting them.

In the initial stages you may not have much control over the negative, vile or dreadful thoughts that arise after a bout of fear or anger, but you can learn to stand back and not resent them or try to deal with them). They will pass and your soul will be safe. Now I return to the top of anxiety. Incidentally, resentment is under our conscious control because it involves the will. But anxiety is a thing of faith (lack of faith, actually), and its cure depends on having faith and trust, and also depends on who or what we have faith and trust in.

Just how compulsive we become depends on how tormented and teased we have been, and how much we invest (or believe or feel we have to invest) in our compensation or ritual. One person will shoot free throws until he makes one (because missing means, according to childhood programming or the voice in his head) that he is a failure. Another is compelled to succeed in business because failure means he is "worthless."

Yet another isn't quite as invested in success or avoiding failure, and when the old programming or the voice says "failure," although he doesn't like missing the free throw or failing in business, he shrugs it off and moves on.

One person will do an elaborate ritual over a specific ominous feeling, while another wears the same color shirt or belt because he won the tournament when he had that color on. How did I overcome them? I basically outgrew most of them. A few lingered, but as I encountered life and grew up I learned to deal with them. Then when I was 40 years old I began to meditate and began to discover the spiritual side of life. I began to see that lack of faith combined with resentment is what opened me up to be prey to negative ideas and excessive emotion. I became patient with myself and my symptoms. That's it in a nutshell.

Read Installment 1 - How I Overcame Anxiety

Continue reading below why so many of us today are so faithless and lack self confidence

Some of you may be wondering where we go wrong that we need to be in recovery in the first place. Why not just live our lives and then have a peaceful and productive old age? Why not just progress from childhood to adulthood, growing in maturity, know how, understanding, and becoming increasingly good natured and wise?

For example, when I read the old stories about people, such as the pioneers, the people who went through the depression, or stories about people in the Bible, I notice that they did not go into recovery. Some of the conditions they faced and some of the circumstances they faced were daunting, to say the least. Yet they kept on keeping on, and those who lived long enough, enjoyed a peaceful and happy old age. They were not in recovery. They did not fall apart somewhere along the line, become unable to cope and end up unable to function and on disability. They worked through whatever was facing them.

When the hard times were over, they rested and enjoyed the respite, and picked up where they had left off. In fact, it seems like hard times brought out the best in them. Are we more fragile, weaker, of less character, somehow uninformed or under-informed or misinformed about how to deal with life?

Do we have a different and less beneficial attitude and world view? The answer is probably "yes" to all of the above. Here's my take on why so many of us are in recovery nowadays, but never fully return to vibrant health and well being. Even those who call themselves "survivors" are probably giving away the fact that they "survived"--just barely made it through and are somehow hanging on. But there is a big difference between surviving, on the one hand, and moving on to optimal health and well being on the other.

There's an old expression: to forgive is to forget. If you haven't forgotten, it means you haven't yet fully forgiven. Similarly, if you remember, are dealing with, struggling with or keeping at bay some issue from the past, then you haven't fully recovered. If you still have to take meds (or can't stop because of the pain of discontinuation syndrome) you're still a captive of the past and its continuing effect on the present.

Optimal health means that the past is done and over. Nothing remains of it; no remnants to deal with, not symptoms to medicate, no dependency. It is gone and no longer important. It's as if it never happened. Most people do not achieve this blessed state, but I say that it is possible and not difficult to achieve.

What is needed is a change of heart and mind and re-finding your own inner ground of being. In order to help you grasp what I am alluding to, it may be helpful for me to expand upon what former generations had and how it differs from today's. There is a paradox involved. Remember how I pointed out that people of previous generations got through difficult circumstances and remained fully functional, even stronger than before? It has something to do with a paradox. In the past people were more self reliant and resilient, but at the same time felt themselves unworthy and, of themselves, incapable of making things right.

They looked to something greater than themselves. They looked to noble authorities, like father or a good leader. They trusted such leaders, such as father, to be noble and noble minded. They trusted him to steer them right. We might call their attitude humility. Admittedly it is better to trust directly in God, but we humans are often not prepared to deal directly with Him. We look to people. But in this regard, there is a subtle but important difference between people of former times and many people today.

Trusting in their father or some other good authority was a round about way of trusting in God, goodness, and justice. He stood for God (and even if he was not perfect, he honored that which was greater than he). Thus there was a chain of command, from top to bottom.

In this worldview, the person trusted in father, for example, because she knew that he represented and honored what was greater than himself. In this regard, he was trustworthy. They looked to the enduring moral and spiritual principles for guidance and for support. They trusted in these principles to be true and efficacious. In other words, they felt that if hard times fell upon them or their community, their restoration depended on (once again) affirming and living according to these principles. They looked to the source of nobility, goodness and sound principles--the Creator--and asked Him to have mercy on them, look favorably on them, guide them and restore them. In other words, they did not think they could do it alone.

They needed His help, and without His help and blessing, they could not make things better. They may not have had perfect faith or belief in Him, but the point is, they looked humbly in His direction. The paradox is: they were somehow more resilient, resourceful, and capable of fully recovery and restoration than we today are; yet they felt themselves incapable of making things right.

They had a different belief system and a different set of values. It is not that they had belief and many people today don't. Belief is a constant. We humans have to believe in something.

The fact that humans have to believe in something is proof that we are not mere animals. Animals, such as bunny rabbits or chipmunks, do not need belief. But humans do. Even a person who believes there is no God or believes that the worst will happen is still believing in something.

So here is the paradox. Less confidence in righting things by the hand of man leads to more self reliance. But it is a self reliance based on doing what one can while looking to God for guidance. In other words, the kind of person who was typical in bygone days was self reliant and in a sense confident about making do and getting by in the most basic things: cooking, sewing, planting crops, canning, fixing things, mending things and so on.

And they were also confident about life, realistic and yet hopeful, inured to hardship, willing to tolerate setbacks, and so on. But their confidence was not in themselves but in God, providence, and justice. By not having confidence in one's own ability to make life work out, figure things out or change things, anxiety was removed. It is fear when faith collapses that leads to anxiety.

Faith in God and providence removes that form of anxiety. Another type of anxiety is when we fear messing up and being unable to cope. When you have confidence that you can get by, survive, fix things, and meet the basic necessities through gumption and know how, that form of anxiety is relieved. Finally there is the anxiety that the ego experiences when it fears for its own survival as an ego and for survival of its pride. But when one doesn't equate success with ego's pride surviving through saving face--then that form of anxiety is removed.

One person staked her worth on whether everything went smoothly at a social event she was giving at her house. If any little thing went wrong, she was devastated. Another person played a mind game where he had to count to 50 real fast without mis-stating one word.

If he made one small mistake he experienced anxiety and had to keep re-doing it until he got it right. This is sheer folly. It indicates just how an egotistical person can make their ego security depend on some petty thing. Yet we are all prone to this folly when we are egotistical and when we give in to doubt. There is no end to where it can go if we don't learn to nip it in the bud. When we don't rely on God and providence, we place our trust in the people. They have feet of clay, are fickle, and are, more often than not, just as insecure and under informed as we are. In other words, they need hefty ego support and are likely to betray you when something comes along that threatens their ego or promises greener pastures.

Today's typical person has a profound lack of faith, and with it an over-reliance on whatever will remove an awareness of a deep and fundamental insecurity. The truth becomes a threat. The truth that we are faithless, that we are dependent on fickle people, and the truth that others do not really have the answers--this truth itself becomes a threat to the ego. And when the truth begins to dawn, it causes anxiety, because we fear the truth.

Can you see that the fundamental insecurity of being faithless, and having to rely on people, drugs, and distractions to take away awareness of this truth leads to a very fearful existence? The ego is ever afraid of being exposed and having to face its frailty? Pride drops dead in reality and cannot bear to see its weaknesses and inadequacies exposed. As long as we are prideful or what to be prideful, we avoid the truth.

Those of former times tended to acknowledge their insufficiency in broad terms, looking to God for guidance and help. But because their ego's survival did not depend on saving face and avoiding their lack of skill being exposed, they did not fear and have anxiety over basic life skill tasks. In other words, they were humble in the big things, but confident in the small stuff. Today we, as individuals and as a society, are pridefully confident in man (and his knowledge, technology and pharmaceuticals) in the big things and pridefully anxious and lacking confidence in the small stuff.

Because people of bygone days were not prideful or worried about saving face, and because their faith in themselves did not come down to success in some trivial matter, there was no fear of failure--no performance anxiety. Therefore, they were not afraid to make mistakes and keep practicing.

The end result was, paradoxically, more confident in one's ability to get by. Can you now see why all the talk today about building self esteem is doomed to fail? The more one emphasizes self esteem for someone who does not have faith in something greater than themselves and whose confidence comes down to performance on some trivial test or being liked or approved of by others--any such self esteem is a house of cards built on shifting sands.

Moreover, because the truth (about one's faithlessness, insecurity and desperate need for support) becomes a threat, the one who is seeking to support another's self esteem must must avoid the truth and must deal in lies and offering false assurances. At this point I want to say that true faith is a wonderful thing and the most valuable thing you can have. You had faith once.

How did you lose it? Once you knew what was right in your heart and you intuitively saw and knew things. But those around you were bound and determined to emotionalize and externalize you. They succeeded when you became resentful and when you doubted what you knew in your heart. Having lost the bond of faith with inner intuition, you became dependent on external support. Most of us seek to be out -spired instead of inspired.

We seek to find confidence and have faith in people, knowledge, and the institutions of man. These are the very things that will lead to more insecurity in the long run. There are some who seem to have faith in God, but they actually have faith in high sounding words, some worldly authority or in some organization. The politicians, priestcraft, the medical matrix, the educators, and the scientists have arisen to lead the faithless masses.

Even religion itself, has fallen into the hands of the priestcraft, the Sadducee's and the Pharisees of our day, and with their rituals, high sounding words and emphasis on studying the written word, have replaced the inner wordless Word. What we need is the original faith, the one we once had and left behind.

We need to be restored to trusting in what we know in your heart is right. Instead of believing and having faith in words and in knowledge (education), we need a restored faith in the wordless Word--what we know without words in our hearts. It is the inner testimony (which now wordlessly testifies to the truth of what I am saying) that we must believe back into.

The reason why people of bygone days were better off and more resilient was because they were closer to the inner Word. Some of them may have indeed found a rapport with the Word within. Others may have been somewhat externalized. They may have not have had the perfect faith, but they were closer to the inner way. The kind of life and the kind of attitude they had ran parallel to and was compatible with principles realized in the light of Truth.

Later I will have much more to say about true faith, but I think this was a good introduction. And it is also a good introduction to the meditation, which helps a person become still and re-find the inner wordless Word. In simple terms, the externalized person is outer dependent and thus insecure and out of balance. The person who has a rapport with intuition is centered, and is able to flow from realization.
Mike

Roland's comments Thanks, Mike!

Find out more about the meditation

Read Part 1 of Mike's Story -find out how he overcame anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder and more

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Mike's Story: Part 4 - How He Overcame Bipolar and Anxiety,

2010-09-12T09:17:00.000-07:00

Here's the fourth installment of Mike's recovery story, written by Mike himself. There are plenty of recovery stories out there--it's very fashionable now. So why am I posting one more by an unknown guy?

The reason is three fold. First it offers hope to regular people. There is a tendency to become fascinated with the rich and the famous. They have their own set of problems and what we are being told may or may not be true. But most of us are just regular people. It's nice to know that a regular person can get through major issues.

Secondly, he not only got through, but he is no longer in recovery. He is not a mere survivor. He went on to health, wholeness, happiness, creativity, and left the old stuff behind. This is heartening and refreshing.

Third, he did it without meds or therapy. He did it with the help of music, radio, television shows, autobiographies, role models, getting plenty of sleep and going for walks. . . I'll let Mike tell the story himself.

___________________________

Roland,

Here is Part 4 of my recovery story wherein I will finally get to the really good stuff.

First a brief recapitulation. I had obsessive thoughts and compulsive rituals when I was a kid. When I was a teen I went through mood swings and then in my 20's had highs and lows. There were plenty of other issues too, like obesity, shyness, anxiety, and a 20 year nicotine habit.
When I was a kid I fidgeted, didn't pay attention and spoke out of turn so I guess I had ADHD too.
There's basically 2 ways of looking at my "recovery." In today's therapeutic, drug oriented society, you could say that I overcame various disorders. I could run a victory lap, fist pumping and holding my hands in the air--with the crowd on its feet cheering.
Another way of looking at it, is to say, like in the lyrics of the Frank Sinatra song, "That's life. That's what all the people say--riding high in April, shot down in May."

In other words, I just lived a regular life: some ups and downs, highs and lows, issues when a kid, shy as a teen, didn't always make the team, had some good breaks and some bad breaks, rolled with the punches, landed on my feet, and learned some lessons along the way.
Now I'm older and wiser. That's all.

>I had a boss once, who whenever anyone asked him where he went to college, he said: "I went to the school of hard knocks."

But I think I have something to say. And I think I need to say it. Robert Whitaker, an investigative journalist, has been looking at the state of mental health in the U.S. and the world for a few years. He wrote a book called Mad in America (which you can get at most public libraries) and he has a relatively new book Anatomy of an Epidemic: Psychiatric Drugs and the Astonishing Rise of Mental Illness in America >wherein he finds that mental illness diagnoses are on the rise, and disability due to mental health issues is on the rise.

It also appears that whereas people used to get depressed or have a psychotic break and often get over it with time, people are now more and more having chronic issues from which they never fully recover. Something is wrong.
I'm not going to tell you what is wrong. I'll let you figure it out for yourself. There is one elephant in the living room that is plain to see. But I'll give you a hint--there is also something deeper going on.

So here is the bottom line. This is one man's opinion. Take it or leave it. It is possible to have a regular life, go through some issues,, make a few mistakes, learn some lessons, and emerge just fine.

You can outgrow childhood, tween, teen, college age, 20 something, and thirties issues. You can be happy most of the time, emotionally stable, gainfully employed, with family and friends--with the issues of the past now in the distant past and no longer important.
You don't have to be a recovering this or a recovering that. You can be just a regular person, ready to meet life without baggage from the past. And you don't have to smoke, use marijuana, take pills, drink alcohol to feel normal or have a good time.

Okay, now let me set the stage for the best which is yet to come. Remember I said that the first 39 years were the first half of life. I got through them and then was ready for the beginning of the spiritual journey.

Perhaps you have noticed that I haven't said anything yet about the spiritual side of life. Well, it's coming. We all know that life has a spiritual side. We are more than just animals. We each have a personal consciousness, and we have a hunch that there is something else we need to know to find true fulfillment. Some of us are interested in the spiritual side of life even when we are young.

I was always concerned about the rightness and wrongness of things. I had a keen sense of justice. I was always questioning my motives and longing to live life properly. I had an interest in philosophy and religion, and even took some religion courses in college.

But it is my opinion, that although it is good for us to live properly (and be honest, fair, brave, and kind, and so on) no matter what our age is, it is my opinion that before we can really begin the spiritual part of life, we first need to experience life: run, play, and enjoy the fun of childhood, play sports, have friends, enjoy learning, make a few mistakes, work, get married, raise a family, and basically live life.

In simple terms, a 10 year old should not be sitting around studying religious texts and having religious scruples forced on him. He should be reading story books, playing baseball, running through the meadow,, riding his bike, and eating a hot dog at the ball game.
But, and this is a very big but, once we have lived life, grown up and matured, and once we have worked and married and all that stuff--it is time to start having a more thoughtful approach to life.
It is time to start developing a little wisdom and setting a good example. In short, now it is time, ever so gently and inwardly, to search for the meaning of life. It will be easier, in many ways, if we were lucky enough to grow up in a home where some particular set of religious dogma was not pushed on us. That way we can approach this delicate subject cleanly with fresh eyes, and not burdened by dogma and preconceived notions that were subtly or overtly pressured upon us.
Don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that we can throw caution to the wind and live foolishly or recklessly without consequences. You want to live intuitively and with some reserve. You don't want to make the fatal mistake from which there is no return.

It's best if we have a sense of propriety and obey our parents. It's best if we have a sense of justice and fairness and don't take advantage of others. You don't want to be a thief, an embezzler, a murderer, or a drug dealer.

It's best to obey the law, live decently and be a regular person. That way, with God's blessing and protection, you'll still be around, so that you can then start to make the spiritual journey.
Sure, if you have salvation in your future, God will permit you to make a few mistakes. But don't push your luck. There was a long time talk show host in San Francisco who always signed off by saying "Do what you can, but behave yourself." Good advice.
Here is a parable. When I was 25, I had 4 wisdom teeth taken out and I was given a prescription for pain medication with Tylenol and codeine. I was sore for a few days, but I didn't need the medication. A few years ago, I had some teeth extracted. They were ready to put me under but I just wanted a local. The dentist and the nurse acted like it was unusual that I didn't want to be put to sleep. I guess just about everyone always wanted to be put out. I just had a little Novocaine and stayed awake. It was no big deal.

I was given a prescription for some pain medication. I was swollen and sore for a few days, but it wasn't that bad. I didn't need the pain killers.

First of all, since I had smoked and had not eaten properly, I deserved the pain for having to lose my teeth. Served me right. Besides, like I said, it wasn't that bad. Just a little sore.
Here's the moral of the story. I wanted to be awake; most people don't. The difference between someone like me and many others is that I tend toward waking up. I want to be aware. It is based on a love of truth.

Most people like truth when it has to do with someone else's failings or faults. But they shy away from truth when it is about their own faults. But there are a few people who love truth so much that they are willing to bear the pain it brings when they see that they are wrong.
Stay tuned for Part 5 The Spiritual Journey and How Meditation (I said meditation, not medication) helped me.

Mike

Mike's Story: Part 3 - How He Overcame Depression, OCD, Bipolar and Anxiety

2010-09-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

Here is Part Three of Mike's recovery story. He gave me permission to post it because he feels it will be helpful to others. Roland,

At the end of Part Two, I was 39, pretty much symptom free, and just a regular guy. Each stage of my life, there were issues to deal with. Somehow I got through. Before moving on to the big life changing things that happened when I was 39 years old, permit me to dwell just a little longer on the first half of life. There are a few more comments I would like to make.

As I reflect back, I realize that there were some other things that helped me get through (without being labeled and drugged, deteriorating, becoming chronic and perhaps developing some permanent side effects).

One thing that worked in my favor was that there were two tiers of issues. There were lots of obvious external issues that everyone was always fussing over. And these external issues kept both everyone else and myself busy and (though I didn't realize it at the time) held them off from digging into and mucking in the more intimate ones.

The external stuff--like school bullying and teasing, my parents' divorce, a childhood speech impediment, being obese and poor at sports, getting tonsillitis all the time--these and other things kept me and everyone else preoccupied. If everything on the outside had been just fine, I might have had everyone focusing on the inside.

Here's a story that might illustrate the point I'm trying to make. When I was in my 20's I got some soreness from exercising that didn't go away. So I went from doctor to doctor to get symptom relief. Some antibiotics were tried and didn't help. One doctor said "exploratory surgery. " Another doctor examined me with rough handling.

The rough handling doctor diagnosed it (after a grand total of a five minute office visit) with a label and said that surgery was needed. Remember, it was just a little soreness. But I guess at that time I was just like everyone else--I kept demanding that someone do something--so I guess the rough handling surgery guy was just trying to satisfy the customer.

Anyway, I knew in my heart that he was wrong and so decided to just live with my sports injury soreness. Within half a year it just went away and never came back.

A year or two later I heard a doctor on the radio take a call from a caller who described symptoms exactly like I had. The doctor said it was an inflammation, usually caused by exercise, and would eventually go away.

Right on, doc! Just think what might have happened if Dr. Rough Handling had done exploratory surgery on me. I might not even be here today.

In a similar vein, if trial and error ("let's see if this works") had been used on the mental and emotional issues I grew out of, who knows what might have gone wrong.

I read a really good book (Will Medicine Stop the Pain? Finding God's Healing for Depression, Anxiety, and Other Troubling Emotions).

The author, Dr. Laura Hendrickson, says she has heard so many tragic stories that began with some lady innocently mentioning that she felt a little down. She's put on an antidepressant. She gets worse or develops psychosis or mania from the meds, and then is put on an antipsychotic drug, a benzodiazapine, then maybe an anticonvulsant (used as a "mood stabilizer"). There is weight gain and other side effects, and then she starts hearing voices that tell her she is ugly and everybody hates her. She ends up worse off than before.

So thank goodness, attention was directed to my parent's divorce, my speech impediment (which I overcame), my overweight, and my falling in with the wrong crowd. Time, hard work and eating right, a little speech therapy, and a change in schools--and I was restored to normal weight, articulate speech, and good grades (and a 4 year academic scholarship).

In the meanwhile nothing experimental, heavy handed, misdiagnosed or trial and error was done to me for my moods, anxiety or obsessive thoughts (which went away).

Another thing that helped me get through were autobiographies--especially when I was in my 20's.

There was one in particular--Alexander King, I think was his name--but he wrote a 3 book autobiography or collection of memoirs, wherein he pretty much let it all hang out. But he looked philosophically on his ups and downs, and he had some advice about romance and relationships.

He was realistic, but had a sense of humor. I read his books more than once. Here was a guy who wasn't famous or anywhere near perfect, but he had something to say and had the courage to say it. Plus he had some tips for a younger guy about life. It gave me hope.

Finally, I want to mention television, radio, music and movies. Yes, they helped me get through, recover and become fully functional and happy, without drugs, or individual or group therapy.

There were so many television series that made me laugh, taught me something, occupied my mind, and gave me something to look forward to. There is no use trying to list them all.

I'll just list a couple as examples: Barnaby Jones, Mannix, Charley's Angels, Mr. T., The Jeffersons, Good Times, Three's Company, Columbo, Star Trek, Dallas, and Mission Impossible are just a few that come to mind. I identified with the hero or protagonists and loved to see them overcome obstacles.

I won't say much about movies, but there were some uplifting ones (like the Karate Kid) and some funny ones like The Jerk, and some inspirational ones like The Magnificent Seven that were helpful. I was also a big fan of Bruce Lee. I saw most of his movies and read his book about martial arts. I took some karate lessons.

And music--what can I say. Lots of rock and roll classics, disco and soft rock that were frankly inspiring to a young guy. The songs were about regular guys who had issues but would find success and if they hadn't already found romance, it was just around the corner.

I don't think that people appreciate just how important talk radio is for regular people. It makes you feel like you are a part of what is going on. It's entertaining, stimulating, timely, educating and fun.

And I don't mean just politics: I mean health talk, sports talk, garden talk, shrink talk, relationship talk, fitness talk, entertainment talk, and dining talk. Because it's radio, it activates and involves the imagination in a healthy way. There is also all night talk--great for those of us who wake up during the night and can't sleep, for night owls, people working graveyard, or for truckers.

When I was lonely--yes, lonely--I loved to listen to talk radio. I remember there was a talk show host in San Francisco (where I lived at the time). He had AIDS and his life wasn't that great, but he was philosophical and upbeat. I loved listening to him because he was honest and not phony--just a regular guy with some issues like everyone else.

Incidentally, I wonder how may people are just plain lonely and get diagnosed with major depression or dysthymia, given psychotropic meds and begin a downward slide into polypharmacy and permanent disability.

Looks like I'll have to save the life transforming spiritual journey for Part Four. Mike

Roland's comments Thanks a bunch, Mike. Read Installment 4

Part 2 A Letter from Michael Who Overcame Anxiety, Depression, OCD and Bipolar, Part 2

2010-09-10T14:12:00.000-07:00

The following is Part 2 of Mike's story of recovery. Read Part One.

Roland, Thank you for putting my letter on your blog. I believe it will be of help to people.

Briefly, I recounted how I had all kinds of issues (including others I didn't even mention, such as being morbidly obese when I was 16 years old) from the time I was a little kid, an older kid, a tween, a teen, a young adult, and then into my late 30's.

The point I was trying to make is that I somehow overcame them through growing out of them. The obsessions and compulsions I had as a kid sort of diminished and went away by the time I was a teen, for example. To me, each stage of my life had issues that appeared, caused me pain and some torment, but went away as I grew older.

It was amazing and heartening, really. Dr. Courtenay Harding has often spoken about how resilient and resourceful people are. Pathologizing, drugging, medicating, and basically teaching people that they have a a "brain disorder" and to get used to living a life as a victim with diminished hopes and expectations and that they will have to stay on medication forever is hardly a hopeful, robust, joyous, optimistic approach to life.

I was resilient (though I didn't know it). Somehow (and I think God helped me in this regard) I was steered away from the type of help that would have turned me into a permanent victim. Have you ever heard the old Zen Buddhist saying "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear." It sounds nice, but I can't really say that I believed it. But now I think it is probably true, because something similar, though somewhat different, happened in my life.

Each step of the way, someone was there who kept me from going off the deep end, gave me hope, and stabilized me. When I was getting in with the wrong crowd, my mom and step dad sent me to parochial school (even though we were not Catholic). There was discipline and academic standards. But more than anything, there were some teachers that were there for me: as role models and because they cared. Two were priests and two were young guys who were just starting as teachers.

My step dad came along and really stabilized things at home. He was a good role model too. When he had a big heart attack, he changed his lifestyle and took off 50 lbs. (and kept the weight off). Somehow, the very next summer, I lost 50 to 60 lbs. too (when I was 17) and kept it off. I know he set the pace for me. In my mind I said "if he can do it, I can do."

When I was in my 20 and 30's I had a couple of great bosses. They ever so gently but persistently helped me grow up, mainly by simply modeling what a together person is like. When at one point I was really depressed, I was somehow able to drag myself to one junior college class. One class, one night a week was all I could drag myself to do. The teacher was great, and going to that one class broke the cycle and got me started doing things again.

I entered a college degree program, and there were a couple of a great teachers there too. After that it was onward and upward.

So it was people and their personal stories--not drugs, therapy, groups or programs--that helped get me through. And not many. Just one here and one there, each step of the way, who were there to give me hope, serve as a role model, and got me through a tough period.

There was also some philosophical support: some writers, poets, philosophers along the way whose books, and articles kept me going. I never met them personally, but their writings were there for me. I'll just name a few: Eric Hoffer, Alexandre Solzhenitsyn, Santayana, and Lin Yutang.

When I was a kid, and I was being put down and teased, I turned to books and sports. The Wizard of Oz series (many people don't know that there are several Oz books--all good), dog stories. comic books, and baseball cards. They gave me hope of someday overcoming issues, they made me feel normal, and they were something I could secretly enjoy just by myself (without someone ruining it or taking it away from me when they found out I liked it).

When I was in my 30's, there were a couple of speakers too (who I watched on video or listened to their tapes ) like Leo Buscaglia, John Bradshaw and Zig Ziglar. These names may not mean anything to you. You've got to find your own favorite writers and speakers. In other words, don't overlook the library as a place for solace and inspiration.

I notice another reason why I may have gotten better. The help I received was from people who were there for a short time and then gone ( a writer, a teacher, a boss, or even a guy on the radio). They weren't close or even supportive. Just there long enough to help out, and then they were gone. The help was a temporary helping hand. No strings attached.

A partner, a boyfriend or girlfriend, an organized group or a church, therapy or a drug can be sticky, intrusive, enmeshing, and create dependency. A partner or a drug may have side effects. A church or other group can pull you in and create a bunch of love/hate, dependency issues. I'm not saying that we shouldn't have a partner. Nor am I saying that a church, support group, or other helping organization can't be there for you. I'm just saying that it should be temporary.

They should be like a hospital to go into to recover. It's not a place to stay forever. I have seen a lot of people become dependent on their program, support group, drug, or church--and never achieve independence or wholeness. Fortunately my helpers were not too close. They weren't even trying to help me. They were just there.

Another thing that helped me personally was that I had time, lots of time, to ponder, read, go for walks, exercise, listen to talk radio, write and basically take time to seek the purpose in life and gently find my way. I had jobs that either gave me a lot of freedom or else were not taxing and stressful. It left time and energy for introspection and learning.

So somehow I got through. I remained employed, had some good jobs, had some friends of both sexes, and made it through without being labeled with something. I didn't even know I had "ADHD, OCD, major depression, dysthymia, or bipolar disorder."

Now when I read the DSM IV or watch youtube or read psychiatric literature, I see that once upon a time I had the symptoms without the label. If I had been labeled, I probably wouldn't have made it through.

By the time I was 39 years old, the childhood ADHD, obsessions and compulsions, then the shyness, obesity, OCD, depression and bipolar were things of the past. I was just a regular guy, still smoking nicotine pretty heavily (but no alcohol or marijuana). But as you will learn in Part Three, I would soon stop smoking for good.

I still hadn't found the answers to life's burning questions: like why am I hear, does God care, who am I, what is my purpose in life, and so on. I was now ready for the the life transforming change that would begin the second half of life. The first 40 years were for having some fun, having some ups and downs, growing up, making some mistakes and muddling through. Now it was time to begin the spiritual part of life. To be continued in Part Three

Roland's comments
Again, thanks Mike. It takes a lot of courage to reveal so much about yourself. But I know it will be of help to others. Incidentally, I want to mention on Mike's behalf that he hasn't smoked in 20 years. I look forward to Part Three

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